Parents Who Raise Kids With Strong Self-Discipline Constantly Ask Themselves These 3 Questions, Says A Parenting Expert
Parents are their children's first teachers in being able to control their emotions in a healthy manner.
Rido | Shutterstock Parenting is one of the only jobs that doesn't come with a handbook or guide. However, a parenting expert named Kirk Martin explained that when it comes to being a good parent, it's often more about how you behave rather than instructing the kids. In fact, one of the most valuable pieces of advice he gives parents when it comes to disciplining their children is making sure they're able to control their own behavior.
Martin pointed out that the best discipline is "self-discipline," and there are three important questions that he encourages parents to ask themselves before disciplining their children.
Here are 3 questions parents who raise kids with strong self-discipline constantly ask themselves:
1. Am I modeling it?
Parents are their children's first role models, and with many other things, like behavioral traits, values, morals, and beliefs, a lot of that is influenced by how mom and dad behave. The same can be said for teaching self-discipline. How are parents able to teach it if they themselves don't have it?
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"There's no blame or no guilt," Martin explained. "But if you can't control yourself, if you're always reacting or yelling, then how are your kids supposed to control themselves?"
Children can learn self-discipline while being raised in a calm and patient environment where they're allowed to express their emotions without fear of repercussions. Parents can get this message across by expressing their emotions in a way that their children can model and mimic.
2. Am I showing them a different way?
Children often act out or struggle with self-discipline because they haven't been taught any other way to handle their emotions. Instead of punishing, parents should take the time to teach them a better way to respond. Discipline isn't just about consequences, it's about teaching.
If parents aren't showing their kids a different way, then their kids will continue to follow the same patterns. Martin likened it to working a job, whether you're an accountant or a mechanic. If you're struggling, a good boss doesn't just come in and fire you. They guide you to improve and succeed.
3. Am I building a closer, more trusting relationship with my child?
Martin explained that this doesn't mean just being "friends" with your child, but rather getting to know them outside of that parent-child bond. Being interested in what they want to do, fueling their passions, and supporting their endeavors.
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It's through this support that parents can build a healthier and stronger bond with their children instead of simply relying on their authority. Parenting expert, Kara Carrero, wrote, "While your job is to teach respect, it’s also to show respect. This means you need to show your child respect that is due to them at all times, while still being the parent in charge. When a child grows up respected, they are more apt to confide in and trust their parents."
"Good discipline, even tough discipline, will lead your kids to trust you because they can trust what you say," Martin said. At the end of the day, your child is looking to you to provide them with the tools and resources they need to navigate the world as they grow up with confidence and discipline.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.