11 Struggles Parents Of Gifted Kids Experience That Those With Normal Kids Avoid
Every parent's experience is unique and comes with its own set of unexpected obstacles.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock.com While every child deserves to be treated like they're "gifted," whether it's in an academic context or at home indulging in passions and unique interests, many truly gifted kids — characterized by their quick-witted nature, creativity, competence, and exceptional learning abilities — often have specific needs and expectations their parents are responsible for advocating for and acknowledging.
While the struggles parents of gifted kids experience that those with normal kids avoid may seem subtle, especially amid the other joys and excitements of a gifted experience, they're necessary to address — both for the health and well-being of a child's future, and their parents well-being in the present moment. By addressing these challenges and creating space for them to be addressed, parents of gifted children can heal from the burdens society has placed upon them.
Here are 11 struggles parents of gifted kids experience that those with normal kids avoid
1. Managing their children's schedules and expectations
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Especially in today's age, where so many students are struggling with heightened academic pressures and demands, parents of gifted children feel an incredibly tough burden trying to manage their kids' academic achievement, personal growth, and rest.
Amid extracurriculars, homework, and societal expectations, especially for gifted kids facing more pressure, parents often feel overwhelmed with keeping a schedule while advocating for their kids' diverse interests and needs.
Like educational consultant Barbara Klein suggests, a gifted child's emotional and academic intensity is often a struggle for their parents to manage and advocate for. With a tendency to constantly push back on parental expectations and question their regulations at home, parents of gifted children often struggle to find a healthy balance of setting boundaries and managing their children's responsibilities.
2. Feeling pressured to explain themselves to their kids
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The curiosity and skepticism that often fuels gifted children in their academic and social success is also one of the struggles parents of gifted kids experience that those with normal kids avoid. Whether it's setting up household expectations or managing their children's schedules, their kids' tendency to constantly question everything can be exhausting and taxing amid the chaos of everyday life.
While it has the power to open up stimulating and productive conversations at home, especially regarding power dynamics and relationships between parents and their kids, sometimes the arguments and disagreements that evolve as a result of their questioning can feel overwhelming and time-consuming amid a rigidly tight and structured schedule.
3. Overcoming stereotypes about gifted children
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There's no specific archetype or mold for gifted children to fall into, similar to a typical child. From their different hobbies, to their unique interests and modes for learning, each gifted child forms and grows into their own identity, with their own needs, wants, and desires.
For parents, overcoming the stigma and societal expectations for gifted children can be difficult, especially if they're looking for resources or information for how best to support them online. The key to fostering the healthiest relationship for these parents with their children is to openly communicate, even when it's difficult or uncomfortable.
By getting to know their interests and finding out what they need, parents of gifted kids can support them in figuring out what works best for them in every aspect of their life. If they're leaning towards creative outlets, encourage them to pursue them. If it's academic interests they prefer, give them the tools to succeed.
By removing themselves from stereotypes around gifted kids — what they are, how they should be parented, or expectations — and showing up for their unique child, a whole new dynamic unfolds where parents focus on their child, rather than what they expect them to be.
4. Having their uniqueness and gifts be perceived negatively in traditional classrooms
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Like experts from the Fordham Institute explain, the gifts associated with a truly gifted child, like an excellent memory, heightened energy, or rapid learning abilities, can often be distracting in traditional education settings like a classroom.
Considering classrooms and teachers are generally taught to regulate and manage their students according to a standardized curriculum, with rigid expectations and rules, gifted kids can fall through the cracks and feel misunderstood in the greater context of education.
Especially for families that don't have specialized learning programs or schools suitable for their kid's gifted success accessible to them, it can feel overwhelming, discouraging, and confusing for parents to advocate for their child against "the norm" in a traditional classroom or educational setting.
5. Feeling pressured to stimulate their children outside of school
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Like clinical psychologist Gail Post argues in her book "The Gifted Parenting Journey," a gifted child's success is dependent on their environment and the support they receive in pursuing their interests and practicing their gifts. When they don't have that kind of support or acknowledgement at school, their parents take on that burden at home.
Of course, gifted children deserve the same kind of recognition and support as their peers. But that responsibility, often tailored by educational experts and administrators for neurotypical kids, can become a burden for parents with gifted kids.
Encouraging them to challenge and navigate their kids to a more comfortable baseline, the confusion of having to guide their kids outside of school without help for themselves can be one of the struggles parents of gifted kids experience that those with normal kids avoid.
6. Dealing with more emotional outbursts at home
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Without the challenge and stimulation of a tailored education system at school, many gifted kids feel misunderstood when they return home. They are burdened with feelings of isolation and resentment and struggle to verbalize it.
