Husband 'Really Upset' After His Wife Gives Part Of Their Emergency Fund To Her Struggling Brother Without His Permission
It's always best to communicate about these things.
fizkes / Shutterstock When you’re in a committed relationship, most financial decisions need to be made within that partnership, especially when they involve more than one person’s money.
One woman, however, felt that was unnecessary and made a major financial decision without input from her husband.
A woman gave money to her brother without discussing it with her husband first.
One wife posted on Reddit and shared her story of her struggling brother and her angry husband.
“My brother lost his job recently,” she stated. “His wife is a [stay-at-home wife] (no kids), and their emergency fund is running out quickly.”
Her brother is trying hard to get back on his feet, but it’s still a rough time for him and his family.
“He’s in the process of finding a new one, but they’re really struggling, and I felt bad not to help in any way,” she said.
Meanwhile, she and her husband are doing very well for themselves.
She explained, “My husband and I, on the other hand, have two stable jobs and have an emergency fund that has an excess of money in it (24+ months’ worth of our normal expenses).”
The woman decided it was her duty to do something to help her struggling brother.
“So, I sent them a not-too-big portion of our fund, just to relieve them [of] some stress and buy them some time,” she said.
“My husband found out extremely quickly, and now he is really, really upset, but I had told him about my brother’s situation and hoped he’d understand a bit,” she confessed.
Unfortunately, her husband wasn’t as understanding as she’d hoped.
Fellow Redditors took her husband’s side.
Although this woman tried to do something nice for her brother and his wife, other Reddit users understood where the husband was coming from.
“This was not only your money, but your husband’s too!” one person argued. “You just gave away money the two of you saved without even telling your husband. And it wasn’t even an emergency … You selfishly chose to give away money and not [ask] your husband because you knew he wouldn’t say yes.”
“The money didn’t belong to you,” another said. “It belonged to you and your husband, and you owed him the common decency of talking to him about it before giving it away. Sounds like you thought it was better to ask forgiveness than permission.”
A third person insisted, “This is a relationship-ending betrayal. Why didn’t you discuss this with your husband first?”
It’s important to make financial decisions as a couple.
So-Fi pointed out that making money decisions together is essential to a relationship’s health. They recommended prioritizing communication to make sure this happens.
So-Fi said, “One key to having a productive and healthy conversation regarding money or a specific financial decision with your partner is to communicate your feelings, thoughts, and fears. Something that seems obvious to you may not be obvious to them, so give your partner the benefit of explaining yourself in a calm and thorough way.”
So-Fi also wrote of the advantage of compromising when it comes to money: “If you’re in a partnership, you already know that compromise is key. The good news is that with money, compromising is not only possible but often ideal. For example, you don’t have to pick just one savings goal to work on at a time. Financial decisions don’t have to be one or the other. Indeed, a multi-pronged approach is often the best way to build financial security.”
In reality, this woman wasn’t really trying to do anything nefarious behind her husband’s back. She was just trying to help her brother, which is admirable.
Unfortunately, she went about it the wrong way and could have seriously wounded her marriage in the process. A little communication and compromise would have helped here.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.