10 Signs You’re Raising A Boy Who'll Be A Total Relationship Failure
This world needs more good men.
AS photo family/ Shutterstock Ladies, we need to talk about something. What we need to talk about is the way we’re raising boys. Now, I know that you all definitely want the best for your sons and that you also want them to be amazing husbands for their future wives, right? I’m hoping you’re agreeing with me for the sake of future generations of kids.
If you’re like me, you’ve already seen a lot of men in your lives that weren’t raised right.
These are men who will never have a wife, may have domestic violence records, or may just be too inept to function as adults despite being old enough to drink. You do not want your little boy to turn into one of these, do you? Of course not.
But as it stands right now, I’m seeing a lot more of our boys turning into these kinds of men.
And we as moms have to stop it.
The best way to stop it is to nip those bad behaviors in the bud — and I mean both his bad habits and yours. Make no mistake about it: you may have good intentions, but if you notice these signs, you need to make a change in how you’re raising a son.
Here are 10 signs you’re raising a boy who'll be a total relationship failure:
1. Your son treats you badly
Does he berate you when you cook him dinner? Does he expect you to clean up after him, or tell you that it’s “woman’s work” to do housekeeping? If so, you have a serious problem on your hands, and you need to address it immediately.
You need to look at where he’s getting those ideas and see if you can curb that influence in his life. If it’s not a person, you may need to bring him into therapy. This kind of behavior is often a warning sign that he’ll commit acts of domestic violence against girlfriends.
2. You do his homework, push away every little obstacle he has, and also try to play matchmaker with him
I understand you want your son to succeed, but pushing everything out of the way isn’t what will give him the strength and character to make it in this life — professionally or personally. If anything, this kind of behavior makes him think that everything should be presented to him on a silver platter.
Worse still, you might be depriving him of necessary life skills like negotiation, mathematics, learning how to accept rejection, as well as learning how to recover from failure. Without those skills, life will run him over.
3. You tell him that he needs a good job to get a girlfriend
This, at first glance, does seem like good advice. But the problem is that we all know it’s not always about the money. But young boys don’t know this and some men grow up never learning otherwise.
What ends up happening with these guys is that they think that all women want is money, rather than love. Saying things along these lines may also make him think he’s entitled to women, and as we all know, no one is entitled to a spouse regardless of how much they make, how good they look, or what they do.
4. You praise him often but aren’t warm
This dynamic has actually been noted as a key sign that you may be raising a child to become a narcissist. Both boys and girls need warmth from their parents to grow healthy and excess praise doesn’t do that.
5. When you can’t vent to your spouse, you turn to your kids for emotional support instead
Uh, this is really bad, and it’s how you end up with Mama’s Boys. While it’s normal to have a closeness with your son, this isn’t normal. Psychologists call this “covert incest” for a reason. If you notice this pattern in your household, you need to get to therapy and book a session for your kid, too.
6. Your relationship with your spouse is dysfunctional or downright abusive
Kids have a tendency of copying the patterns that they see their parents having or going to have in the opposite extreme. If you’re abusing your husband, they may end up subconsciously choosing to do “preemptive strikes” against their girlfriends. If your husband is abusing you, your kids may end up thinking it’s normal to see guys hitting women or screaming at them.
Either way, if this rings true in your household, you need to leave for the sake of your kids.
7. Your son is the center of your universe
This habit is way, way too common with parents these days. Studies have shown that this tends to increase the chance of your son having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or just really, truly awful entitlement issues. If he wants to have a happy, functional relationship in the future, your kiddo will need to learn that there are other people in the world.
8. You give in to every request or you deliver empty threats
Both of these are teaching your son that he can disrespect others and get away with it. Worse, it teaches him to take others for granted. Boundaries are a thing you need to learn, for his sake and yours.
9. You’re so enmeshed with him that the thought of him living his own life without your guidance cripples you with fear
If you do things right as a mother when raising a son, there will be a time when he’s ready to move out and make his own decisions. If you find yourself sabotaging his ability to live his own life without you, you’re slowly turning him into a Failure To Launch. Trust me when I say that no woman will want to deal with a man like that (or a mother-in-law like you) in the future.
10. You blatantly ignore glaring red flags
You keep having to explain away alarming calls you’re getting from school about his bullying. Cops keep showing up at your house and you keep bailing him out. His tantrums are really out of control, but you don’t want to get help. For your safety’s sake and for his future’s sake, do something about this. Help is available if you ask for it.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.