3 Things Every Child Needs In Order To Grow Up Feeling Loved & Accepted
A therapist's perspective on what truly matters.
mihailomilovanovic | Canva As parents, all you want is the best for your kids, and you'll likely do anything to get them there. But knowing how to help your kids feel loved in a way that will give them the life-long confidence to take on the world isn't easy. Most of us either overdo it or fall short.
So, how can you help your kids feel a better sense of belonging in this world? Attachment therapist Eli Harwood explains the three ways to help your child feel a sense of belonging in this world in a helpful, inspiring video.
Three things every child needs in order to grow up feeling loved and accepted
1. They need to know their emotions are OK
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The first step is to make sure your children feel loved and accepted regardless of their emotional states. But what does this mean?
Your child is going to have bad days. They'll have days where they feel sad, angry, grouchy, or hopeless. How we react as parents is what matters. Often, when our children are in an off mood, we react negatively. We yell, sigh, roll our eyes, or ignore our children during their emotional episodes. I get it, we don't always want to deal with a temper tantrum.
However, what message do we send when we ignore them during their time of need? Or, when they act up? We essentially say their difficult emotions are too burdensome for us to handle.
What message should we send instead? According to Harwood, our children should know, "They do not need to perform in order to be connected to us."
2. They need to know we find their presence delightful
"The heart of felt belonging is feeling wanted in the room," begins Harwood. Unfortunately, most parents miss the mark on this one.
Parents have a lot going on right now. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, "67.0 percent of these families both parents were employed." With both parents working, ;it might feel impossible to make time for children. Especially, if you barely have time for yourself as it stands. ;
Although it's understandable, as parents, you need to set aside time for your children and take those twenty minutes to connect with your child. The connection lights up their world and lets them know you enjoy their presence, because your children are worth it.
3. They need to feel we are proud of who they are
Whether you know it or not, your child is always seeking your validation, as supported in a study of emotion validation by parents. They want to know you're proud of them and you appreciate them. ;
Harwood explains, "Not for what they do but for who they are." We can appreciation their quirky sense of humor or their ramblings. We don't mind their authentic self and the flaws that may come with it. ;
Your child needs to know you're proud regardless of what they may or may not accomplish in life. Because, "Our children can sense that they are wanted, they are accepted, and we are proud of who they are," explains Harwood. ;In the same breath, they can also sense when they're not accepted or wanted. ;
So, do you want to protect them from rejection? Do you want to help them unconsciously surround themselves with people who love, adore, and cherish your child as much as you do?
Then, start by doing the little things. Let them know how loved and cherished they truly are. Let them know their presence is more than welcome, and regardless their success, you're proud of them as they are. ;
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.