14 Phrases People Use With New Parents When They Have No Empathy
When you're a new parent, everyone has an opinion about you.
Getty Images | Unsplash New parents often express annoyance at hearing phrases that minimize their experiences, question their parenting abilities, or put undue pressure on them to be perfect. A 2022 study from Antioch University concluded this is particularly true when they are already feeling overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, or dealing with the significant life changes of new motherhood.
On behalf of all new parents, especially young moms like me who have to endure assumptions, stereotypes, and personal questions, here are some phrases I'm so sick of hearing people with no empathy say to me.
Here are phrases people use with new parents with they have no empathy:
1."You're pregnant!?" Was it planned?"
What an invasive question to ask anyone, and more importantly, why does it matter? Whatever the answer is, you'll still judge me.
2."You're a mom?!"
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Then they'll act so surprised and say something like, "Oh my gosh, I could never be a mom right now! I'm way too irresponsible. Aren't you sad you can't party? Or have a life? Oh, my gosh!"
3."Oh, you're Catholic/Mormon/Mexican/Southern? No wonder you're a young mom!"
What a disturbing prejudice to have, and then say out loud to someone.
4."Ha. Babies having babies ..."
Do you think I'm a child and not an adult woman?
5."I'm so sorry. You could've done big things with your life."
Life doesn't end at motherhood, just so you know.
6. "If my tax-payer money is going to pay for that baby, I'll have an opinion about it."
(I see this gem in internet comment sections all the time.)
7."Is that your husband? I mean boyfriend ... I mean baby daddy ... I mean ..."
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He's a person I'm having a child with, that's all you need to know about him.
8."Are your parents here to help you?"
I have my own house, a husband, and a career. I don't need to rely on anyone.
9. "So? Where's your ring? When's the big day?"
Believe it or not, you don't have to be married to have children anymore.
10. "Are you the nanny?"
No, these are my children, I'm not a teenager on a summer job.
11. "Well, at least you're still pretty."
Telling anyone what you think about their looks is never a good idea.
12. "Do your kids have the same father?"
These children are loved and have two parents, that's all you need to know.
13. "Ugh, I could never have a kid yet. I don't want to ruin my life."
My life doesn't end because I have kids, it just looks different now.
14. "You look way too young to have a baby!"
And you look way too old to be telling someone that!
Michelle Horton is a writer and advocate. Through the Nicole Addimando Community Defense Committee, she speaks out for her sister and the countless other victims of domestic violence criminalized for their acts of survival. She's the author of Dear Sister: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds.