6 Ways Your "Innocent" Micro-Lies Are Ruining Your Relationships
Even the smallest lies can cause severe damage.
WeAre / Shutterstock People tell white lies all the time in their daily lives. But if you’re in a relationship and start a pattern of telling white lies or hiding even the smallest things from your partner, it’s probably not going to end very well.
Oftentimes people will hide things from the person they love or claim to be telling these small lies for a few different reasons. One being whatever they are lying about may seem so insignificant, they don’t “feel that they need” to tell them.
Or perhaps the “what you don’t know can’t hurt you” mantra comes into play, and they may believe they are saving their significant other from the pain of whatever truth they’re withholding. Or, they may rightfully know they’re doing something that they probably shouldn’t be doing and are taking the coward’s way out by lying or hiding it from their partner.
Whatever the case may be, hiding things and lying about even the smallest of things is sincerely damaging your relationship in many different ways:
1. You’re setting yourself up to tell future lies.
The more you begin lying about the little things, the chances are you’ll start to lie about bigger things down the road. The more you lie, the more you get comfortable doing so, or more tempted to do so if you start feeling like you’ve gotten better at it. This can lead down a dark rabbit hole that will do nothing but get you caught up in those lies and could even result in the relationship ending.
2. You’re not only breaking trust, but you’re disrespecting your partner.
Nobody likes to be lied to. If the tables were turned, you would not like your partner going around lying to you, no matter how small the lies may be or seem. And if your partner finds out (which they will), then you not only broke their trust, but you’ve disrespected them and the love they have for you. You’re disrespecting their right to know the real truth, and you’re testing the boundaries of trust, honesty, and loyalty.
3. You’re causing your partner to feel fear and uneasiness.
Now your partner has to constantly worry about you lying or hiding things from them. Whether you’ve stopped lying or not, your partner will never know for sure since you lied so easily before. Beyond breaking trust, you’re causing an uneasiness in your relationship where your partner has to decipher truth from lies.
It’s just not fair. It’s like a ticking time bomb as they wait for your next lie to be uncovered. This induces A LOT of anxiety, stress, and fear that they probably would not have had if it wasn’t for you lying to them in the first place.
4. You make it that much harder to believe you… even when you're telling the truth.
Your partner hardly knows the difference between your truth and lies anymore. And even when you’re 100% telling the truth, they still may question it…and you can’t blame them because you caused that feeling of doubt.
5. If you lie about the small things, what's stopping you from lying about bigger things?
You’re clearly not afraid to risk your relationship if you continue lying about “little things.” And if you do, then what’s going to stop you from learning your lesson? What will stop you from trying to hide or lie about something much bigger later on?
These are worries your partner will now carry with them, and with good reason. You’re much more capable of lying about serious things if you’re so quick to lie and hide when it comes to the smaller stuff.
6. You’re causing a rift between you and your partner.
You may think things are fine, but in the back of your partner’s mind, the lies will always be there. They will always remember how you were able to look them in the eyes and lie, or easily hide something from them until you got caught.
Even if your next fight is about something totally unrelated, they’ll more than likely bring up those lies — they will resurface one way or another. But at the end of the day, that’s your fault. It’s your fault you caused this rift between you and your partner, and especially if you were lying about something of significance, that will stay with the relationship for a long time.
It’s sad because while you think you’ve made amends with your apologies, your partner may find it difficult and it may take quite a bit of time for them to move on from it. Until then, there will be a rift between you whether you notice it or not.
The point: Lying does nothing for a relationship, no matter which way you may try to spin it. If you cannot communicate with your partner and be honest and open about things, then you should really ask yourself why. If what you have is real, then you should be able to tell each other anything. You should be able to have adult conversations even when times get tough. Lying doesn’t solve anything, it only prolongs issues and makes any situation worse.
Nikki Zarrella is a writer from Boston who has a passion for sports, baking, fitness, dancing, music, and adventure. She has been featured in Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, PuckerMob, and more. Check out her website and follow her on Instagram and Facebook.