Parents With These 11 Traits Make Their Gen Z Kids Feel Alienated From The Family
Healthy family dynamics are no easy feat to achieve.
romeovip_md | Shutterstock While some Gen Zers are nearing 30 years old, some are still just entering their teenage years, navigating family life, high school, and the ever-evolving door of societal expectations, technological changes, and trends that inform their lives. Unfortunately, according to the Survey Center on American Life, Gen Z also experiences the highest rates of loneliness than other generations — not just in adulthood, but also in their youth.
Whether it's struggling to make friends, lacking general social connection, or other traits that make Gen Z kids feel alienated from the family they live with, this loneliness has huge impacts on their mental, physical, and emotional health that almost always follow them into adulthood.
Here are 11 traits of parents who make their Gen Z kids feel alienated from the family
1. They joke about their child's maturity or age
Wavebreakmedia | Shutterstock.com
According to a Gallup survey, 46% of Gen Z feels misunderstood by their parents, specifically when it comes to conflict resolution, open communication, and showing affection. Over 62% of them just want to feel listened to by their parents when they're upset, instead of criticized, offered unprompted advice, or made fun of for their unique problems.
Many experts suggest that Gen Z and their parents are experiencing the harmful consequences of a new generational gap, fueled by their changing cultural and social norms, technology, new beliefs and values, and high-stress struggles like financial insecurity. Feeling unheard by their parents often starts with not being taken seriously or not being actively listened to, which can start with jokes and end with larger conflicts about genuine communication.
Gen Z is more willing and able to express their emotions compared to many older generations that grew up learning to repress and ignore. This general divide can add another layer to this feeling of being misunderstood and alienated from their families that many Gen Zers experience.
2. They refuse to discuss their emotions
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
Gen Z is largely characterized as the most "emotionally aware" generation, as they've grown up with social media and online resources that expand their accessibility to information about mental health, healthy relationships, self-care, and personal development. They're given practical tools to learn these things early in life, even if their parents aren't openly communicative and emotionally intelligent.
Parents who feel threatened or insecure in the face of their Gen Z kids' emotional intelligence may resort to both repressing their own emotions and avoiding uncomfortable conversations. They may also gaslight and criticize their kids — saying they're "dramatic" or "overreacting" to self-soothe their own discomfort.
3. They have avoidant tendencies around conflict
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock.com
Parents with avoidant tendencies surrounding conflict and uncomfortable emotions often feed into emotional insecurity in their family system, according to a study published by Development and Psychopathology. By avoiding or degrading conversations about uncomfortable emotions, they not only repress their own emotions, they contribute to unresolved conflicts and resentful feelings in their kids.
Without clear, open, and healthy avenues to discuss these things with their parents, Gen Z kids feel alienated and generally misunderstood, feeding into the levels of loneliness they're constantly experiencing and mitigating in their daily lives.
4. They don't advocate for their kids
Motortion Films | Shutterstock.com
A parent's physical and emotional absence can contribute to "left-behind" children, according to a study by the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. These alienated kids are not just more likely to perform poorly in academic and intellectual spaces — with many of them choosing not to explore university options — they also struggle with their own emotional intelligence as a result of feeling unsupported growing up.
Parents can't protect and shield their kids from all of life's struggles, but they can step in and advocate for their kids when it makes the most sense — from bullying, to learning from mistakes, and encouraging open and honest communication. When they don't, they're only contributing to the ways that Gen Z kids feel alienated from the family.
5. They rely on favoritism at home
ORION PRODUCTION | Shutterstock.com
According to social psychologist Ilan Shriro, favoritism amongst parents and their children occurs in nearly two-thirds of families in the United States. Whether favoritism often manifests as less critical discipline, more rewards, or a higher degree of emotional and physical support from parents, it can also alienate other siblings and children that feel less loved and appreciated.
