11 Rare Signs You Were Raised By A High-Quality Parent, According To Psychology
Don't underestimate the privilege of having a great parent growing up.
AlessandroBiascioli | Shutterstock While great parenting styles and truly good parents often look vastly different across households, cultures, and families, the nature behind their skills — like empathy, respect, trust, emotional intelligence, and security — remain the same. Great parents, according to a study from Nature Human Behavior, have the power to drastically impact their children's well-being, relationships, and growth — in childhood and later in life — so their choices and decisions hold a lot of power.
When they choose to lead with empathy, support, and unconditional love — a few of the principles behind the rare signs you were raised by a high-quality parent, according to psychology experts — they set their kids up for success. But when they focus on policing behaviors, avoiding conflict, and perpetuating societal stigmas, it's at the expense of their kids' futures.
Here are 11 rare signs you were raised by a high-quality parent, according to psychology
1. You're comfortable changing your mind
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Especially early in adulthood, where the world seems to open up for you and there's a million choices, it's ironic that there's a societal pressure to grab and claim certain parts of your identity.
From picking a career, to investing in hobbies, and even finding a partner, society urges people to solidify their desires and needs and feverishly pursue them, sparking feelings of misguided guilt when they inevitably change their minds or pursue other things.
One of the rare signs you were raised by a high-quality parent, according to psychology, is the kind of deep-rooted self-confidence it takes to feel comfortable changing your mind. Changing your mind isn't a weakness — it's actually a sign of resourcefulness, adaptability, and strength.
When you grow up in a household where your parents lead with empathy and grace, allowing you to change your mind and live life authentically, rather than alongside unrealistic standards or societal pressures, you grow into an adult who's not only confident, but self-aware and comfortable enough to change their mind, admit when they're wrong, and restructure their values.
2. You were allowed to learn from mistakes
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Parents who let their kids face the natural consequences of their actions and provide a safe space to admit to, discuss, and take accountability for mistakes tend to breed adults that are not only more confident later in life, but have the capacity to build better trusting, fulfilling relationships.
Making mistakes isn't typically an optimistic and empowering experience, according to a study from Frontiers for Young Minds, but learning how to mitigate the discomfort around making a mistake and knowing how to comfortably move forward can remove some of the guilt, anxiety, and stress around these experiences.
Parents who teach their kids the growth aspect of making mistakes give their kids the tools to succeed later in life — in the workplace, in their personal lives, and in relationships.
For example, an adult child with a growth mindset who slips up on a diet, makes a mistake at work, or hurts their spouse can easily take accountability for their mistakes and move forward, while someone else may ruminate on their mistake, stay stagnant, and consistently miss teaching opportunities for growth.
3. Your parents set healthy boundaries at home
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Many parents misguidedly adopt "boundary-setting" behaviors closely associated with fear or guilt at home, trying to police their kids behavior under the guise of therapy speak and healthy parenting styles.
However, truly high-quality parents set boundaries to remind their kids of the behavior they'll tolerate without relying on fear or punishments to police it — like setting privacy expectations, foundations for respect and empathy, and open communication at home.
According to clinical experts from the Child Mind Institute, leading by example is the most productive way for high-quality parents to teach their kids about boundaries, but it's also possible to empower them toward self-advocacy.
From advocating for bodily autonomy to emotionally regulating themselves after name-calling, parents wield a lot of power in setting the stage for their children's emotional intelligence later in life by using boundaries in a thoughtful way.
4. Your parents didn't 'fix' your problems
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Many parents fall into an unhealthy cycle where they're constantly fixing their kids' problems and isolating them from personal struggles. Whether it's talking to a teacher at school, doing their homework for them, or trying to soothe their personal discomfort, overbearing parents who wield too much control over their kids' lives are sabotaging their opportunities for personal growth and self-discipline.
One of the rare signs you were raised by high-quality parents, according to psychology experts, is the level of independence and resilience you have today. If your parents allowed you to ask for help, solve your own problems, and build critical thinking skills at home, chances are you're more confident in your abilities to do the same today.
Of course, these parents also made sure their kids felt comfortable asking for help when they needed it, allowing them to feel comfortable not knowing things and seeking advice in adulthood. Luckily for these adult children, according to a study from Management Science, they're often perceived as more competent and intelligent in adulthood for doing so.
5. You don't demonize any specific emotions
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Parents who spend time validating their kids' emotions, crafting a safe space for them to discuss, and modeling emotionally intelligent behaviors like setting boundaries give children the opportunity to build their own self-awareness.
Of course, self-awareness isn't just characterized by acknowledging the things you do poorly, it's also about knowing what you do well, and adult children who grew up with high-quality parents embody that kind of self-awareness. They don't demonize certain emotions or avoid addressing their hurt, they're present, in tune with their emotions, and grounded.
