8 Signs You Are A Good Parent That You'll Only Notice After Your Kids Move Out
Parenting often seems like an uphill battle, but it's all worth it in the end.
PeopleImages.Com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Parents are their children's emotional and physical protectors. They act as guides through the darkness, showing their kids how to become the most authentic versions of themselves.
Being a parent doesn't come with any set playbook, which makes it hard to know if you're doing a good job. You may look for signs you are a good parent, wonder if your kids are okay, and ask yourself questions that don't have clear answers. Am I doing this right? Do they need things I'm not giving them? Are they eating enough vegetables?
Your kids might not express their appreciation for you when they're young, but by the time they grow up, they'll let you know that you did right by them.
Here are 8 signs you are a good parent that you'll only notice after your kids move out
1. Your kids love to come back and visit
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Watching your kids spread their wings and leave the nest isn't easy for any parent. Letting your kids establish independent lives, away from the home you raised them in, is a bittersweet process. You're proud of all they've accomplished, but you don't want them to go.
You miss the joy and chaos of having your kids around, even as they turned into teenagers who relied on you less. Your house might seem too quiet, too clean. You might find yourself wishing that you'd find their sneakers under the couch or that they'd call you for a ride home because they missed the bus again.
A sign that you were a good parent that you'll only notice after your kids move out is if they enjoy coming back to see you after they're grown. Maybe they visit on weekends or school breaks, so they can have a home-cooked meal or beg you to do their laundry. They might not tell you outright, but visiting is an indication that they miss you.
If they live far away and can't make it home often, they'll call you at random times of the day, just to check in and say hi. They ask for your advice, they tell you stories about their roommates, or they demand to see photos of the family dog five times a day. No matter what they talk about, the act of calling is a display of their love.
2. Your kids have a strong moral compass
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If your kids grew into adults who live by a strong set of values, it's a sign you are a good parent.
Kids model what they learn at home when they go out in the world, and that isn't always a good thing. Kids who are bullies are often raised in toxic households where they get bullied, themselves. But if your kids have a strong moral compass, it means they not only know right from wrong, it means they align their actions with their beliefs.
You instilled in them a sense of empathy and compassion that they took on as their own and became considerate adults who understand other people's feelings. Kindness is the ultimate virtue. If your kids are gentle with themselves and kind to the people around them, you did a really good job raising them right.
3. Your kids practice good self-care
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From a very young age, kids have to be taught how to take care of themselves properly. As a parent, you showed them how to brush their teeth and tie their shoes, how to eat a balanced diet and keep themselves healthy. You also tended to their emotional needs by being present, attentive, and supportive, and showing them how to process their feelings in healthy ways.
All of these elements help kids come into their own as adults, so they develop a strong sense of what it means to truly care about themselves.
If your kids grew up with a solid foundation for self-care, they'll live a fulfilling life. If your kids have a self-care practice that centers around their physical and mental well-being, it's a definite sign that you are a good parent, one you'll only notice after your kids move out.
4. Your kids are emotionally resilient
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Being emotionally resilient means your kids can handle the inevitable hardships and setbacks that life will throw their way. They stay calm when facing challenges because you taught them how to regulate their emotions in a positive way.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson explained that raising confident, secure kids depends on a parent's ability to cultivate an emotional connection. She noted that the most valuable parenting tool is meeting your kids' emotional needs with gentle communication: Be present, hear their emotions, and lower your voice and speak in a soft, gentle tone when you respond.
Raising emotionally intelligent kids isn't easy, but there are certain steps you can take to build their capacity to hold difficult emotions. According to The Gottman Institute, parents can "use [their] child's negative emotions as an opportunity to connect, heal, and grow." Parents should help their children label how they feel. They should avoid punishing them for having negative emotions, which only serves to teach kids the damaging message that their emotions are bad.
If you raised your kids by holding space and respect for even their hardest emotions, they'll become adults with healthy coping mechanisms and a deeply-rooted sense of emotional equilibrium.
5. Your kids balance asking for help with self-reliance
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Another sign that you're a good parent that you'll only notice after your kids move out is if they're able to be self-reliant, while also knowing when to ask for extra support.
They're not so independent that it causes them harm, but they're not helpless, either. They try to solve certain problems on their own, but they also know that they can come to you or another trusted person in their life and get the help they need.
This balance of asking for help while also being self-sufficient means you gave them the right amount of support and the right amount of independence. They learned to feel confident in themselves, while also absorbing the lesson that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, but rather, of strength in vulnerability.
6. Your kids seek out learning opportunities
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If your kids are curious about how the world works, even in adulthood, it means you raised them to value education, knowledge, and self-improvement. You might not notice this trait in them until after they've moved out, but you'll be able to tell fairly easily if your kids are lifelong learners.
Even if they choose not to go to college, your kids still want to learn new skills in other ways. They pick up new hobbies or take classes that teach them a trade, like plumbing or auto-mechanics. Maybe they learn a new language on their lunch breaks or visit the library every week.
Whatever form their habits take, they're a sign that you fostered a love of learning and showed them that it's never too late to try out something new.
7. Your kids advocate for themselves
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Standing up for yourself often feels insurmountable, especially if you weren't raised to believe that you had the right to do so. Yet giving your kids the confidence they need to know when and how to advocate for themselves is a sign that you are a good parent.
By teaching your kids about boundaries at a young age, you gave them a lesson that will serve them well for the rest of their lives. They know that they're inherently deserving of respect and compassion, and they expect to be treated as such. Maybe their boss takes credit for their work or their frenemy keeps ditching their plans.
If your kids advocate for themselves in both personal and professional arenas, it shows you helped them build a strong sense of self-worth.
8. Your kids respect different perspectives
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As your kids become adults, they'll quickly learn that not everyone sees the world the same way they do. They can either judge a person based on their own values system, or they can accept that people can hold their own viewpoints without being right or wrong.
If your kids respect different perspectives, it's definitely a sign you are a good parent. Their mindset of tolerance allows them to see the world as an expansive place. Even if they don't agree with someone else's perspective, they can hold space for differences of opinion.
Their open-mindedness is a testament that you raised them to be tolerant and respectful, which shows just how successful you were in providing them the communication skills they need to find success.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.