Woman Called 'Unreasonable' For Revoking Offer To Pay For Her Nephew’s College After He Fails To Meet 3 Specific Conditions
Her demands may be a bit too much for him to handle.
Photo By: Kaboompics.com | Pexels College is expensive. Anyone lucky enough to have family or friends willing to contribute to that investment is fortunate. Sometimes, however, that promise of financial assistance comes with strings attached to it. Such was the case for a woman who offered to pay for her nephew's college. She offered him a free ride, but he had to meet three particular requirements.
He agreed to her terms but didn't follow through. Feeling guilty, she took to Reddit to find out if she was in the wrong for withdrawing her financial support.
A woman is being called 'unreasonable' after she revoked her offer to pay for her nephew’s college because he failed to meet her conditions.
The 29-year-old aunt shared that she married into money a few years ago and lives rather comfortably. Her 18-year-old nephew, Jake, wants to attend college to become a doctor, but his single mom, the woman's sister, can't afford to send him.
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The aunt said she would be willing to help pay Jake's tuition if he met a few conditions. She wrote, "So, I laid out three conditions for Jake to meet before I’d commit to paying:
- He would need to work part-time (20 hours a week).
- He would need to complete 80 hours of community service each year. ( I myself volunteer at a food pantry and have offered him a volunteer position every few months when we need extra volunteers.)
- He needed to maintain a grade average of 75 or higher."
Everyone, including her husband, her sister, and Jake, agreed to the terms, but as the application deadline drew closer, it appeared that Jake wasn't completing the terms. She said his grade average is 72; he's only been working 10 hours and hasn't completed any community service. She's tried discussing it with him, but he just keeps promising to do better without showing any actual improvement.
The woman told her sister she wouldn't be paying for her nephew's education because he didn't meet her conditions, and now she's upset.
"She’s furious with me and says I’m being too harsh and that I should just help him regardless of whether he meets the conditions," the aunt wrote. "She feels like I’m abandoning him when he needs help the most. She also accused me of holding a 'financial carrot' over his head in a way that’s manipulative."
While she understands her sister's frustration, she still feels she's in the right because she wants her nephew to learn responsibility. Her husband agreed with her, but her sister has said that the threat of student loan debt will make Jake's grades worse, and she has been texting every few hours to guilt her into paying regardless of the requirements.
Critics thought the woman's requirements were unfair to her nephew.
"20 hours is a bit too much for a kid just yet along with the community service," one commenter said. "If he is just slacking then of course stop offering to help but if he is actually trying then maybe lower the hours and community service."
"It’s clear that OP doesn’t have kids because these 'conditions' are a huge ask, working 20 hours a week on-top of community service as a student that is an absurd [thing] to ask of the kid," another commenter responded. "I would say asking him to keep his grades up is enough I mean what is OP trying to prove with making him do community service and working?"
Research from the University of Washington backs up the commenters' complaints. They found that any work exceeding 20 hours a week showed a detrimental impact on both teen behavior and academic performance. Lead researcher Kathryn Monahan explained, “Especially in a recessed economy, many adolescents may feel pressure to work during high school. This study suggests that working during the school year is perfectly fine, so long as the work hours for adolescents are restricted to fewer than 20 hours per week.”
Working 20 hours and committing to community service is likely way too much for the teen to feasibly accomplish while trying to study and keep his grades up.
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While the woman's heart might've been in the right place by trying to teach her nephew some responsibility, she might've taken it a bit too far.
There's no doubt that the aunt had good intentions by setting up the requirements, but like with most things in life, sometimes what you anticipate needs to be tailored to what is actually feasible. Asking that her nephew's grades be kept above 75 is reasonable, but demanding 20 hours be worked per week for no reason other than just to work is not. That time could easily be spent on studying, other extracurriculars, or engaging in a social life. And while 80 hours of community service over the course of a year may not seem like a lot, on top of an already demanding load, it definitely can be.
Ultimately, it would be wise for the aunt to make some adjustments to her requirements. Her best bet would be to talk to her nephew and to create a plan that they both feel comfortable with. As long as they are both honest about their expectations and Jake tries his hardest, he deserves the opportunity her money can afford him.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer who covers relationships, culture, and human interest topics.