Considering their parents never made them feel guilty for expressing emotions or sparked anxiety around vulnerability, these adult children now have the capacity to acknowledge, address, and heal from their emotions without shame — oftentimes in the present moment.
They're not thrown off guard by discomfort, afraid of their own anxiety, or shameful about sadness — they can acknowledge that it's just an emotion worthy of grace, not something that has to derail their entire demeanor.
6. Love was never conditional
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While transactional, narcissistic, or innately self-centered parents might have weaponized their love, admiration, and respect — for example, relying on a reward and punishment system to police their kids' behavior — one of the rare signs you were raised by a high-quality parent, according to psychology experts, is quite the opposite.
Not only were all of these basic principles — trust, love, praise — unconditional, they were regularly displayed, embodied, and offered up without being asked for. From physical affection, to active listening in conversations, and emotional support or vulnerability, high-quality parents take the time to get to know their kids and be there to offer up their love when it's needed.
Many adults learn how to engage in healthy relationships from their parents early in life, according to a study published in BMC Public Health, which is why so many are still navigating toxic dynamics, guilt-tripping partners, and weaponizing vulnerability and love for the sake of getting what they want. It's what their parents did to them growing up, so in many ways, they don't know any better.
7. You don't want to be famous
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According to author Alain de Botton, who regularly intertwines both philosophical and psychological ideas, adult children who grow up wanting to be famous generally don't have incredibly healthy parents.
Not only are they more focused on external validation than a sense of inner peace, security, or reassurance, it's likely that their parents sparked this tendency within them, making them work or provide something in exchange for love or fall in line with unrealistic standards and expectations.
However, having a child who wants to be famous isn't necessarily the end-all-be-all for bad parenting; there's a lot of reasons why people may want to share their thoughts with the world, have a great deal of attention, or be famous. But seeking external validation as a result of your childhood experiences may be.
Kids learn how to build their own self-worth, self-esteem, and internal security from their parents, according to a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, which is why so many people struggle with forming healthy relationships, pursuing their goals, and protecting their emotional wellbeing later in life — their parents were poor role models or they made vulnerability, mental health, and internal self-esteem feel taboo.
8. You love going home
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It may seem simple, but it's surprisingly one of the rare signs you were raised by a high-quality parent — wanting to go home often, be around your parents, or seek their support, even after you've developed an independent adult life of your own.
It's not just about personal development — growing into a respectful, empathetic, and ambitious adult; it's about compassion, connection, and trust. Do you feel empowered after you leave your parents' house? Do they fill your cup up? Are they respectful with your boundaries and thoughtful about respecting your adult identity? Do you feel safe and secure when they're around?
If you love going home and being around your parents, something that sadly seems to be a rarity in today's world, chances are they did a great job raising you.
9. You didn't avoid your parents when you were in trouble
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One of the rare signs you were raised by a high-quality parent, according to psychology, is the comfort and security you felt in going to them for help. When you were in trouble, you ran toward your parents — seeking out their guidance, support, and advice — rather than away from them, trying to hide your mistakes and avoid punishment.
Many kids who fear disapproval, punishment, or judgment from their parents, even into adulthood, tend to take on an unnecessary burden of anxiety for their mistakes. Whether it's rooted in emotional manipulation, parents lacking empathy, or people-pleasing tendencies, they'd prefer to hide, lie, and avoid their struggles than bring them to their parents' attention.
However, in adulthood, children who continue to seek out their parents' guidance and support generally have a great relationship with them; they don't feel afraid or pressured to hide their struggles.
10. You have a foundation of good values
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They may be subtle in adulthood or deeply rooted, but one of the rare signs you were raised by a high-quality parent, according to psychology, is having a strong value system that you acquired from childhood.
From leading with empathy, to respecting everyone, and knowing how to advocate for yourself, the value system your parents built in you is the key to building fulfilling relationships in adulthood, caring for your personal wellbeing, and achieving your goals later in life.
11. You were encouraged to pursue your goals
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While there are many adult children today that struggle with envious parents or resentful families — who either blame them for their own responsibility or are jealous of their success and freedom — one of the rare signs you were raised by a high-quality parent is your parents' sense of empowerment.
Not only did they support and empower you to craft goals, they pushed you to get out of your comfort zone, achieve your aspirations, and be ambitious with your life.
It's the traditional parenting concept of "roots and wings," according to PsychCentral's Scientific Advisory Board, that encourages parents to instill great values in their children, while also giving them the confidence, strength, and support to go out into the world independently and pursue their goals.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
