11 Rare Signs You Were Raised By A Low-Quality Parent, According To Psychology
Moving on from resentment and emotional turmoil starts with recognizing these experiences.
My Agency | Shutterstock While the majority of adolescents and even adult children report having positive relationships with their parents, according to a 2023 Gallup report — characterized by warm and affectionate discipline, consistent parenting standards, and communication — there are still several rare signs you were raised by a low-quality parent, according to psychology. Of course, being a low-quality parent can be synonymous with being a manipulator or a bad person, but being a "bad parent" generally doesn't make you an inherently "bad person."
Many of the behaviors and traits that characterize a low-quality parent stem from their own emotional turmoil, insecurities, or trauma. They may love and care for their child, but coping with their own issues disconnects them from being 100% present and responsible as a parent. Acknowledging these behaviors can help adult children to heal from the childhood experiences and struggles they might have previously made excuses for, giving them the freedom to move forward.
Here are 11 rare signs you were raised by a low-quality parent, according to psychology
1. They frequently said their life would be better without kids
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Many of the rare signs you were raised by a low-quality parent, according to psychology experts, are unique to certain situations, relationships, and family dynamics. But one that many people tend to have in common is their parents' distaste for parenthood.
Whether it's social, financial, or personal, they tend to alienate themselves from parental identities, going as far as to resent their own kids for making them a parent or giving them parenting responsibilities.
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that parents who struggle to form a "stable parental identity" often develop depressive symptoms and mental health struggles — making it even harder for them to bond with and fully show up to support their kids.
Especially when having children or taking on a parenting role is largely unplanned, it's not surprising that many people have to overcome the discomfort of responsibility, but high-quality parents learn to cope without sacrificing their own kids' well-being.
2. They avoided conflict or arguments
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According to data from Gallup's report, parents are more likely to report a healthier and happier relationship with their children when they do not avoid arguing with their kids. They also suggest that their kids are less angry, frustrated, and emotionally reactive than the kids of parents who avoid conflict and emotional conflicts.
The distinction between "high-" and "low-" quality parents isn't necessarily what low-quality parents actively do to hurt their kids or how they parent, but rather, the kinds of things they refuse to do — from communicating openly, to arguing with their kids, and even accepting responsibility for being a parent.
3. They rarely disciplined you
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According to psychotherapist Sharron Frederick, many children who grow up without discipline from their parents don't learn about boundaries, often left to make their own decisions, fend for themselves, and navigate adolescence without rules or stability. "Children look to parents to define what boundaries are," she added, "and the consequences that can occur if the child crosses the boundaries."
Like many of the other rare signs you were raised by a low-quality parent, according to psychology experts like Frederick, they aren't necessarily indicators of a "bad person," but rather, a parent that's coping with their own internal turmoil and stress in ways that disregard principles of parenthood like support, setting boundaries, and communicating expectations.
4. They used the silent treatment
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Many transactional parents, who withheld and weaponized their affection to get what they wanted, bred children with inherently low self-esteem and self-worth. Navigating a relationship with their parents that was equally co-dependent and unstable, these children adopted a misguided truth that they were only capable of receiving and being worthy of attention and love when they had something to offer.
Whether it's the silent treatment — withholding basic communication until they got what they wanted — or other subtle behaviors like being overly reliant on reward/punishment rituals, low-quality parents weaponize their kids' basic needs in toxic ways.
Into adulthood, this misguided idea has the ability to sabotage relationships, encouraging adult children to people-please and avoid expressing their needs to receive affection from toxic partners and peers. Like many of the other rare signs you were raised by a low-quality parent, according to psychology, behaviors like the silent treatment can be subtle, but linger in an adult child's life long after they've left home.
5. They publicly embarrassed you
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Kids who grew up being shamed and intentionally embarrassed by their parents around others often develop an overwhelming fear of failure — worried they'll be judged for not meeting perfectionist standards or appeasing other people in their lives.
According to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, parents — specifically fathers — often spark feelings of shame and guilt in their children from a young age by relying on permissive parenting styles characterized by a lack of formal boundaries and expectations.
In this specific study, parents who viewed their children as "friends" and vice versa were more likely to spark low self-esteem and shame in their kids, alongside more formal events like fostering a negative relationship with or separating from their spouse.
Into adulthood, this rare and subtle behavior can take different forms, like a parent speaking poorly about their kids behind their back to others. While it's hard to acknowledge and contextualize, especially in early adolescence, being shamed into meeting expectations or doing what your parents ask is one of the rare signs you were raised by a low-quality parent, according to psychology.
