Woman Asks Her Sister To 'Adjust Her Lifestyle' So She And Her Husband Can Stay With Her For Several Weeks
Sounds like someone might be trying to move in.
ANTONI SHKRABA production | Pexels It's one thing to want to visit family, but it's a whole other thing to demand they adjust their entire life around them just because you want to see them.
One woman felt a bit guilty after she refused to "adjust" her lifestyle around her sister and her husband after her sister insisted on visiting.
A woman asked her sister to 'adjust her lifestyle' so she and her husband could stay with her for several weeks.
A woman got on Reddit to explain how she feels her sister is "overstepping" after she asked to stay for a couple of weeks.
The Redditor has a very established routine. She lives alone in a two-bedroom apartment where she prefers to be organized and quiet. "I like my space to be organized and have a certain vibe to it (think minimalist, calm, and quiet)," she wrote.
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The woman said her sister didn't tell her she was bringing her husband until she had already agreed to the visit.
Her sister lives three hours away and has been asking to visit, which she said would've been fine if not for the fact that she said she was bringing her husband.
Her sister got married a month ago to a man that the woman isn't familiar with and only mentioned that her husband would be joining after the woman agreed to let her stay.
She claimed he "doesn't feel comfortable being alone" for too long, so she wants the woman to accommodate their needs while they stay for a few weeks. She wrote, "This means rearranging my apartment for them, having 'quiet hours' during the day because he works from home, and no longer playing music or hosting friends when they’re around. Oh, and she suggested I stop using the guest room for my own 'hobbies,' which is how I unwind after work. Basically, I’m supposed to cater to their 'needs' and 'make space for their relationship.'"
The woman told her sister she wasn't comfortable with her demands. The sister called her "selfish," claiming it would only be for a few weeks, and is now threatening not to visit at all anymore.
"I’m really not okay with it — I feel like I would be giving up a lot of my personal space and peace of mind just for her convenience," she said. "Now, she’s threatening not to visit at all, and I’m feeling guilty but also like she’s overstepping."
She's been left wondering whether or not her own behavior was justified.
Commenters supported her decision to not let her sister and her husband visit.
Many commenters believed that the sister was trying to make herself a permanent resident with no intention of leaving once they settled in.
"Something fishy is going on here. Why would they expect you to rearrange your apartment, move out your hobby stuff, and basically change everything for them just for a few weeks?" one commenter questioned.
"It sounds like she wants to move in and live with you rent-free while, not really, searching for a place to live," another said.
"Sounds like they got evicted and have decided to take over OP's home," one wrote.
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This is a likely theory, considering they are demanding a lot for a trip that should be relatively short. Even if it isn't, it's still rather controlling and disconcerting behavior. Why should this woman change the way she lives for the convenience of a sister who doesn't seem to care about being a nuisance?
There's a line between being a welcome host and being walked over.
This woman made the right decision. Her sister crossed boundaries with no regard to how it might inconvenience her life.
Of course, when a guest comes into your home, especially someone as close as a sister, you want to make them feel welcome. However, in this case, the sister was crossing a line in her demands, which justified the woman's decision to refuse to let her sister stay.
If her sister is no longer visiting, then so be it; she should never have placed her husband's comfort over her generous family member.
It's important to set and uphold boundaries and not allow people to treat you disrespectfully, even if it means looking like the bad guy sometimes. Licensed marriage and family therapist Angela Sitka explained to Time, “It’s really speaking up for yourself in a way where you’re taking responsibility for your own feelings and actions, but you're also clearly communicating what you want from the other person.”
Sitka went on to say that, if done properly, discussing and enforcing healthy boundaries with your family can actually improve familial relationships.
Perhaps the woman's sister, after taking a beat to think about their disagreement, will realize what she was asking was out of line. It might even make them closer.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.