The Basic Reason Happy Men Have Affairs
Unfortunately, cheating is something even happy people do.
Keira Burton | Canva When my high school boyfriend cheated on me, I found out about the other girl's Instant Messenger screen name and "confronted" her online. (Not the most mature move, I know. But give me a break! I had just turned 17.) Do you know what this girl dared to say to me? "I've seen a picture of you! No wonder he cheated."
Surely you, like me, have heard numerous friends or significant others say something to the effect of, "How could he have cheated on his wife? She's so gorgeous!"
What I want to know is why we insist on a woman's beauty — which is highly subjective! — is some kind of barometer — which is highly shallow! — of whether or not her hubby will cheat. Let's get this clear: People cheat because they are unhappy in their relationships.
That's it. I'm not naive; I know plenty of people cheat because their paramours have gained weight/lost too much weight and said paramours are no longer an object of physical attraction.
The most basic reason happy men have affairs is for physical intimacy.
Research from 2023 backs this claim up, too: Men are more likely than women to cheat if their marriage lacks the physical intimacy they want. Men would also be more bothered if their wives/girlfriends physically cheated whereas women would be more upset if their partners emotionally cheated.
I think it partially has to do with a man needing to feel manly, and the easiest way they can do that is with physical intimacy. There are a variety of reasons why a couple would stop being intimate, and it can be a very difficult issue to talk about. Some men need to feel wanted, even if that means breaking their vows and spending the night with someone who isn't their partner, no matter the devastating consequences.
Ron Lach / Pexels
But cheating because of one's desire for more physical intimacy is an underlying and relatively shallow factor, not cause-and-effect at all. Most relationships have these little things called "love," "trust" and "respect"; relationships that have all those things don't have cheating.
If you love someone, you will deal with ebbs and flows of intimacy and try to work through those issues, rather than seeking fulfillment somewhere else. (Seeking therapy or a professional marriage counselor is also a wise idea, no matter what stage of infidelity.)
The bottom line: Let's stop insinuating that when a man cheats, it is always because of something the wife did (or didn't do). One study from 2023 states that infidelity occurs in about 25% of all marriages throughout a lifetime.
Cheating, as they say, is the coward's way out. At the end of the day, it is the cheater who cheated and hurt the relationship. It is the cheater who is at fault, not the unknowing spouse.
The Frisky is dedicated to sharing relationship tips, celebrity gossip, and sultry fun.