10 Signs Of An Overprotective Mother Who Was Probably Under-Protected As A Daughter
All she wants in the world is for her kids to be safe, but sometimes she takes the urge to protect them too far.
milias1987 / Shutterstock An overprotective mother who was probably under-protected as a daughter is the way she is for a reason. These mothers keep an especially sharp eye out for their children because they understand how cruel the world is and wish someone had done that for them.
People shouldn't expect a mama bear like this to back down from her overprotective nature anytime soon, but she may want to check in on herself from time to time to keep her overbearing nature in check for the sake of her own mental well-being, as well as for her children's. While she certainly has her child's best interests in mind, overprotective parenting can result in low self-esteem and a lack of resilience.
These are 10 signs of an overprotective mother who was probably under-protected as a daughter
1. She's overly controlling
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Overprotective mothers who were probably under-protected as daughters can't help but be overly controlling over their kid's decisions. They may not allow their kids to pick out their outfits for fear they won't fit in or hang out with their friends after school for fear they'll do something dangerous.
Though they might appear overbearing, they truly come from a place of good intentions. Most of these mothers didn't have a great support system growing up. They may have been abandoned at a young age or left to fend for themselves.
A study published by the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that orphaned and abandoned children were increasingly likely to experience traumatic events because of their dangerous environments and their parent's absence. As a result, these overprotective mothers are increasingly anxious about the dangers of the outside world due to their own personal experiences, resulting in their kids being overcontrolled and overcoddled.
2. She constantly worries about her kids safety
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The next sign of an overprotective mother who was probably under-protected as a daughter is if she constantly worries about her kid's safety. These unprotected daughters had to face the world and all of the dangers it had to offer on their own. From being ignored to trying to sleep through late-night arguments between their parents, most of these overprotective mothers grew up feeling unloved and unappreciated. As a result, these mothers are terrified that their kids will follow in their footsteps.
A study published in Child Abuse & Neglect found that kids who grow up facing maltreatment have an increased risk of engaging in risky and anti-social behaviors. Not only that, but researchers also found that young females had an increased risk of depression.
Knowing this, it's unsurprising that overprotective mothers constantly coddle their children. At the moment, it might feel like 'annoying behavior.' However, most mothers do this from a place of love and fear — truly not wanting her kids to repeat the same mistakes she did.
3. She has a difficult time letting her kids be their own person
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Overprotective mothers make their kids the center of their universe and as a result, have a harder time letting their kids be their own person. In their minds, kids becoming their own person means letting them leave the nest and enter the cold-gray world they've been trying to protect them from. And because of this, overprotective mothers will fight tooth and nail to ensure that their kids remain just that — kids.
This overbearing nature might not do well in the long run. According to research published in Child Development, overcontrolling parents stunt their children's developmental growth. These same kids achieve lower scores in academics and have more problems at the workplace as adults.
This is why overprotective mothers should allow their children to explore their interests and make their own decisions. As hard as it may be, allowing this will make for better-developed adults who can deal with life's challenges head-on.
4. She finds it hard to let go
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Another sign of an overprotective mother who was probably under-protected as a daughter is if she can't seem to let her kids go. Allowing children to leave the nest leaves most parents teary-eyed. However, an overprotective mother takes it a step too far.
Instead of encouraging her child to move out or travel to another state for college, she'll instill fear and self-doubt. In a firm voice and with her hands on her hips she'll say, "You don't need to rush to grow up, you still have plenty of time."
Though this sentiment is sweet, it poses an even bigger problem — incentivizing dependence. According to a study published in SSEA, allowing children to become overly-dependent on their parents leads to negative outcomes during adulthood.
5. She shows a bit too much emotional support
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Overprotective mothers who were probably under-protected as daughters didn't feel emotionally supported by their parents. Coming home from school upset was often met with dismissive eye rolls or sighs of annoyance. In the moment, parents might not have thought their behavior was that big of a deal. However, their dismissive behavior had a bigger impact on their daughters than they realized.
According to a study published in the Clinical Journal of Pain, parental dismissal often leads to adults that grow up feeling hostility towards their parents. This hostility impacts their relationship for the worse, and causes these now overprotective mothers to distance themselves from their parents.
