People Who Actually Cherish Their Parents As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons
What's the key to maintaining a healthy relationship with your parents into adulthood?
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock There’s no such thing as a “perfect” parent, but there are certain traits and behaviors that are certainly admirable amongst a sea of new parenting styles and techniques. For example, leading with empathy, being an active listener, and focusing on mutual respect are a few key characteristics of a great parent. People who genuinely cherish their parents as they age typically have these reasons, alongside many more, which ensure they feel both empowered and supported, even as they craft their own independent lives.
While these behaviors in a child’s adult routine are important to maintain a consistent relationship, the true nature of a healthy family dynamic stems from childhood, according to a 2009 study. Children whose needs were met and whose boundaries were consistently respected learned to trust their parents, confide in them for help, and commit to the healthy routines their parents cultivated, helping to form a stable foundation for their relationship in adulthood.
People who actually cherish their parents as they get older usually have these 11 reasons:
1. They feel heard by their parents
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A study published in the Social Neuroscience journal argues that the practice of active listening is an inherently emotional experience — one that often causes both the speaker and the listener to feel more engaged and bonded when they recognize active listening cues, such as thoughtful questions, in their interactions.
People who genuinely cherish their parents as they age often have these reasons — they feel intentionally heard by their parents in a profoundly meaningful way, which bonds them and cultivates a safe space for emotional expression, adversity, and vulnerability.
Of course, active listening goes far beyond simply listening more than speaking; it’s also about body language, nonverbal cues, questions, and even facial expressions, which is why it often takes a great deal of practice to perfect. Great parents have experience, thought, and generally actively listen, honing in on the practice for decades of raising their children while leading with understanding and empathy.
2. They feel supported, rather than judged
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According to the UCLA Center for the Developing Adolescent, adult children’s self-esteem and autonomy stem from a secure, supportive, and respectful relationship with their parents. From modeled behavior growing up to adult interactions later in life, this parent-child relationship holds significant power in shaping adult children’s day-to-day lives, well-being, and relationships.
Feeling secure and supported, rather than unfairly judged or criticized, is one of the reasons people continue to cherish their parents later in life — they feel safe to speak about their struggles, ask for advice, and vent about their qualms without feeling dismissed by unsolicited advice or targeted by judgment.
3. Their adult autonomy is respected
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While there are often different perceptions of autonomy between parents and their children as they enter adulthood, according to a study in the Journal of Adolescent Research, at some point, parents must relinquish an aspect of control over their children’s lives and let them make their own independent decisions.
People who cherish their parents as they age often have these reasons — they feel respected and supported for making autonomous decisions, their sense of adulthood and independence is strengthened, and their parents make an effort to listen to them, rather than critique or judge.
4. Their parents wait to offer advice until they’re asked
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According to a 2020 study on parental advice, giving advice to adult children isn’t a matter of “the more the better” — especially when it’s unprompted. Often, adult children express their struggles and discuss their lives with their parents to seek support and a listening ear, rather than a barrage of “solution-oriented” advice that dismisses the emotions they’re currently experiencing.
Of course, our parents often have a great deal of wisdom and experience to share, but adult children want to feel respected and heard in casual conversations, so they will ask for advice when they are ready to receive it. Not constantly giving their opinion on “solving” their kids’ problems later in life is one of the reasons certain people cherish their parents as they get older.
5. There’s not a strong power dynamic
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Despite growing up in their home and being raised by them, adult children who genuinely cherish their parents as they age usually do not foster a power dynamic or hierarchy in their relationship later in life.
Of course, it’s never truly healthy to adopt any “power” dynamic, even when children are kids. Still, in adulthood, it can be easy for insecure parents or anxious kids to latch onto a stable power dynamic as a misguided sense of control. By focusing on mutual respect, trust, and open communication, neither parents nor their adult children feel obligated, entitled, or controlled into doing things they don’t want to or sabotaging their well-being for the sake of their family members.