6. You struggle with authority figures now
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Considering low-quality parents — a child's first "authority figure" in many ways — weaponized their emotions and cultivated an unstable family dynamic at home, it's not surprising that many of these adult children now harbor mistrust and resentment towards authority.
Of course, parental alienation and avoidant behaviors are a kind of emotional manipulation, like a 2022 study from the journal Children suggests, but they can also sabotage the trust required in a healthy family dynamic.
The behaviors healthy parents intentionally practice and encourage their kids to engage with — like healthy arguments, open conversations, or emotional expression — are the ones that build trust and encourage kids to learn about the importance of embracing it.
However, many low-quality parents often swap out those healthy behaviors for things like the silent treatment, guilt-tripping, or avoidance, which can encourage kids to constantly live in "fight-or-flight," unable to trust people simply because of their status or authority.
While it might seem subtle growing up or even for parents amid the chaos of their responsibilities, building, nurturing, and practicing trust is essential — not just within the family dynamic, but for children's relationships and power dynamics later in life.
7. Your parents relied on you for emotional support
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According to Brooke Keels, PhD, the Chief Clinical Officer at Lighthouse Recovery, emotionally immature parents often lack self-awareness and the emotional intelligence required to healthily regulate and cope with their own emotions.
Of course, this doesn't make them bad people — they often still love, care for, and appreciate their children — but it does encourage them to lean on their kids for emotional support in ways that can spark anxiety, low self-esteem, and people-pleasing tendencies in them from an early age.
Instead of providing a safe space for their children to communicate their needs, discuss their feelings, and emotionally express themselves, low-quality parents relied on their kids to self-soothe.
When their child made a mistake or "triggered" them in some way, they often weaponized their complex emotions and reactions to spark guilt in their kids, encouraging them to take the blame and apologize, while healthier parents might have framed the circumstance as a teaching moment or open conversation.
8. You're overly sensitive to other people's emotions now
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One of the subtle and rare signs you were raised by a low-quality parent, according to psychology experts like Dr. Heather Stevenson, a therapist, is feeling overly sensitive toward other people's emotions and energy in adulthood. Considering you were forced to soothe your parents outbursts or people-please to avoid conflict at home, it's not surprising that you're still mindlessly operating in the same way in adult relationships.
"If you were raised by an emotionally immature parent you might be someone who feels things very deeply and pays a lot of attention to emotions," Stevenson suggests. "You might be highly perceptive to the emotional state of others, as well as your own unmet emotional needs."
9. They give advice, but not encouragement
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Especially in situations where a child is simply hoping to vent their frustrations or feel supported by their parents, being met with advice and "solution-oriented" thinking can have serious consequences. While it's often well-intentioned, unsolicited advice urges people to feel dismissed and invalidated.
In young, impressionable children who are consistently met with advice from parents, rather than encouragement, they're often hoisted into a mindset where they feel the need to "solve" their emotional dilemmas and anxieties, rather than acknowledge and make space for them.
Into adulthood, this can lead to a lot of emotional turmoil, anxiety, and fear for children who grew up with low-quality parents. They not only feel consistently unsupported by their parents, they're more likely to suppress and avoid uncomfortable emotions they can't immediately "solve."
10. They ignored your questions
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Children who experience curiosity and feel supported in seeking out wonder often develop healthier relationships, do better in school, and end up being more intelligent than their counterparts condemned to rigid expectations and standards, according to a study from Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences.
Of course, curiosity is linked to intelligence in adulthood, but feeling empowered to ask questions, seek out new experiences, and pursue curiosities is something children learn from a young age — at the hands of parents who make the choice to support them.
Not answering your questions or celebrating your curiosity are some of the rare signs you were raised by a low-quality parent. Not only were you condemned for asking these questions, you may have also been held to rigid expectations of success and social norms outside the lens of creativity, curiosity, and genuine self-expression, sparking low self-esteem and anxiety from an early age.
11. They expected blind obedience
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Teaching kids about fundamental relationship principles like respect, trust, and responsibility starts with modeling healthy behaviors like opening up vulnerable conversations, respecting other people's boundaries, and using respectful language even in the heat of an argument.
Many low-quality parents subconsciously sabotage those principles in their children by being more concerned with blind obedience and transactional reward systems to get what they want.
According to experts from the University of Virginia, people who grow up with controlling parents — who expect blind obedience and misguided power dynamics — often develop long-term emotional struggles like anxiety and depression as a result.
While it might seem unsuspecting or even "normal" to kids who don't know any better, acknowledging this need for control as one of the rare signs you were raised by a low-quality parent can give you the tools to heal, move forward, and unlearn the toxic and misguided truths your parents perpetuated at home.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.