The Bizarre Way I Discovered My Wife Was Having An Affair Inside Our Home
My heart broke instantly upon the realization.
Getty Images | Unsplash My day started like any other. I was coming home from another hectic day at the tech firm where I work; I’m an IT consultant. I always looked forward to coming home to my family.
My wife is a full-time artist and has always supported my career. We’ve been married for eight years now, and even though it hasn’t always been smooth sailing, I thought we were doing alright. We’ve had our share of arguments from time to time, but we always managed to work through them.
Our seven-year-old daughter is the light of our lives. This particular evening, I had just finished my dinner when I went to check on my daughter.
As usual, she was snug under her favorite blankets, holding tightly to her stuffed unicorn. I gave her a kiss goodnight and was about to turn off the light.
Then she looked up at me with those big, innocent eyes and said; “I like Uncle Daniel, he played so much with me today.”
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I paused, wait… what! Who?! I don’t know any Uncle Daniel. None of my siblings bears Daniel, nor do I know anyone from my wife’s family who bears Daniel. I went back to ask her more about the mysterious “Uncle Daniel.”
Trying to keep my voice steady, I asked my little girl more about this man. She said he wears glasses and he’s tall… and that he went into my (home) office with mommy after eating and playing with her. ‘Who was this man?’ I thought to myself.
I decided to keep calm and told my daughter that sometimes mommy has work-related meetings and not to worry about it. I went downstairs and sat in the living room for a moment to catch my breath, staring at the clock, chairs, ceiling, everything.
The most frequent way participants described learning about a parent’s infidelity was from a family member, as a study from the University of San Francisco found. Expressly, 37.6% of individuals indicated that they discovered the information about their parents’ infidelity in this way. However, the family member who shared this information with them was not their parent who engaged in infidelity; instead, they learned it from a sibling, grandparent, or parent who was not involved in the extramarital affair.
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I couldn’t hold it up anymore, so I went into our bedroom and woke my wife up so we could have a discussion. When I confronted her about what our daughter said, she didn’t even deny it.
Instead, she was defensive and tried to justify her actions, saying things like “You weren’t giving me what I needed” and “I felt neglected.” I’d been working late for the past few weeks on a big project, and my wife had been taking care of things at home.
My wife had told me she was planning to finish some artwork for an upcoming gallery, and I hadn’t thought much of it; trust had never been an issue before. After 8 years of marriage, instead of communicating how she felt to me, my wife went ahead and cheated.
A recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior focused on users of Ashley Madison, a popular website and dating app that helps people who are typically in exclusive relationships have discrete affairs. The study found that “sexual dissatisfaction was the most strongly endorsed motive for wanting an affair. Other commonly endorsed reasons included low commitment, autonomy, and a desire for a variety of sexual partners.”
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I felt even more disrespected by her audacity to bring her lover into our home.
Now, I find myself questioning everything. What did I miss? Could I have seen the signs sooner? How do I move forward from here? I know I need to stay strong for my baby, but the pain and confusion I feel right now are overwhelming. What should I do next?
Penny Don is a writer and entrepreneur with a passion for relationships and storytelling. Her articles have been featured on Medium, where she shares insightful, real-life stories to motivate and engage readers.