21-Year-Old Woman’s Parents Are ‘Pressuring’ Her To Adopt Her Incarcerated Sister’s Baby Because She’s The ‘Most Stable’ Person In The Family
While she feels for her niece, she is not ready to become a parent.
Josep Suria A young woman who recently graduated college was looking forward to beginning her new life, settling into her apartment, and starting a new job. However, her vision for the future was abruptly disrupted when her parents demanded that she adopt her older sister’s newborn baby since her sister was in no shape to be a mother.
While the woman does not want to abandon her niece, she does not feel ready to jump into parenthood just yet.
The woman’s parents asked her to adopt her niece since they believed that she was the ‘most stable’ person in the family.
In a since-deleted Reddit post, the 21-year-old woman revealed that she was optimistic about her future after graduating college.
“I saved up a lot of money while in school and was able to buy my own small apartment. I just landed a job in my field, where I’ll be making about $45k a year,” she wrote. “It’s not a ton, but it’s enough for me to be independent and comfortable, especially in an entry-level job.”
However, the woman’s 27-year-old sister is in a completely different boat.
After years of struggling with heroin addiction, she was arrested for possession of drugs with the intent to distribute, along with having an illegal firearm. She is currently facing a lengthy prison sentence.
“The real issue is that she just gave birth a few days ago to a baby girl, my niece, who was born addicted to heroin,” the woman revealed. “The baby is still in the hospital, going through withdrawal, and it’s absolutely heartbreaking to see.”
Iryna Inshyna | Shutterstock
Now, the woman’s parents are insisting that she adopt her niece since she is the most “stable” person in the family.
“Nobody else has the financial ability to add an extra person, especially a baby, to their home. They keep telling me that I’m the best option because I have my own place, a steady income, and no major responsibilities or kids of my own,” she wrote.
However, she feels differently about the situation.
“I’m only 21. I just finished college and haven’t even started my career yet. I’m terrified of taking on such a huge responsibility, especially for a newborn with special needs,” she admitted, adding that she never really wanted to have children.
The woman’s parents claimed she was being 'selfish' because if she didn’t step up, her niece would go into the foster care system.
“My mom even accused me of abandoning my niece, just like my sister did by getting involved with heroin,” the woman wrote.
With her niece being discharged from the hospital in a few days, the pressure the woman is facing to adopt her is climbing.
“I’m so close to breaking because I do care about my niece, and I don’t want her to suffer,” she explained. “But I’m also scared out of my mind that I won’t be able to give her the life she deserves, and I’m worried that I’ll end up feeling trapped or resentful.”
New Africa | Shutterstock
The woman sought the advice of other Redditors, asking if she would be wrong if she opted not to take in her niece.
Most commenters agreed that despite the pressure from her family, it was not the woman’s responsibility to adopt her niece.
“If you want permission to take in this baby, give yourself permission. If you want permission to say no, give yourself permission,” one Redditor commented.
“The facts are that you are not financially prepared for this. You don’t have a partner to rely on. You don’t want kids. And your support system sounds unhealthy at best," they continued. "I know the foster system is broken, so I can’t say with certainty that the baby will be better off there. However, you do know if raising the baby will be a bad situation for the baby and you right now.”
"If you’re not ready, you’re not ready," another user wrote. "It’s not selfish — it’s smart to know your limits."
“The baby is going to have lifelong medical issues. Let the child be adopted into a loving family. This is not your responsibility,” a third commenter wrote.
While it is certainly a heartbreaking situation, it is not the woman's responsibility to care for her niece if she does not feel able. Her sister made a choice, and now she must deal with the repercussions without expecting her family to step up.
Becoming a parent is serious and not something you should jump into because of outside pressure.
According to PsychCentral, there are several important questions you should ask yourself before — or adopting — having children.
Can you realistically afford it? Will you resent your children if you have to give things up to accommodate their needs? If you will be doing it solo, do you have enough support? Are you prepared to put someone else’s needs ahead of your own?
Deciding to have children is a huge decision and one that should be made with the utmost care. Parental persuasion, guilt, and a desire not to appear selfish are not good enough reasons.
While the woman’s niece deserves a loving home with the right parental support, the woman should not be forced to become a parent before she's ready.
As one commenter wrote, "This baby needs more than you can provide. It's OK to acknowledge that and doesn't make you a bad person in the least."
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.