The 6 Traits Every Kid Needs & Why Perfect Grades Isn't One Of Them
Traits that truly matter for life success don't require perfection — but they do require this.
cottonbro studio | Canva You're waiting to pick your children up from school. The mom to your right starts bragging about her son's straight-A report card. The mom to your left goes into copious detail about how her daughter is just "too busy" to sleep at night because of all her extracurricular activities. Your kid doesn't have perfect grades and you can't help but wonder if they're missing the traits every kid needs.
What if your kid doesn't have what it takes? What if they, like most kids, perform strongly in some areas but struggle in others academically? Maybe the chances of your child going to college on a scholarship are slim, but does that mean your kid is not "successful"?
No way! Because your child has the advantage of something even more important. Research from the APA showed that your child's great personality is a far better predictor of their future success than grades alone.
Six traits every kid needs & why they don't need perfect grades for a wonderful life
1. Emotional resilience
Having to work a little harder for good grades gives kids much-needed grit that is lacking in today's "entitled" child culture. Kids who repeatedly hear they are brilliant or "perfect" struggle more as school presents increasingly challenging material. These kids come to believe intelligence is a finite commodity and, if things don't come easily, they quit trying.
Teacher Laura Lifshitz explained part of the dynamic between curriculum and performance, "To some extent, parents have no choice: public school dictates the curriculum and as the pressure increases for kids to do more at young ages, the pressure increases on parents to do more for our kids to help them succeed. It's a trap and we're damned if we do, damned if we don't. It's like we're all desperately shooting for the same gold star yet so many of us refuse to find an alternate path if that gold star is a bit out-of-reach."
A resilient child wants to learn and doesn't worry if they don't understand something the first time. They keep trying without beating themselves up over it. So, concentrate on congratulating your child for effort instead of outcome, or a great study session instead of a test score.
2. Intellectual curiosity
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Children who are eager to learn are invaluable assets to a company because they think outside the box. They look at learning from unconventional (read: innovative) new points of view.
Today's corporations are looking for this kind of mind because they need people who can generate revolutionary and industry re-defining ideas. People rarely learn this kind of problem-solving from a book, they learn it by doing (trial and error).
Look for ways to add to your child's curriculum with multiple modalities, and learn what kind of learner they are, as outlined by the APA. If they are more kinesthetic, they may enjoy a trip to a museum. If they are a visual learner, they may want to read more about a subject online or create art about a subject they are learning in school.
3. Open-Mindedness
College professors lament needing to teach core concepts all over again to incoming freshmen —because most high schools' advanced courses speed through a challenging curriculum just to say they covered it. Even more frustrating, these new college students resist this repeated teaching because they believe they "already know it all."
A student committed to a lifetime of learning is a welcome addition to any classroom. They don't worry they don't know an answer or have to ask a question, because they know there is always more to learn.
To cultivate an open, eager-to-learn mind, try having a family discussion at dinner time making sure there is no judgment allowed. Encouraging differences in opinion and stressing everyone's opinion is valuable, interesting, and significant to the conversation.
Parenting coach Mia Von Scha recommended, "Help your children to break through their naïve realism and think more creatively by shifting their viewpoint, even if just for a moment. They can do this by climbing on a cupboard to see what the world looks like from a different vantage point, by imagining being somebody else (perhaps someone very different from you — someone with a different culture or with some kind of disability), or by arguing something from the opposite viewpoint."
4. Kindness
Just because your child isn't running a non-profit at age 12 doesn't mean they are not creating change.
They have a wide group of friends who depend on them. Make time to get them together more often, or let them choose a charity they're passionate about, and organize a day they can volunteer there. Whether it's kindness to his community or just kindness to his friends, recognize your child for being kind, as well as smart.
5. Self-Discipline
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Slow and steady wins the race. If your child learns from mistakes and figures out how to balance their time, they are ahead of the game.
Research in Psychological Science showed that "hard work and discipline contribute more to school achievement than IQ does." These studies prove that consistent effort that leads to gradual progress outlasts last-minute cramming for a test or not needing to study much at all.
Encourage them to study in small bits daily with breaks (building the habit of self-discipline), and add fun activities to their routine to help them remember what they are studying and bring learning to life.
6. Confidence
A college admissions rep or a job interviewer is not going to ask your child to recite Hamlet or finish a calculus problem. They are more inclined to accept a person who can work both independently and on a team, who displays confidence they can handle a challenge, and who knows how to learn.
Let them start speaking up for themselves with teachers and other authority figures. You might also want to role-play with them as they get older for future interviews, which will also help them feel prepared and confident to embrace that college acceptance or job offer.
So, next time you happen upon another maternal bragging session in the schoolyard, know you and your kid are just fine. Persistence, creativity, and compassion lead to empowerment and success — not only in school but in life.
Of course, you want to support school performance, but teaching children how to learn and how to thrive socially is just as important. If we let our children's teachers lead them through the facts, figures, and essay writing, we can concentrate on lessons they need to learn outside of the classroom.
With this team approach, our kids end up more well-rounded, successful, and happier.
Kathryn Brown Ramsperger wrote for National Geographic and Kiplinger before working as a humanitarian journalist. She's an intuitive creativity coach and creator of Step Into Your Story!, as well as the author of two novels, including A Thousand Flying Things.