Because of this, under-protected daughters grow up to be over-protective mothers who show just a little bit too much emotional support for her kids. Excusing bad behavior, these mothers protect their kids from anything that can hurt them, which doesn't allow to take their own risks or develop resilience.
6. She's highly critical of their kids relationship
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Over-protective mothers want the best for their kids since they were under-protected as a daughter. This is why they'll go out of their way to buy the best clothes or to enroll them in the best schools.
Unfortunately, this sort of mentality can go too far and cause these over-protective mothers to drive away their kid's potential partners. Feeling like the person in question isn't deserving, these mothers will drive a wedge between the two until they inevitably break up.
If by some miracle their kids don't break up, the over-protective mother is out of luck. It's unfortunate, but many kids will slowly cut their parents off to protect their relationship and mental health in the process.
Knowing this, over-protective mothers should give the benefit of the doubt before jumping to the worst conclusions. Otherwise, they might unintentionally cause their relationship with their kids to crumble.
7. She's not good at setting boundaries
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Another sign of an overprotective mother who was probably under-protected as a daughter is if they're not good at setting boundaries. These mothers like to get into their kids' personal space and ask them extremely personal questions. Sitting on their kid's bed, they'll give unsolicited advice and insert themselves into their kid's personal affairs.
In the moment, this might seem frustrating or annoying to their kids, however, most of these mothers do it because they were constantly ignored and tossed to the side as a child. As a result, these mothers will get close to their children even if it makes their kids uncomfortable.
And sure, this might seem considerate and sweet from the outside. However, this lack of boundary setting can be catastrophic if these overprotective mothers aren't careful. According to licensed psychotherapist Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW, not setting boundaries results in extreme burnout and exhaustion, which can lead to high irritability for both parties involved.
8. She constantly rescues her kids
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Overprotective mothers who were probably under-protected as daughters don't know what it's like to be rescued. Whether it was problems at school or home, nobody ever stood by them and helped them out of a tough situation.
As a result, these under-protected daughters grow into overprotective mothers who feel the need to save their kids from everything. Whether it's a rude teacher or a disrespectful friend, these mothers will always step in and rescue their children from uncomfortable situations.
Unfortunately, constantly doing this will make her kids hyper-dependent on her, which is dangerous, as these kids grow into adults who can't trust themselves fully. This is why moms need to stop saving their kids from every little thing. It's unfortunate, but the only way kids learn to be successful is through failure.
9. They can’t trust their kids with responsibilities
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Another sign of an overprotective mother who was probably under-protected as a daughter is if she can't trust her kids with responsibilities. It can be frustrating for kids to feel like their parents don't trust them with even the simplest things in life. Going to the grocery or driving to school alone can quickly become a hassle with an overprotective mother.
These overprotective mothers don't do this out of spite. Rather, they do this because they're secretly terrified of their kids getting hurt. Growing up, these protective mothers were left to her own devices. As a result, they faced a lot of setbacks and pain, causing them to not trust even their kids with simple responsibilities later.
Many of these kids will assume that their mothers don't trust them in particular. Due to this, it isn't surprising to see these same kids acting out and proving their parents right. After all, overprotective mothers never had much faith in them in the first place.
To prevent this from happening, overprotective mothers need to take a leap of faith and believe in their children's ability to make good decisions. And on the flip side, parents should expect their kids to mess up, lie, and make dumbfounding mistakes at times. Licensed social worker Mendi Baron, LCSW, explains, "Not lying to you should be a standard, but know that they're going to lie to you."
Because of this, he says, the system parents implement should be built on trust, and when that trust is lost through reckless actions, it should be earned again.
10. They speak for their kids
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Finally, overprotective mothers only want their kids to shine bright and be happy. They want their kids to be fulfilled in life and most importantly, they want their kids to be successful.
Unfortunately, this line of thinking gets a bit problematic when these mothers feel the need to interject at every turn. Whether it's ordering for their kids or picking out their kid's major, overprotective mothers will speak for her kids because their own parents never spoke up for them.
Growing up as an under-protected daughter left them feeling unsafe and not taken care of. As a result, these under-protected daughters vowed to never make the same mistakes as her parents did, which explains why these mothers are always speaking for their kids out of turn.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.