Your Parents Did A Great Job Raising You If You Were Taught These 3 Compassionate Life Lessons
The best way to know if someone did a great job raising their kids is to observe how they enage as adults.
Kaboompics.com | Canva Before I was a life coach in private practice, I had the chance to work with teen girls as a school counselor. I was privileged to have them share with me their struggles with bullying, feelings of low self-esteem, and the daily challenges most parents are either unaware of or feel powerless to do anything about.
I've seen teen girls be plain mean to one another, but what I found the hardest to witness were the messages they received from adults, whether it was the teachers or the parents, who drummed up how "all kids get bullied," or "kids are mean". These are damaging messages, so how can a parent raise a compassionate kid so they don't bully others?
Parents model what it means to be compassionate through their daily actions, and if you were taught these lessons along the way, your parents should be applauded.
Your parents did a great job raising you if you were taught these compassionate life lessons:
1. Have empathy for others
The first and most important thing to know is that kids learn to behave by what they observe. Bullies often treat their victims in a way that they were treated themselves. If a child is a bully, there's a good chance that they've been bullied themselves at some point – often by their parents or siblings.
The best way to prevent bullying is to show them empathy. When parents, teachers, and friends are empathetic to a child’s feelings and needs, the child, in turn, learns to be empathic to others. When children learn to look beyond themselves and feel what someone else might be feeling, they are less likely to bully that other person.
"Teach your kids that conflict is inevitable and anger is normal," advised personal development coach Jan Bowen. "We all experience it. Learning to deal with uncomfortable feelings constructively is what's important. Children are inherently creative and imaginative, so make a game to help them understand and manage their emotions healthily."
2. Consider other people's feelings
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Your own feelings — and other people's, too. All too often as a culture, we treat bullying as a normal part of growing up. Our kids get the message that this painful experience is a normal part of life; and that their self-worth isn't important. Don't brush your child's feelings under the rug.
If you're a parent, teacher, or another role model, call bullying out for what it is: relationship violence. Acknowledge your child's feelings. It's normal to feel sad when someone has bullied them. Avoid telling them they will grow out of it or that it's a normal part of life, this way you can prevent them from suppressing their legitimate feelings.
Psychologist Alicia H. Clark advised, "It's possible to calm anxiety and anger even when your physiological threat response is activated. Two of the easiest strategies to implement at the moment you need to calm down quickly are drawing your attention to the here and now, and breathing."
3. Be the kind of friend you'd like to have
Even one good friend is enough to help, and even save, your child. Ask your child which of their friends always supports and cares for them. Ask them, “Who is someone who you know has your back?”
If your child struggles with this and is isolated at school, encourage them to try out activities in the community and build social connections there.
"The most important thing is to keep communication flowing between you and your child without taking an authoritarian approach," suggested parenting coach Carolyn Maguire, "Raising teens isn’t easy. Even the healthiest parents struggle from time to time. But when your child is struggling to make or keep friendships, it’s important to support your child with kindness, skills, and direction. And of course love."
When dealing with bullying, reminding kids about their support system and the love that you have for them is key. Once you develop a base value system for your child, you can work together with their teachers and role models to fight off bullying for good.
Samin Razzaghi is an ICF-accredited Life Coach with over 10 years of experience facilitating personal and social change.