6. They feel empowered to live their own personal lives
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According to counselor Dr. Rachel Glik, poor boundaries are one of the most common points of tension in the parent-child relationship later in life, largely because adult children don’t feel respected or appreciated in their adult identity — more specifically, in their autonomous and independent one — when they’re constantly mitigating conflict and frustrations with their parents.
Whether it’s interfering too much in their personal life, stopping by unannounced, or even offering up advice when their child is simply looking for support, overstepping boundaries is one of the common ways families grow disconnected later in life.
However, for people who genuinely cherish their parents as they age, there is a balance of mutual respect, open communication, and trust between the two that allows them to both set and uphold their boundaries without much contention. Adult children can live their adult lives and protect their autonomy, and healthy parents can appreciate, empower, and celebrate them as they do so, while also living their own lives.
7. They still spend quality time together
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Even once they’ve moved out, started their own lives, and even had their own families, in some cases, adult children still want to feel occasionally prioritized and cared for by their parents, especially as they grow older and cherish the relationship. Families who continue to make space for quality time in adulthood tend to maintain a healthier, more secure dynamic, balancing independence and bonding time for adult children.
According to psychotherapist Sharon Martin, the best way to fend off over-dependency and entitlement between adult children and parents is to use quality time in a healthy way. Everyone should have their passions, interests, and lives, but the routine of coming together occasionally should be a priority.
8. Their parents are warm and affectionate
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Of course, according to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, parental warmth is one of the most important predictors of childhood well-being and happiness early in life, and it is also fundamental for fostering a secure relationship later in life. For adult children, having a safe and secure place to come home to with their parents is key to navigating the adversities of early adulthood. However, without warmth, acceptance, and affection, they are unlikely to find that kind of security at home.
People who cherish their parents as they age typically have a warm and inviting parental relationship to rely on when things get tough. They enjoy quality time and healthy conversations, of course, but adversity is when this relationship can “make or break” a family dynamic.
9. They can talk about childhood adversity openly
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Considering many younger generations of Gen Z and millennial adults today are recognizing the links between childhood experiences and adult struggles, from internet accessibility, evolving research, or social media, it’s not surprising that there’s an uptick in tensions around conversations about childhood trauma.
Some parents feel attacked or judged by these conversations, even if their kids are seeking apologies, support, or solace from their parents. However, people who genuinely cherish their parents as they age usually feel safe enough to share their thoughts.
Great parents can listen to and support their kids, even when they don’t necessarily agree with their recollections of events or their claims. They can help their kids manage their emotions without offending, even in conversations about childhood trauma or grief.
Even for differing perspectives and opinions in general, especially in the current state of the world, people who genuinely cherish their parents as they age know they can discuss them as a family. Even when they don’t agree or have wildly different opinions, they find a way to have healthy, empathetic, and open conversations. If that means occasionally avoiding topics they know spark conflict, that’s what they do.
10. They respect each other
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Mutual respect is the foundation for any healthy relationship, which is why it’s not entirely surprising that it’s also one of the reasons people continue to cherish their parents into adulthood when they feel respected, from their personal identities to their casual boundaries.
Parents who lead with empathy and trust their kids make the time to learn, understand, and respect their adult children’s boundaries and vice versa. They know that without a basic foundation of respect, there is no room for growth, understanding, or effective communication.
11. They understand their parents on a deeper level
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According to psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, part of the reason many adult children and parents grow resentful of each other later in life is that they lack a fundamental understanding of their relationship, struggle to lead with empathy, forgive each other, and communicate openly.
However, people who cherish their parents as they age usually understand them on a deeper level, grasping their history, struggles, personal goals, and even personalities to the point where their interactions are tailored to create a safe space.
It’s the same kind of mutual respect, understanding, and empathy that fuels any great and healthy relationship, but this one is for a lifetime, carefully crafted and nurtured over decades of time together.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
