13 Behaviors That Drive Men Away No Matter How Pretty You Are, According To Psychology
Your looks won't help you this time.
Polina Zimmerman | Pexels I’m not going to lie; beautiful women have a way easier time in the cutthroat dating scene than us mere mortals. But just because the game is rigged in their favor doesn’t mean they always win.
It is possible to end up being permanently single even with the looks of a Greek goddess. If you are doing any of the following, don’t be surprised if he ends up running despite your great looks because these are the things that turn guys off the most.
Here are 13 behaviors that drive men away no matter how gorgeous you are:
1. Speaking negatively of others
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Do you know how some people just seem to have a permanent rain cloud over their heads? Yeah, negativity and depression are contagious.
No one wants to feel bad while dating someone, and even the most positive person will eventually get dragged down by Negative Nancy friends. If you’re constantly depressed, whining, and complaining, then don’t be surprised if he bolts.
Complaining may reinforce one’s ego at the expense of others, a professor at Florida International University writes in Psychology Today. Additionally, as opposed to connecting people, complaining may drive people apart. When someone is viewed as a chronic complainer, other people may not engage. No one wants to be around someone who complains incessantly.
Generally, people want to be around balanced, moderate people. If someone is too bitter, or for that matter, too happy, others tend to avoid them (or, perhaps, complain about them). Another reason people may complain is that the brain is negative-biased.
2. Having poor personal hygiene
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If you want people to come close to you, you will need to be cognizant of having good personal hygiene: brushing your teeth, smelling nice, and putting your most hygienic self forward.
3. Being overly-aggressive
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There are a lot of angry women out there who have been screwed over one too many times, and unfortunately, a lot of those ladies will continue to go on dates with men even when they are boiling with rage. If a guy sees this, they usually will run the other way because they think that the woman in question may be unstable.
You simply can’t have a healthy relationship with a member of a gender that you hate, or a member of a gender you’re bitter towards. If you’re that angry, it may be time to stop dating.
Research from a 2018 Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience study found that aggression is a complex social behavior with many causes and manifestations. Over the past several decades, scholars have identified the many forms that aggression can take. Aggression can be physical or verbal.
Aggression can be direct or indirect and can inflict reputational harm. It can be impulsive, elicited by anger in response to provocation, or calculated, less emotional, and used to obtain another end.
4. Talking excessively about your ex
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You know how you hate hearing about his ex? Yes, it’s not much different for men, either. It’s a sign that he’s still on your mind and that this guy’s a rebound, and no one wants that.
5. Exhibiting diva behavior
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A common thread among guys I talk to is the disgust they have for the saying, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” If you think tantrums, demands, stirring up drama, and making a scene are acceptable, this is probably why you’re single.
Don’t treat others in a way that you wouldn’t want to be treated. And if you are the type to make a scene if you don’t get what you want, you might need to take a break from dating and look at yourself.
Research from the University of Ottawa (uOttawa) has provided a complicated glimpse into young women’s responses to interpersonal conflict. Retaliation is often the answer to rejection and perceived social exclusion by other females.
The study, published in Nature’s Scientific Reports, highlights the complicated nature of women’s interpersonal relationships by examining the stress of rejection and whether the personal characteristics of those imposing the rejection influence women’s social pain.
6. Constantly checking social media
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Nothing makes guys back away faster than seeing a woman who is more interested in “looking cool” online and in person than actually enjoying life. Doing this makes him think that he’s just another Instagram prop, and makes you look shallow. Not a good look!
7. Having no motivation to try new things
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Most women will regularly admit that they want a guy who has a booming career, is driven, and has a rich life to offer. Why wouldn’t guys want something similar?
If you don’t want to do anything, then chances are that you’re not going to be able to contribute anything to a relationship and that usually will register as a “leech” to most men. Most men want a partner, not a pet.
A 2015 Singles in America study found the mating preferences of more than 5,000 men and women by way of a survey. Researcher and biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., writes that we are seeing a "Clooney Effect" in this country — a nod to the recent marriage of America's favorite bachelor, actor George Clooney, to human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin.
According to Fisher's numbers, men desire intelligent, strong, successful women; 87 percent of men said they would date a woman who was more intellectual, better educated, and made considerably more money than they did. In comparison, 86 percent said they were searching for a confident and self-assured woman.
8. Using a baby voice
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Yeah, surprise, most men aren't into the baby voice. It doesn’t sound as alluring as you may think and is one of the many things that turn guys off.
9. Coming across desperate
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Desperation is something people can smell from a distance, and it’s something that drives away everyone. The worst part is that you really can’t hide it, either. I know it’s hard to not be desperate and try to date, but you have to walk away if you feel desperation creeping in.
Men are often socialized to take emotional responsibility for women, so much so that they often evaluate potential life partners based primarily on how much emotional caretaking they will require. The ideal partner is sometimes described as “low maintenance,” which is like choosing a car because you hope it will require fewer repairs rather than because you like it and enjoy driving it, psychotherapist Avrum Weiss writes in Psychology Today.
10. Playing dumb, or actually being dumb
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Most guys do not want to date a girl who is dumb as a brick or pretends to be dumb. The only guys who go after girls who “play dumb” are the ones who have insecurity issues, control issues, or narcissistic personalities. Don’t do this to yourself — show your intelligence!
11. Smoking
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You’d be shocked at how many guys just will not date a smoker. It’s gone from a turn-on to things that turn guys off and it’s easy to see why. It smells funky, makes your breath foul, and also shows that you have a disregard for your health.
A 2001 study published on J-STAGE examined how female smokers are perceived by both men and women who either did or did not smoke themselves. Participants were shown female models posing with or without a cigarette or just wearing glasses and rated their perceived intelligence, attractiveness, and sensual interest. They found that models who were not smoking and wore no glasses were considered the most attractive.
12. Being insecure
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Insecurity is something that will end up eating up good relationships in many cases. If you can’t handle your insecurities, you may want to wait until you get that sorted out before your date. Otherwise, the dating scene will end up chewing you up and spitting you out.
13. Hiding who you are
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Dating is all about trying to make a connection. If a guy realizes that you aren’t honest about who you are, then he will feel betrayed. It’s lying about who you are, and frankly, doing this is a good way to wreck your chances at a good relationship.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.