12 Lonely Signs Someone's A Married Single Mom
If these signs sound familiar, you're parenting both your husband and children.
Rido | Canva Having talked to a lot of housewives in my day, I’ve noticed a strange trend among these ladies that’s made me rethink marriage altogether. Though they may have that wedding ring I so covet, and though their husbands promised they’d never leave their sides, these women don’t act taken.
I don’t mean that in the sense of them being flirtatious; rather, they act like they are the only person in the household who is putting in any adult effort, and that makes them act more like bachelors than wives. Most of the moms I meet act single, primarily because their husbands leave them alone for so long that they may as well have never married at all.
I call these ladies married single moms, and I don’t envy them. After all, it’s really hard to see why they’d bother staying married when they are feeling alone in their marriage.
Here are the signs someone's a married single mom:
1. You do the vast majority of childcare and housework — and you don’t get a break
Here’s the thing about being a housewife that a lot of guys don’t get: it takes a lot of work. Moms who don’t get breaks and don’t have husbands who pitch in often feel like they’re the only ones doing work and that will cause resentment, big time.
2. You're in charge of the childcare, housework, and income
Onjira Leibe / Shutterstock
This is the point where you may just want to admit that your husband is dead weight in the relationship. If you were to leave him, he’d be the one suffering, not you.
In the United States, women are more likely to be responsible for childcare and housework, even when they earn as much as or more than their husbands. Gallup research found that as working women and mothers continue to struggle for equal treatment at work, they are more likely than men to fulfill many core housekeeping tasks at home.
3. You resent your husband
Both for sleeping in on the weekends and going out for days at a time, primarily because you don’t ever get to do the same. There’s something to be said about being left alone for days or weeks at a time.
It's lonely, and it often indicates that your husband is not taking your needs into account. If you constantly feel like you’re being forced to “hold down the fort” but never get thanks for it, you’re a married single mom.
4. You stop expecting him to make time for date night or even dinner
This is a sign that you’ve subconsciously just given up hope on him being there for you. At this point, you might want to ask yourself if you’re getting anything out of the relationship.
This means that you have reached a point in your relationship where you no longer anticipate or rely on your partner to initiate plans for a dedicated evening out together, even a simple dinner date because they consistently haven't been doing so. A 2021 study suggested you have a direct conversation with your partner about how you feel, expressing your need for more dedicated time together and asking why they haven't initiated plans.
5. You take care of fixing anything that's broken in the house
And you’re so used to it that you no longer even bother telling him about it. If this is the norm, and it’s not because you enjoy fixing things, congrats. You have become both the man and the woman of the house. (Why are you with him again?)
6. You feel like you have an extra child
Technically, you probably do. It’s called a man-child, and you married one. This is a particularly rough kind of single mom-dom that can only get better by dropping the kidult and seeking a better partner.
7. You hold down the fort because he's away from the house a lot
Though they may have to be away for work, there’s a certain point where your relationship will suffer as a result of his absence. This can be a good time to ask yourself if you are working through it, or if you’re just more worried about no one being there for you.
8. You know that if your husband died tomorrow, not much would change about your routine
Rawpixel.com / Shutterstock
Sure, you might be sad about it, but realistically, nothing would change except for your financial situation at most. You’d still be the one doing all the work and keeping everything in order.
9. You could probably have an affair and he’d never notice
If you don’t think he’d notice if you were sneaking around, it’s a sign that you are no longer married on an emotional level. Even if he’s physically present as a roommate, this is a sign that it’s 100 percent over.
10. You feel like you got a bait-and-switch deal
You know that marriage is supposed to be a partnership, but you don’t feel anything like a real partner here. If you feel cheated out of the good parts of marriage, you’re probably a married single mom.
Your partner might've initially presented themselves as someone with certain qualities or behaviors that attracted you. Still, once you committed or became invested, they significantly changed, revealing a different, less desirable version of themselves, leaving you feeling misled and deceived.
A 2015 study recommended communicating what you need and expect from the relationship and being prepared to walk away if your partner is unwilling to address your concerns.
11. You stopped asking your husband to help you with anything
Because all he’ll do is call you a “nag” or just delay doing it until you do it yourself. This is very common among women who have husbands who just refuse to pull their weight and be an adult.
When this happens, it’s not that his job is keeping you from having a marriage. It’s that he just doesn’t care enough to keep you happy or even keep you feeling like you’re taken.
12. You feel very alone in your relationship, even though you're married
Do you feel like everything is one-sided? Do you feel isolated? Are most of your pleas for help, affection, and attention falling on deaf ears? If so, you’re living a single life while still married. You may need to fix that.
Even when married, feeling alone is a shared experience. It often stems from poor communication, a lack of emotional intimacy, differing life goals, or simply not feeling heard or understood by one's partner.
The Pew Research Center concluded that it is essential to address these feelings by openly communicating with one's spouse and, if necessary, considering couples therapy to work through the issues causing loneliness.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.