Sparking self-esteem issues, loneliness, and mental health concerns in many children, as they feel forced to change their personalities and habits to appease their parents, many of these Gen Z children learn that they're most comfortable when they're not at home or around their parents. Some might even adopt attention-seeking behaviors and people-pleasing tendencies that sabotage their relationships with their siblings and other family members by introducing resentment into their dynamics.
6. They don't respect their kids' boundaries
Pics Five | Shutterstock.com
Specifically with Gen Z and their reliance on technology, many parents struggle with accepting and respecting certain boundaries when it comes to their online activity, cell phones, and technological necessities.
Especially considering parents today are more protective than ever, with accessibility to more safety concerns about social media and "horror story" headlines online, it can be impossible to respect their children's phone privacy and personal space without constant anxiety.
According to a study from the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, this overprotection often does more harm than good in their children — taking away their autonomy in the home, pushing kids away from their parents, and sabotaging the fundamentals of trust, respect, and communication that are necessary for healthy parent-child relationships.
7. Openly criticizing their child's other parent
Fast-stock | Shutterstock.com
According to a report by the Family Institute at Northwestern University, parental "bad-mouthing" to children can have adverse effects on their familial relationships, comfort at home, and communication skills with both of their parents. By creating negative feelings and critical thoughts about their other parent in a child's mind, toxic parents can control the narrative of the family.
Especially prevalent in divorced and separated parents, this "parental alienation" not only puts their kids in uncomfortable situations in the middle of their adult parents, it sparks uncomfortable emotions like guilt and shame into their Gen Z kids that often take a lot of work to unlearn in adulthood.
8. They're insecure
Chay_Tee | Shutterstock.com
Emotionally immature parents are almost always battling with their own insecurities. They were taught (or learned) that expressing their emotions and communicating openly with others would only put them in a place to be ridiculed or judged by others, so they instead close themselves off. Even to their own children, they repeat this cycle of insecurity, sabotaging their self-esteem by teaching them similarly misguided self-preservation techniques.
According to experts at the Private Therapy Clinic, insecure parents struggle to meet their children's needs, mostly because they can't even meet their own. Especially detrimental for Gen Z kids who are more aware of this emotional gap with their parents, this behavior can be isolating and alienating for kids, even into adulthood as they try to navigate their own personal relationships.
9. They're skeptical about 'unconventional' jobs, social media, and technology
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
As the "digitally native" generation, Gen Zers have spent the majority of their lives around social media, cell phones, and technology, to the point where it's impacted every aspect of their identity from school, to their jobs, to their hobbies and interests. Especially for older Gen Zers that have crafted entire careers around this new technology — in seemingly "unconventional" ways to their parents — it's made a huge impact on their day-to-day lives.
Parents who are skeptical or talk down about their Gen Z kids' new perspectives and opportunities can spark resentment in their kids. Not only does it stop parents from being able to openly celebrate their kids achievements, it sparks seeds of doubt, anxiety, and guilt into their kids simply for pursuing their passions or interests.
10. They blame-shift
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
According to Cleveland Clinic psychologist Chivonna Childs, one of the main signs of a toxic parent who contributes to alienation in their children is their tendency to shift blame and avoid accountability. Instead of taking responsibility for their mistakes and actions, even at their own expense, to support and communicate openly with their kids, they blame-shift and victimize themselves.
Not only can this spark similar behavior in their kids as they grow up, it also alienates them from true bonds with their parents. They're taught that making a mistake is something to avoid at all costs, even if it means lying or being deceitful to the people closest to you.
11. They're not affectionate
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
According to licensed psychologist Akilah Reynolds, children who don't receive the necessary affection and affirmation from their parents in childhood will often experience more of the consequences of loneliness into adulthood than those who do.
Being able to give and receive open affection in a family is necessary to cultivating a healthy dynamic, and when children aren't given it without conditions, they resort to toxic attention-seeking behaviors to get their parents attention and fight to feel loved.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.