11 Signs You Were Raised By A Gen X Mom (And It Shows)
If you were lucky enough to be raised by a Gen X mom, everyone will know it.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock Considering many Gen X parents spent their own childhoods learning resilience, self-sufficiency, and hard work from a young age, it’s not surprising they developed a unique collective vision of how they wanted to do things differently than their boomer parents. With a strong commitment to their professional lives and a strong sense of values, Gen X's unique take on parenting shaped their mainly millennial and Gen Z kids' for better and for worse. And if you were raised by a Gen X mom, there will be plenty of signs that show that fact to the rest of the world.
While everyone's childhood is different, people who were raised by the women of Gen X tend to share some specific lessons, experiences, and values.
These are 11 signs you were raised by a Gen X mom and it shows
1. You were allowed to experience life’s natural consequences
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Compared to other generations of parents that struggle with overprotective tendencies in light of the Internet and accessibility to all kinds of information, one of the signs you were raised by a Gen X mom is that you were allowed to experience the natural consequences that come with living your life.
If you want to go to bed late, you’ll suffer through school the next day. If you make a bad choice hanging out with a toxic friend, you’ll quickly understand how they’ll overlook your well-being for their own.
Of course, some Gen X parents may have adopted certain helicopter parenting-like tendencies, according to psychologist Holly Schiff, like getting overly involved in their child’s school or being persistent about their child’s developmental needs, but for the most part they are comfortable letting their kids engage in things like unsupervised play that allow them to learn life’s natural consequences.
2. You were encouraged to be independent
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One of the signs you were raised by a Gen X mom was feeling autonomous from a young age. Not only was a Gen X parent more likely to let you make your own decisions and learn from your mistakes, they avoid over-correcting, even when you may make poor choices.
Gen X parents largely value individualism in their households. Considering they can be helicopter parents at times but also value not being overly protective, they urge their kids to build the skills and mentality necessary to navigate life's struggles on their own.
Alanna Gallo, founder and CEO of Play. Learn. Thrive. & Growing up Gallo, stated that Gen X parents encourage individualism and independence in their kids by letting them make mistakes from a young age. Rather than demonizing their mistakes, they take the time to reframe them at home, offering up opportunities for growth, teaching moments, and communication.
3. You spent a lot of time alone
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While many Gen X parents intentionally encouraged their kids to be more independent and self-sufficient, they were also one of the busiest parenting demographics — working full-time jobs and adopting the responsibilities of being a "sandwich generation,” caretaking for their older parents at the same time as they raised their own children.
According to surveys from the Pew Research Center, more than half of Gen Xers are responsible for an adult child and an aging parent today. Of course, this affected the time Gen X mothers had to spend at home with their kids, but it also created a unique dynamic today with their adult children.
From offering their parents and kids alike everything from financial assistance to quality time, many Gen Xers have their hands full, unable to be everywhere at once, which can cause stress between young adults already grappling with the changes of early adulthood.
4. You had a packed schedule
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While discourse today about over-scheduling kids and keeping up with extracurriculars is more open thanks to social media, many Gen X parents were adamant about making everything work without complaint. Especially for middle class families that had the opportunity to ask for help, invest in another vehicle, or sacrifice time for the sake of their kids’ experiences, they were over-scheduling as a long-term investment in their kids’ education and success.
Whether it was travel sports teams, after school programs, summer camps, SAT prep, or a million other random lessons and experiences, Gen X parents who had the means made sure to give their kids the opportunity to learn and grow, even if it meant adding to their already packed full schedule.
5. You weren't often compared to other kids
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Compared to millennial and Gen Z parents today who are constantly affected by comparison culture on social media and the internet, Gen Xers were largely protected from the unrealistic parenting standards and expectations online dialogue now sparks. While their kids still certainly faced discomfort being compared to their Gen X mom’s friend’s children at times, it wasn’t always a constant and common experience to deal with to the same degree it is today.
Gen X parents could commit to their kids’ individualism outside the scope of comparison culture online, letting them pursue their preferred interests, move at their own pace, and make mistakes free of judgment about what they could be doing better.
