5 Rare Qualities That Make A Parent Totally Unforgettable To Their Kids, According To Psychology
It’s not about being a perfect parent — it’s about showing up in powerful, unexpected ways.
kate_sept2004 | Canva While some high-powered couples do need to think deliberately about which parent will lead on a long-term basis, most two-parent working households are muddling through some variation of partnership. Parenting isn’t easy. It requires constant communication, keeping track of who is doing what, and praying that the next field trip form or snack duty doesn’t fall through the cracks.
My husband and I are by no means experts. We’re only four years into this parenting and working at the same time thing. But we are starting to figure ourselves out, bit by bit.
We both have careers that are meaningful and provide us with a sense of purpose and value. And we both are committed to ensuring our children grow up safe, secure, and attached. That means we have more to negotiate, and can’t rely on traditional gender roles to help us out.
Here are the rare qualities that make a parent unforgettable to their kids:
1. You each leverage your parenting strengths
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This isn’t about dividing things along gender lines. It’s about leveraging the strengths of your partnership. I’m a morning person; he’s a night owl. I’m great at organizing things and love to cook, so I do meal planning and preparation.
He’s a technophile and musician, so he makes sure music can stream into every room in the house and that my iPhone isn’t about to crash and burn.
If I judged our partnership every morning at 6 am, I would be doing far more than him. But later in the evening, I’m chilling on the couch with a glass of wine while he’s cleaning up the kitchen. Equality balances over time, not from moment to moment.
2. You prioritize things that feed your soul
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My soul needs to write and exercise 3-4 times/week to be grounded. My husband needs to make music in his studio and find time to mountain bike in the woods.
We juggle other things to make all of this happen. When we do, we are much more capable of rolling with the inevitable punches of life. When mama’s happy, everyone’s happy — a phrase that goes for dads too.
Parents prioritizing activities that nourish their well-being is crucial for their ability to parent effectively and for the overall well-being of their children. A 2021 study cautioned that neglecting self-care can lead to burnout, depression, and strained family relationships.
3. You give each other breaks
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This is called called: Be a little bit divorced. Each week, I get a night out without kid responsibility and so does my husband. On the other nights (except for date night), we split pick-up duty and evening routines.
Knowing that I have one night a week that I can work late, go to the gym, and meet up with a friend in heaven. And my husband feels the same way. We each get to hold on to a bit of our pre-kid independence, so we don’t miss it as much. It also allows each of us to develop our strengths as parents, and have extra bonding time with our kids.
Parenting is inherently demanding, and taking breaks can help prevent burnout and reduce stress levels in parents, leading to improved mental and emotional well-being. Research from The American Psychological Association explained that when parents can take time for themselves, they return to their families feeling more refreshed and capable, which can improve the quality of their interactions with their children and partners.
4. You don’t micromanage
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If your partner is cooking dinner, prepping lunches, or loading the dishwasher, don’t make it your problem too. Will the result of doing it “wrong” be worse than the fight you’ll start by criticizing your partner’s contribution? I’m guessing not.
Too many women complain about their husband’s way of dressing, caring for, or feeding the kids. Just let it alone and be grateful you have a partner who is chipping in — even if they are putting the plates on the wrong rack or picking an outfit that makes the fashion diva in you cringe.
Micromanaging parenting can negatively impact children's development and well-being, hindering their ability to develop independence, self-confidence, and problem-solving skills. A 2022 study recommended encouraging children to make mistakes and learn from them rather than constantly trying to prevent them.
5. You make positive core memories
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I didn’t get this until August when our little family spent a week on the beach. My husband and I were both dreading a week in a two-bedroom condo with an active four-year-old and 18-month-old, but it turned out to be a truly soul-filling week.
There were tantrums, stalling, and not nearly enough naps, but these all paled in comparison to watching them get sandy and salty next to the ocean. When our hectic back-to-school season started, these memories sustained me during tearful goodbyes and other rough transitions.
Positive childhood memories, particularly those involving parents, can buffer the negative effects of adverse childhood experiences. Research indicates a link between happy childhood memories and better health outcomes, including less depression and fewer chronic illnesses in adulthood.
Parenting and partnering are both marathon journeys. We figure things out along the way.
We never reach perfection. But when we hone in on our core values and priorities, we can troubleshoot whatever challenges come our way. And I’m really glad I picked someone to spend my life with who shares my desire to redefine parenting and partnering in ways that allow us both to work, grow, and thrive.
Sarah Beaulieu is a writer, editor, poet, and former contributor to The Good Men Project.
