11 Things Parents Don’t Realize They Do To Make Their Adult Children Roll Their Eyes
Parents who think their kids are too grown to be annoyed with them may want to think again.
HBRH / Shutterstock Many kids have had the horror of witnessing their parents do something they found utterly annoying or embarrassing. Whether it's telling their friends embarrassing childhood stories or attempting to dance on TikTok, a child can easily get frustrated with their folks, no matter how old they are. While it may be more obvious when you are bugging your young kids, there are also things parents don't realize they do that make their adult children roll their eyes.
From continuously trying to coddling them to getting in the middle of their relationships, if parents want to improve their relationship with their kids, they might want to pay close attention to how their actions are coming across.
These are 11 things parents don't realize they do to make their adult children roll their eyes
1. They continue to baby them
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The first thing parents don't realize they do to make their adult children roll their eyes is that they continue to baby them. Understandably, it can be hard not to baby your kids after they leave the nest. Having spent the better part of eighteen years raising them, seeing their kids go off to college or start a family is a hard pill to swallow.
As a result, parents may nag their adult children and remind them to do the simplest things like pay their bills, make their bed, or wash their laundry. However, parents must learn the hard lesson of letting go, otherwise, they can unintentionally stunt their growth.
A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that too much over-involvement when children are trying to focus on an activity stunts their behavioral development. Specifically, children had a harder time regulating their behavior and emotions.
That said, parents should give themselves some grace. Though it might annoy their kids at first, having dependable parents to lean on during vulnerable times isn't a bad thing.
That said, be sure to balance things by allowing your kids to learn their own life lessons. Sometimes parents have to let their children fall for them to grow as individuals.
2. They ask too many personal questions
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It's normal for parents to be curious about their child's life. After spending years being heavily involved in it, it can feel abnormal to be cut off as soon as their child turns 18. Even so, allowing adult children the space to make their own relationships and decisions is the best way for kids to learn and grow.
Not getting involved and respecting their boundaries will better help them develop patience, problem-solving skills, resourcefulness, and responsibility, according to Gail Innis of Michigan State University Extension.
But one thing parents don't realize they do to make their children roll their eyes is that they ask too many questions.
Asking too many questions can feel like an invasion of privacy. and might just make adult children trust their parents less. Not only that, but certain questions cause adult children to grow uncomfortable, straining their relationship with their parents in the process.
To avoid this, parents should avoid asking personal questions unless their child brings it up. If they can manage to do this, it's likely they'll slowly begin to notice their child open up and trust them more.
3. They over-explain simple concepts
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Whether while getting their car fixed or paying their taxes, most adult children have dealt with an overbearing parent at some point. That said, one thing parents don't realize they do to make their adult children roll their eyes is that they over-explain simple concepts.
Nobody likes to feel underestimated by others. But that is unintentionally what parents do when they talk to them as if they are three years old.
Believe it or not, your adult children probably already know how to put air in a tire and pay their bills. Unless they explicitly ask for help, parents should assume that their adult child has things covered.
Unfortunately, the worry and anxiety parents experience for their children, often prevent them from letting things go, causing them to over-explain simple concepts.
To avoid this, psychotherapist Pamela S. Willsey LICSW, BCD, PCC suggested that parents get curious about their feelings before asking. This means parents should ask themselves, "What am I feeling at this stage? What thoughts are creating these feelings? What can I choose to think that'll make me feel more secure about our connection? How could I manage my mind better? Most importantly, what can I do or shouldn't do to respect my child's boundaries."
Reflecting on these questions and jotting down the answers will help parents avoid the habit of over-explaining simple concepts and allow them to let their children grow.
4. They offer unsolicited advice
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Everyone has dealt with this at some point in their lives. They'll vent to their parents, only to be met with unsolicited advice. Sure, most of these individuals likely have the best intentions. Maybe they just wanted to help their child out since they were going through a hard time. Unfortunately, this makes matters worse, as they feel unheard and frankly annoyed.
Like it or not, one thing parents don't realize they do to make their adult children roll their eyes is they offer unsolicited advice.
Parents who've gotten into the habit of interjecting may have a hard time stopping this habit. According to professor of psychology Thomas G. Plante Ph.D., ABPP, it's best to channel that energy by leading by example.
He explained that most people don't listen to unsolicited advice. However, they do unconsciously follow the behavior of others. This means that if parents are worried about their children making bad decisions, they should be the example that they want to see in their children.
Though this might take a while, slowly, adult children will begin modeling behavior as they see what it takes to be a good and upstanding individual.
5. They bring up past mistakes or embarrassing moments
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Another thing parents don't realize they do to make their adult children roll their eyes is they bring up past mistakes or embarrassing moments. Past mistakes are meant to guide children and help them learn valuable life lessons. Yet, what happens if they can't move forward since their parents keep reminding them of who they used to be?
According to a study in 2017, negative reminiscing is often linked to a decrease in overall well-being. With this in mind, parents should allow the past to stay in the past and instead, comment on how much their children have grown.
