5 Bad Habits Of People Who Can't Seem To Find Real Love
It's self-sabotage, and they don't even know they're doing it.
Halay Alex / Shutterstock Dating is fun but, unfortunately for those looking for love, it doesn't always result in a relationship.
There are some common bad relationship habits people have that prevent love from entering your life when you're trying to find it — but chances are you don't realize what you're even doing.
Do you find yourself always asking, "Will I ever find love?"
The truth is that you can, as long as you're following the right relationship advice and can do damage control when you find yourself behaving badly.
So, are you ready to love and be loved?
Here are five bad habits to break if you want to find real love and a healthy relationship
1. Acting insecure and clingy
You're worried and insecure that the person you’re dating is going to take off, stop loving you, or start pulling away, emotionally.
And worrying about all of this might actually cause them to actually take off, stop loving you, and pull away.
Fear is one of the most detrimental forces in relationships. When you start acting clingy, you come off as very insecure.
Cut the clinginess by cutting the insecurity at its root.
Work on affirming that you are secure in the relationship. Or, if your relationship isn’t actually secure, work on developing your confidence so you don’t feel the need to cling to anyone like saran wrap.
Unless you have an established monogamous relationship, date multiple people at once. It really is OK to play the field.
Develop the mindset that if your relationship ends, you will be all right, no matter what.
The feeling that you are whole when you're on your own is essential to not falling into insecure and clingy behavior.
2. Being jealous and possessive
Jealousy and possessiveness are huge turn-offs. Have you ever had a partner get super jealous of you?
It feels like you have to constantly keep proving yourself to the jealous partner, hoping they believe that you haven’t done anything wrong.
Honestly, it makes you feel like you should just go out and do whatever it is you’re being accused of so you at least had some fun. After all, you’re going to get accused of wrongdoing anyway.
You have to cultivate your self-confidence. There is no replacement for a solid view of yourself.
Do whatever you have to do to make sure that you’re not smothering your partner or accusing them of things they haven’t done.
Don’t let your imagination run wild.
3. Throwing tantrums
Did you let your emotions get the best of you and have some kind of angry outburst? Is it possible that you might yell?
This used to be me. It's still a challenge to keep a firm hold on my emotions when I disagree, but it definitely can be done.
People’s conflict styles start from childhood. Having a tendency to get out of control when angry or having a disagreement is a massive challenge to overcome, but you must practice managing conflicts with your partner in a healthy way.
Study and practice techniques like taking time outs to calm down, trying to see the other person’s perspective, and active listening.
If you have a legitimate anger management problem, do the work on yourself to get past it.
4. Overcommunicating your thoughts and feelings
Do you text and call a lot? It may be tempting to text them at work, call them during your lunch break, and generally take up a lot of their time with communication when you aren’t actually in the same room.
This is obsessive behavior, and it's not healthy.
Since you’re thinking about them so much, it can make sense that you want to reach out. However, it’s a mistake to be in constant contact.
And to fix this mistake, pull back. This doesn't mean disappearing or ignoring their attempts at communication — just becoming a bit more reserved.
Initiate communication about half the amount you used to. Also, hobbies and distractions are a good idea.
5. Hinting about wanting a commitment
While you think that hinting might help you figure things out when you’re wondering what the heck the two of you are doing together, this is a bad idea. Hinting comes off as very insecure and not at all subtle.
Either you have the conversation about commitment or don’t, but don’t go halfway and try and drop hints that you want more. When you do this you are putting the ball firmly in the other person’s court.
It’s like you’re saying, "Since you’re driving, where are we going?"
It’s okay to have a conversation about what you want out of life. But, constantly making veiled references to commitment without having an actual frank conversation is a bad idea.
If your casual relationship has been going on for over a year and you have no idea whether they want to commit to you or not, it is time for a conversation about your mutual goals. But "hinting" sounds a lot like nagging.
Healthy relationships require confidence, trust, and the right amount of communication. So, if you're looking for love that lasts, it's time to quit these habits.
Elizabeth Stone is an author, dating coach, and personal development coach who helps women restore themselves in order to improve their relationships.