Of course, that’s not to say that online spaces and comparison can’t provide opportunities for younger parents to build community. A New York Times article on “earnest millennial parenting” suggests that in addition to occasional anxiety and criticism, having someone or something to compare yourself to can be motivating and educational to some extent.
6. Your mom was pretty much always the class chaperone
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According to The School Superintendent’s Association, many Gen X parents were less interested in the “common good” approach to education than generations of parents before them that preferred individualism, mainly looking out for themselves and the best interests of their own kids.
Whether it was volunteering in the classroom, being a class chaperone, or frequently intervening with their children’s teachers if they felt like something was wrong, Gen X parents — despite being relatively relaxed and hands-off in many other aspects of their kids’ lives — were willing to engage with their kids’ education and be a part of their learning process.
Rather than the helicopter parent title many Gen Xers were assigned in news articles, these experts suggest they were more like “stealth fighters” — not hovering, but saving their energy and being strategic about where they were willing to attack.
7. You didn't talk much about mental health in your home
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According to a study from the Indian Journal of Psychiatry, discussions of mental health carry more stigmatized for older generations like Gen X than they are for younger generations of millennial and Gen Z parents. Rather than learning emotional intelligence skills or self-regulation tools, Gen X parents adopted the idea that mental illness could be simply “switched off” and controlled by a mentally stable person.
They were taught to push through and stop overthinking, causing them to constantly overwork themselves, ignore their needs, and avoid vulnerability in their relationships and with their families. If you grew up in a household that struggled with these ideas — never talking about mental health or even ridiculing people who were more vulnerable and open to these discussions — that could be one of the signs you were raised by a Gen X mom who was taught similar lessons early in life.
8. You rarely shared a family dinner
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Despite being fundamental to family bonding and connection, and a staple in many Gen X parents’ own routines growing up with boomer parents, research conducted by social scholar Robert Putnam reveals that the share of families eating regular family dinner has drastically declined.
Not only did Gen X parents not prioritize sharing meals at home with their kids, they occasionally expected their kids to feed themselves, as they were too busy with work and other responsibilities to do so.
In many ways, Gen Xers believed their harshly demanding work schedules were a natural part of life. Similar to their boomer parents, many Gen Xers simply pushed themselves through everything — overworking themselves even at the expense of their own well-being or quality time with their families.
9. You received lots of thoughtful advice
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Despite largely valuing independence and self-sufficiency in their children, one of the signs you were raised by a Gen X mom is their thoughtful and timely advice. Whether it was navigating a conflict at school, learning to stand up for yourself, or even figuring out how to build your own adult life in your 20s, Gen X mothers would make the time to offer guidance.
A 2020 study on parental guidance found that Gen X mothers’ tendency to give timely advice and offer guidance during key moments in their children’s lives was pivotal to their kids’ happiness and success.
“Parental advice is not ‘the more the better,’ especially when the advice is unsolicited,” authors from the study say, but rather quality communicative moments where they can impart wisdom, empathy, and confidence.
10. You were taught resilience over fear
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According to social critic Elwood Watson, PhD, Gen Xers were largely guided by a spirit of resilience that’s less common in younger generations like millennials and Gen Z today, especially given heightened mental illness concerns and the presence of social media. Considering Gen X parents taught their kids to be self-sufficient, to make mistakes without guilt, and navigate their own struggles as they arose, their kids tend to be more resilient today, rather than anxious and fearful.
Of course, this tendency towards resilience amongst Gen X parents is painted with a broad stroke, but in most cases, one of the signs you were raised by a Gen X mom is your ability to persevere, even through uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing moments.
11. You have a close relationship with your mom today
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Even alongside rising rates of “no contact” relationships and tension in parent-child relationships, one of the common signs you were raised by a Gen X mom is having a close relationship with her today. If you feel a strong urge to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner, communicate often, and still spend quality time with your mom in adulthood, that could be representative of the family values Gen X mothers prioritized from a young age.
Considering Gen X grew up in homes where close family relationships were strongly valued, it’s not surprising that many continued to prioritize them when they started their own families.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.