Saying, "Wow, I've noticed how hard you've been working," is a great way to uplift their children without dragging them down by mentioning past mistakes or embarrassing moments. As one study published in Child Development, praising children based on effort, not characteristics, results in greater persistence and better outcomes.
6. They constantly judge or criticize them for their life choices
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Parents won't always agree with their children's life decisions. After all, parents and adult children are different people with different ways of thinking. Because of this, another thing parents don't realize they do to make their adult children roll their eyes is that they constantly judge or criticize them for their life choices.
It's okay for parents to disagree with their children's decisions in life. Yet, judging them for every decision they make is exhausting and disheartening. Some parents forget that children, even adult children, need to feel loved and supported. However, when parents constantly criticize and demean them this can have the opposite impact.
What should parents do instead of criticizing their adult children? According to professor of psychology Kenneth Barish Ph.D., setting aside time to listen is a great place to start.
He noted, "When we listen, we make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate our child's point of view and to acknowledge what is right about what he is saying before we point out what is wrong."
Knowing this, parents should listen and say, "I completely understand where you're coming from," before respectfully saying, "But I don't believe that was the right decision. Even though I respect your decision, I might've done this differently."
7. They make comparisons to other people's kids
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Everybody hates comparisons and adult children are no exception. Unfortunately, many parents tend to unconsciously compare their adult children to others without even realizing it.
They might say, "Oh wow, your cousin is doing this and they're your age." Or worse, they might say, "When I was your age I already did this."
According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, while parents thought that comparison better improved their children's motivation, researchers found that children may experience a decrease in motivation to master tasks.
So, what should parents do if they've already gone down this road and now, their adult children are no longer close to them? Fortunately, children don't require much to forgive. Like any relationship, adult children want to feel respected, heard, and understood.
Knowing this, parents should focus on reaching out and scheduling a visit. Next, they should sit down and apologize for comparing them to anyone else. By using 'I statements,' acknowledging how it made them feel, taking accountability, and telling them how they plan to do better, their relationship with their adult child can fixed with a little courage and humility on their part.
8. They comment on their kid's physical appearance
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Most people know that talking about looks can be a sensitive topic. When visiting friends or seeing a coworker at a work event, it can be disheartening to hear that someone thinks you don't look good or that it appears you've gained weight.
That said, a common thing parents don't realize they do to make their adult children roll their eyes is comment on their kid's physical appearance.
There's a rule that unless someone can fix their appearance in five minutes it's better to not mention their looks — and when looking at research, this makes perfect sense. According to a study published in the British Journal of Developmental Psychology, children as young as three were influenced by their parent's attitude toward weight.
Interestingly, a study in 2023 also found that their child's dissatisfaction with weight can actually increase the parent's dissatisfaction with their own weight.
Even so, most parents believe that by commenting on their children's appearance, they're somehow helping. Based on the research these parents are highly mistaken.
If someone is a parent and has done this before don't fret. There is always time to apologize and most importantly, change their behavior.
9. They try to set them up with other people
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One thing parents don't realize they to make their adult children roll their eyes is try to set them up with other people.
For many people, it's entirely awkward to go on a blind date with someone their parents set them up with. Adult children also get frustrated with this because they feel as if their parents are butting too much into their lives and not allowing them to make their own decisions. As a result, adult children quickly grow annoyed with their parents, sometimes leading to an explosive encounter.
To avoid this, parents shouldn't pressure their kids into getting married or settling down. Instead, support them, even if it means they remain single forever. Now, is that ideal for most parents? No, but if it truly makes their kids happy, then, so be it. At the end of the day, parents will still have their adult children and furbabies to look after.
10. They make plans without asking them first
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Most people hate being pressured. When they have a million things to do and little time to do it, it can feel annoying to suddenly have a random event spring up from nowhere. As a result, one thing parents don't realize they do to make their adult children roll their eyes is they make plans without asking them first.
Parents need to remember that their adult children deserve respect, and respect doesn't only come in the form of speech. Rather, respect or disrespect can also be conveyed through actions.
When parents make plans without asking most adult children tend to grow frustrated because they feel like their parents aren't respecting their time or worse, don't care about their time.
To avoid this, parents should always send a text message and ask, "Hey, I'm thinking about doing this on this date. Is that okay?" Additionally, they should give their kid a heads-up in advance meaning they should allow their child two days to respond, and ideally, it should be a week before the event. That way, everybody is happy — and nobody is rolling their eyes.
11. They ask about work way too much
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Finally, the last thing parents don't realize they do to make their adult children roll their eyes is they ask about work way too much. According to a study in 2022, work-life balance is a must. Researchers found that people who don't have a work-life balance tend to experience extreme burnout. This is bad, as burnout can lead to stress and even anxiety.
This is why parents mustn't ask too much about work. Even if they're curious, constantly asking can bring up negative feelings and cause their adult children to grow frustrated.
Plus, there are better things to talk about than work. Instead, parents should take an interest in their hobbies or whatever it is that makes them tick.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.