The Smartest Way To Respond When Someone Blames You For Their Bad Behavior
The comeback that'll get them to stop pointing fingers.
beaveraphotos via Canva During an argument, it's not uncommon for someone to play the blame game. Pointing fingers, this person will shift all responsibilities onto you while avoiding accountability altogether.
So, how do we call out someone who wrongly blames us for their actions? According to psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren, here's a solid comeback you should try!
Why People Blame Others For Their Own Bad Behavior
According to mental health and wellbeing expert Andrea M. Darcy, “Many of us will take the credit for ourselves if things go good in life but lay blame on circumstances when things go bad.”
When we do poorly on an exam, it's easier to blame our partner or sleeping schedule for our bad grades. But when we do well it's rewarding to take credit for our successes. But why do we do this?
"Blaming others helps us avoid accountability", writes Darcy. It's easier and requires less self-reflection on our part. To blame others also means we avoid responsibility. When we shift the blame we dodge the responsibility of apologizing and setting things straight.
Some people may also place blame because it helps them feel in control. To admit to our wrongs is to admit to our mistakes. It's to say I was wrong and I did a bad thing. For many that's a tough pill to swallow. Not only that but taking accountability requires shifting our narrative.
"This can push us into a state of vulnerability," writes Darcy.
Regardless of the reasonings, refusing to take accountability will always backfire. The longer you engage in this harmful behavior, the more your self-growth gets stunted and relationships destroyed.
Despite this, people will continue if it means protecting their fragile egos. So, how do we flip the script and respond to their accusations?
The Best Way To Respond When Someone Blames You For Their Bad Behavior
If you automatically call them out this will put them in defensive mode. So, instead, "Try approaching from a place of understanding," says Dr. Warren.
Sit down with them and say, “I understand where you are coming from. I made you feel upset, and I hurt your feelings. I could have affected this situation and for that, I sincerely apologize.”
This may seem ridiculous at first. But putting them in a state of calm is important for this next step.
After you say this end with, "Look, I understand where you're coming from, but let's be honest for a second: just as I'm accountable for my actions, you're accountable for your choices. While my actions may have affected your feelings, it was your decisions that led to that outcome."
While harsh, it's important to not enable harmful habits. Remember, we're each accountable for our actions in the end. And it's not our responsibility to coddle another adult's behavior.
By incorporating this approach, you can halt someone in their tracks from shifting the blame onto you.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.