Woman Refuses To 'Seek Out' Her Family's Christmas Plans After Her Mom Failed To Reach Out
She doesn't want to be the person organizing her family's Christmas gatherings anymore.
Impact Photography / Shutterstock A woman has admitted to being fed up with having to plan her family's holiday gatherings and felt it wasn't worth her time and energy to do it.
Posting to Reddit, a 28-year-old woman revealed that she was putting her mental health first this holiday season and couldn't be bothered to bring her family together.
She refused to 'seek out' her family's Christmas plans after her mom failed to reach out.
In her Reddit post, she explained that her family is quite small, and she is the oldest child and grandchild by nine years. A typical Christmas consisted of her grandparents, mother, and two siblings, both 19 and 17.
For each holiday, she went all out and was the first person in the family chat to organize Christmas plans for her relatives. She made sure that everyone had food they could eat, especially her vegan mom, and was the designated person in the family who wanted everyone to have fun and be together.
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"My grandpa is in the nursing home, but we bring him home on holidays. My aunt moved to Florida, and I know with both of those things on the table the holidays just feel - BLAH. So, I try my best to bring the magic Christmas [and] holiday feelings," she wrote.
Her breaking point came on Thanksgiving when she had to deal with passive-aggressive comments from both her mom and grandmother.
At one point, she recalled asking what card games she should bring, and her grandmother replied, "None."
"In that moment, I just decided I’ve had enough. It brings me so far down mentally because the entire planning experience is just constant negativity, and it’s like, what am I fighting for here?" she continued.
Fast forward to the upcoming Christmas holiday, and she made no plans or effort to bring her family together but was upset once she learned that an itinerary had already been made.
When she called her mom to discuss it, pointing out that no one made a move to tell her about the family plan, her mother responded that she was "an adult" who could help plan things and wasn't the only one with a life. Her mom claimed that if she wanted to know about Christmas plans, she should've reached out in the first place.
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"My mom works insane hours and we have always planned Christmas around her. No one else is even considered. I also simply asked and wasn’t pleased they hadn’t told me so I said goodbye and hung up the phone. Do parents not normally include their kids?" she questioned.
People agreed that she was not wrong for putting herself first and not letting her family affect her mental health.
"This is common with oldest kids who have an age gap between siblings. Your family treats you differently because you were the guinea pig. and your siblings probably look up to you as a second parent," one Reddit user shared.
"You are only one person and should not have to feel that kind of pressure. I would look for other comforts this holiday. Still try to engage with fam and play along but set up something separate with friends or do something special for yourself. Holidays are supposed to be fun. Don’t let them get you down."
Another user added, "You can decide to not join in on holidays/vacations anymore if this is an ongoing issue, but honestly, I would just get over it. I would just stop planning the holidays and letting it bother you so much — just ask what the plan is and show up."
Holidays aren't easy and it's important to put your well-being first.
It can be hard when you're designated role is a planner, in any situation or relationship, whether it's with family, friends, or in a romantic partnership. There is nothing more exhausting than being the person who has to bring everyone together and plan, especially when that effort is not appreciated or acknowledged.
There's nothing wrong with putting yourself first and refusing to do things like that anymore, especially around the holiday season when people should be feeling joy instead of unhappiness. Choosing comfort and self-care doesn't make someone a bad person, and is both a valid and commendable choice.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.