Your Parents Did A Good Job Raising You If You Have These 11 Things In Your Life As An Adult
As we become adults, we call back the lessons we learned from our parents.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock It's never easy for parents to know if they're good parents. There's no guidebook, and what works for one family doesn't always work for another. Parents who lead with love and unconditional support give their kids a true gift. Love and support sustains us, letting us discover who we are and what we value. We carry those foundational beliefs deep within.
Building a nourished, authentic life means paying attention to the little things. You might take 10 minutes every morning to watch the birds through your kitchen window while you drink coffee. You might end your workday by listening to your favorite song and moving your body in whatever way feels good to you. The everyday joys are what matter most, and if you have these things in your life as an adult, your parents did a good job raising you.
Your parents did a good job raising you if you have these 11 things in your life as an adult
1. A commitment to learning
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Your parents did a good job raising you if you're committed to learning, even after you're out of school. Your shelves are full of books and you think the library is the perfect place to spend a Sunday afternoon. You're always seeking out new subjects to learn about.
Not only does reading improve creativity, as a study from the Creativity Research Journal found, but research indicates it increases empathy and enhances brain function and connectivity. As such, you explore stories with characters who reflect your experience and emotions, and ones whose lives look nothing like your own.
You know that reading is magical. It casts a spell, bringing you closer to your true self, letting you see the world in a new light, every time you reach the last page.
Additionally, you devour documentaries about far-away places and binge-watch any series you can find that will expand your horizons. You learn about cooking, Arctic wildlife, and outer space.
You believe education is a lifelong journey. You channel your endless curiosity into the world around you and the world within yourself. You're reflective about the way you enter the world. You're not scared to dig deep and ask yourself difficult questions. Every new idea helps you explore your life and grow into your fullest self.
2. A balanced sense of ambition
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You set long-term goals for yourself, but you also set clearly-defined boundaries, and you know how to enforce them. You have a strong work ethic, yet you still strive for balance by honoring your needs. You take a walk in between meetings, you give yourself permission to take an actual lunch break.
You believe success and self-care are equally important and you refuse to sacrifice your physical and mental health for your job. Your life's work is aligned with your moral compass, but you have interests outside of work that make you feel fulfilled. You know that you're the only one who can define what success really means to you.
Executive coach Ron Carucci outlined a framework for healthy ambition in the Harvard Business Review, dividing ambition into three interconnected dimensions: performance, growth, and achievement. To be ambitious on a performance level, you have to question what your larger goals are, both for yourself and the organization you work for. Growth ambition leads you toward self-improvement, and achievement ambition is your ability to bring it all together to get the results you want.
"Well-balanced ambition leads to creativity and innovation, greater levels of performance, and deeper levels of joy and satisfaction at work, wherever 'work' may be," Carucci explained.
3. The ability to laugh at yourself
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While laughing at yourself in a self-deprecating way is rooted in a sense of self-loathing, laughing at yourself from a place of self-compassion stems from your innate sense of self-worth. Your parents raised you to see the funny side of yourself, which helps you accept your quirks instead of trying to erase them.
Motivational speaker Dr. Magie Cook revealed that laughing at yourself enhances your emotional resilience.
"Being able to laugh at ourselves is incredibly helpful for moving on from mistakes, and [reassuring] ourselves of our ability to succeed the next time," she explained. "Laughter at our expense teaches us not to take ourselves too seriously, preserve our emotional well-being, and to bounce back from setbacks with grace."
Having a healthy sense of humor helps people get through the harder parts of life. Laughing at the little things during difficult moments is a resource for healing.
"Laughter is a thread that can weave joy, enhance well-being, foster connection, and build resilience. By extending this laughter to ourselves, we unlock a profound wellspring of acceptance and positivity," Dr. Cook concluded.
4. Emotional independence
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If you have a strong sense of emotional independence as an adult, your parents did a good job raising you. Therapist Eric Johnson defined emotional independence as "the ability to regulate one's own emotions without requiring another person's actions or words."
