Women Reveal The Exact Moment They Realized They Weren’t The Daughters-In-Law Their Husbands' Moms Hoped For
Some mothers-in-law do not make it easy to be friends.
imtmphoto | Shutterstock Having a good relationship with your in-laws can be complicated for some people, especially between mothers and daughters-in-law. Too often, we hear horror stories about mothers-in-law who don't have a single ounce of respect, compassion, or care for the women that their sons have married and chosen to share their lives with.
In a TikTok video, a content creator and mom named Paige shared the exact moment she realized she wasn't what her mother-in-law had hoped for in her son's spouse. Her video caused thousands of other women to join in with their own mother-in-law moments, as well.
Women came together to share the exact moments they realized they weren't the spouses their mothers-in-law hoped their sons would marry.
In overlay text on her video, Paige explained that when she and her husband were dating, she had been invited to his family's Thanksgiving. When the dinner was over, her now mother-in-law asked if she wanted to make a leftover plate for her son and Paige declined, pointing out that he's capable of doing it on his own.
"We just stared at each other awkwardly. That's when I knew I wasn't the daughter-in-law material she hoped for," Paige recalled.
Her honest revelation caused a mass of other married women to share their own experiences with their mothers-in-law, and unfortunately, there seemed to be a common theme.
One married woman wrote, "When we were dating, my boyfriend's mother told me he’d never marry me [because] he wanted someone to iron his shirts, cook and clean for him. We’ve been married 32 years & I still don’t bc he’s FULLY CAPABLE."
Another woman added, "The first Thanksgiving we were married, my husband started loading the dishwasher, and his mother gasped and asked me, 'Why does he know how to do that?'"
The common theme seems to be mothers-in-law expecting their sons' wives to take care of them the same way they cared for them.
These anecdotes, although funny, expose the unreasonable expectations that many moms instill in their sons from the time they are young — marry someone who will mother you.
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A lot of mothers like this have viewed their sons as being incapable of handling things on their own and will just do it for them.
A wife, however, is not a mother.
She shouldn't have to be responsible for plating leftovers for her husband when he's sitting in the same kitchen. She shouldn't have to fold his laundry, cook for him, or make his doctor's appointments. As a grown adult, he should be able to do them himself.
A staggering number of women don't get along with their mothers-in-law.
According to a study by psychologist Terri Apter, more than 60% of women said their relationship with their mother-in-law caused them long-term stress and unhappiness.
A whopping two-thirds of daughters-in-law said their husbands' mothers frequently exhibited jealous, maternal love towards their sons.
If mothers aren't getting along with their daughters-in-law because they don't make a plate of leftovers for their sons or show any other maternal gestures, there are much deeper issues that need to be unpacked.
This also proves all of the unrealistic expectations that are placed on women when it comes to taking care of their husbands and being wives.
In a TikTok video, a content creator and sobriety coach named Nicole Michelle explained that the reasons women have issues with their in-laws have to do with those expectations, and when boundaries are drawn, that dislike only grows.
"Our mental, emotional, and physical labor is just free and accessible," she said, "so if we're the type who gets married and says, no, no, I'm not going along with that … there is pushback, and so much of it because we are not allowing access."
"When we make choices, choices for ourselves, such as setting boundaries with family members, we are told we are wrong, bad, evil, mean," she continued. "... because women are taught [to] be accommodating, be nice, just go along."
It's definitely frustrating to realize that you're not the type of wife your husband's mom expected him to marry, but at the end of the day, a lot of that disappointment stems from the unreasonable and outdated marital expectations that a lot of these women haven't been able to shake for themselves.
All that should matter is whether or not you're treating their son with love and respect. If the marriage is healthy, and if you're a good person with equally good values and morals, nothing else matters.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.