Like experts from the Davidson Institute explain, the intense emotions and hypersensitivity that often drives the unique qualities within gifted kids can also manifest in anger and emotional outbursts at home, alongside the discomfort from their experience at school. Coupled with perfectionist standards at school, burdened with being a "role model" or high-achieving student in their classrooms, gifted kids can feel like they're falling short easily, which sparks anger and frustration.
Mediating and managing these emotional outbursts is one of the struggles parents of gifted kids experience that those with normal kids avoid, not just because they're exhausted amid the chaos of life, but because they can be difficult to contextualize without emotional intelligence and security.
By opening up uncomfortable conversations and being a beacon of safety and support for their kids to express these complex emotions early in life, parents can succeed in advocating and addressing their children's struggles, but it's not an easy task at first.
7. Feeling guilty when their kids feel isolated or alone
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While a healthy parent-child relationship and support at home can be incredibly beneficial for gifted kids, especially early in life, the friendships and platonic social connections they cultivate at school and within extracurricular activities play their own role in actively encouraging and supporting kids growing up.
A SENG investigation on gifted kids suggests that many gifted kids struggle to read social cues or connect with their neurotypical peers, cultivating feelings of isolation and alienation at school or in friend groups. While it's not something parents are always in control of, they still tend to bear the burden of guilt or anxiety for their gifted kids, seeing the way their isolation or loneliness affects them at home.
Especially for parents that don't have a lot of extra time, money, or energy to invest in their kid's extracurricular activities or events — where many kids make friends and practice social skills — the burden can feel overwhelming, sometimes sparking disconnect and frustration at home.
8. Seeking out resources and help
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On top of all the other responsibilities and challenges of parenting, parents of gifted children are often pressured — for good reason — to seek out resources and help to best support and advocate for their kids.
While they often acknowledge the benefits of this extra help and knowledge in their daily lives, the actual process of finding the right experts and making time for learning can feel overwhelming amid work, financial struggles, stress, household responsibilities, and even parenting other kids.
Sometimes, it can even be uncomfortable for parents to advocate for their kids, like maintaining more open communication with their child's teacher or scheduling meetings with a counselor. But at the end of the day, it's part of their responsibility as a parent.
While it's important to acknowledge the benefits of these actions and intentions, it's also equally necessary to address the challenges, emotional turmoil, and stress that accompany them, especially for parents who are also living for the first time.
9. Struggling to motivate their kids through 'underachievement'
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Like the Davidson Institute suggests, many gifted children fall into the trap of "gifted underachievement," where their grades suffer as a result of lacking stimulation, creativity, support, and challenge in traditional classrooms. While there may be tips and tricks for motivating neurotypical kids through challenge or disengagement in school, the resources for parents of gifted children are much less thorough.
Facing the "potential gap" — where a gifted person's abilities outpace their classroom resources or structure — in their kids, parents of gifted children often struggle to cultivate healthy space for their kids' success in academic contexts.
Without the time or money to help them find a new place or even homeschool, many parents are burdened with guilt when they're forced to confront the social, personal, and mental challenges their kids experience as a result of their frustration and isolation.
10. Their own insecurities becoming apparent in their kid's negative self-talk
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Especially for "twice-excpetional" students that are both gifted and neurodivergent in some way, whether it's coupled with a learning disability or social struggle, the tendency for them to struggle with feelings of self-worth or negative self-talk is often more prevalent compared to their neurotypical peers.
Whether it's falling behind at school, without proper support and resources, or struggling to make friends, gifted kids often attack their own worthiness as a result of not meeting impossibly high expectations.
For parents that haven't addressed their own self-esteem issues or insecurities, addressing this need for external validation or positive self-talk can be difficult and uncomfortable. Kids learn how to positively speak about themselves from their parents, and when their parents aren't comfortable in their own skin — actively loving themselves and being a role model of confidence for their kids — gifted kids, specifically, can fall victim to adopting their unhealthy habits.
11. Feeling pressured to break down 'perfectionist' standards for their kids
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Especially for high-achievers and gifted kids in classrooms that generally take on the responsibility of being a "role model" for their peers, many find themselves constantly battling a perfectionist mindset, where the standards and expectations they're held to are nearly impossible to consistently achieve.
From getting straight As to excelling in extracurricular activities, gifted kids often experience burnout faster and more often than their peers, sparking discomfort, anxiety, and unnecessary stress in their lives.
Mediating and disintegrating these expectations is one of the biggest struggles parents of gifted kids experience that those with normal kids avoid, as their kids are often more prone to the stress and anxiety associated with them.
When they fall behind, struggle to make friends, or feel overwhelmed by their busy schedules, it's a parent's responsibility to remind them that they shouldn't feel pressured by unrealistic expectations. However, for parents without stellar emotional intelligence or communication skills, bridging this gap and compensating for these standards — especially if they're subconsciously upholding them at home with passing comments and praise — can be difficult.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.