Being emotionally independent means you own your feelings, without holding other people responsible for your emotional well-being. You understand that your mood is yours to manage. You know you can't control how anyone else feels. You accept that all you can actually control are your own emotional reactions.
Your parents made your childhood home a soft place for you to land. They cultivated an emotionally secure environment, so you could learn to name and feel your feelings. They gave you the skills to self-regulate, which is how you stay centered as an adult.
5. Passion projects
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Growing up, your parents taught you to place a premium on finding your own joy, every single day, and it's something you do now as an adult. Life will never be a cakewalk, but you can take part in activities that nourish your soul and keep you connected to the things you really care about.
You might spend weekends volunteering at the animal shelter or finding new hiking trails. It doesn't matter if your passion is making pottery at a local studio or doing paint-by-numbers in your living room. What matters most is that you know what brings you joy, and you actively pursue those things.
6. Lasting friendships
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Society tends to prioritize romantic relationships above every other kind of human connection, yet as the American Psychological Association reported, having healthy, stable friendships is a key part of our longevity and sense of well-being.
Psychologist Marisa G. Franco revealed that there's a positive benefit to blurring the lines between platonic love and romantic love. "When we view behaviors that create intimacy — being vulnerable, buying gifts, taking someone out on a date — as only appropriate for a romantic relationship, we end up limiting the potential of our friendships," she explained.
Because your parents did a good job of raising you, you treat friendships like the treasures they are. You remember the day you met, how you grew closer, and you celebrate your friendship anniversary every year. You let the full light of your love shine in those relationships, and your life is so much better for it.
7. A well-stocked kitchen
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You know that food does more than nourish your body, it also nourishes your soul. You keep your pantry full, so that you can make simple, satisfying meals. You have a steady supply of crushed tomatoes and cloves of garlic, so you can make spaghetti sauce with your mother's recipe whenever you crave something warm and comforting.
You understand the value of sharing a meal with loved ones because your parents made sure to have family dinner at least once a week. In fact, according to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, sharing family meals creates less stress at home, encourages better relationships, and even improves school grades.
And now that you're an adult, you carry that tradition forward, with your own kids or your chosen family.
8. An appreciation for nature
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Your parents taught you to take care of the planet and find awe and wonder in all the beauty it holds. You notice how snails come out after a rainstorm. You pause when you're running errands, just to feel the sunlight stream over you.
Whether you're a cliffdiver or a rock climber or just someone who likes to wander through your neighborhood and admire people's gardens, you see the outside world as a place to nurture, knowing that it also nurtures you.
9. Patience
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Your parents did a good job raising you if you can cultivate patience, both for yourself and for others. You award people time and understanding, and you know how to keep your frustration in check.
You know that everyone is on their own journey, and there's no set pace you need to follow. You have the patience to let your life unfold on its own terms. You don't expect immediate perfection or mastery from yourself or anyone else.
Your patience keeps you centered in a chaotic world. You speak to yourself with kindness. When you stumble on life's inevitable roadblocks, you treat yourself gently, because you know you're doing your best.
10. Intrinsic motivation
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According to well-being expert Tchiki Davis, PhD, intrinsic motivation is "the desire to accomplish something 'just because' rather than for external rewards like money or prestige."
You do want to do right by yourself, and you understand that what's right for you might not be right for someone else. You don't expect accolades or awards, yet you still try your hardest and show up as your most authentic self, because you want to.
Your intrinsic motivation is a driving force, but that doesn't mean you put undue pressure on yourself to reach impossible standards. You keep your goals bite-sized, and you know you'll reach your dreams according to your own unique timeline.
11. Alone time
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You understand the true meaning of work-life balance because your parents made sure to model it when you were young. You have a full calendar that enriches your soul, but you also give yourself time to do nothing at all. You're not scared of solitude because you know that sitting with yourself is how you learn more about who you really are.
You can be alone without mindlessly scrolling social media or spiraling out with existential panic. You truly enjoy your own company, which shows that your parents raised you to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself and feel complete on your own terms.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.