10 Parenting Behaviors That Turn Sweet Little Boys Into Lonely Men
Lonely adult men are often conditioned to hide their emotions from a young age.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock Loneliness has become a surging epidemic in the United States, with up to 15% of American men claiming to be lonely, a 12% increase from 1990, per the American Survey Center. The root cause of loneliness could be caused by a variety of factors, including a lack of social connections or mental health issues that could make one feel isolated.
However, the root causes of loneliness can also be traced back to early childhood experiences and the way parents engage with their children. Even though they may have the best intentions, there are certain parenting behaviors that turn sweet little boys into lonely men. Parents may unintentionally lay the groundwork for future loneliness due to specific behaviors or attitudes they don't even realize are hindering their son's growth.
Here are 10 parenting behaviors that turn sweet little boys into lonely men
1. Suppressing emotions
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Some men often grew up being told not to cry, since it could be associated with weakness and femininity. When boys hear this from their parents, they often learn to suppress any vulnerable emotions.
"This might seem like no big deal in the short term, but research shows that suppressed emotions are incredibly harmful to our health," life coach Michelle Grosser shared. "When kids (or adults) hold back emotions like fear or sadness, their bodies don't just let it go. Suppressing emotions actually triggers a stress response in the body — raising heart rate, blood pressure, and stress hormones like cortisol."
Most men who experience these issues don't even attribute it to their emotional suppression. Instead, they continue to suffer in silence as they grapple with them, isolating them from their peers, unaware that it's one of the parenting behaviors that turn sweet little boys into lonely men.
2. Being overprotective
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While your job as a parent is certainly to keep your child safe, some parents tend to go over the top, isolating their children from everyone and everything. They shield their young sons from challenging circumstances and the social situations that will help them grow into balanced and independent adults. By being overprotective, they are molding their sons into lonely adults with low self-esteem.
"The underlying message that overprotectiveness transfers to children, is that they are not really capable, competent or good enough in order to manage life by themselves," said psychologist Joanna Pantazi.
"By constantly being monitored and protected, children do not have the opportunity to prove to themselves that they can accomplish great deeds by themselves. Research also confirms that overprotective parenting is associated with low self-efficacy later on."
Growing up, little boys need to experience the world without their parents' constant supervision to get a taste on how to handle themselves. When they cannot, it can lead to a very lonely existence.
3. Lacking emotional support
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When children are upset and confused, they often turn to their parents for support. When their parents give them the cold shoulder, they never learn how to regulate these emotions and seek out help from their peers or partners as adults. Unfortunately, giving no emotional support is one of the parenting behaviors that turn sweet little boys into lonely men.
This, in turn, can lead to unhealthy and insecure attachment styles with those who were given the emotional support they needed as children. It can be difficult for them to maintain these relationships as adults, leading them into further isolation and loneliness.
According to licensed psychologist Timothy J. Legg, "People who are emotionally neglected as children grow up to be adults who must deal with the consequences. Because their emotional needs weren't validated as children, they may not know how to deal with their emotions when they occur."
4. Emphasizing achievements over connection
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While your son's academic success, sports, and other external achievements deserve to be celebrated, it should not be the sole focus of parents. Some parents may overschedule their child in an effort to make them stand out from their peers, putting more emphasis on "winning" than making long-lasting connections with friends, family, and teachers.
Failing to teach them about all of the other important aspects in life, such as friendships, emotional intelligence and empathy, can make them feel disconnected from others. These little boys may turn into men who value success over social connections, which can lead to a sense of isolation, especially when their peers value social connections over success.
5. Invalidating feelings
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When parents invalidate or dismiss their son's emotions, they are building an internalized sense of inadequacy. According to licensed psychologist Jonice Webb, PhD, "Parents may view feelings as something you choose to experience or label emotions as 'bad behavior' that must be fixed... Thus, when children have emotions around these unattuned parents, they may learn that their feelings are wrong or bad, causing emotional neglect and emotional harm."
Even if parents believe that their little boys may be acting over the top at times, their feelings are very real to them and are valid. It's a parent's job to help their little ones get through these emotions by telling them that they are there for them and that they have the right to feel any emotion.
When their feelings are invalidated, they may struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy, making them feel alone with nothing but their unregulated emotions to keep them company.
6. Using shame as discipline
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Kids will make mistakes and fail, as it's all a part of growing up. But shaming and punishing them for these normal rites of passages is one of the parenting behaviors that turn sweet little boys into lonely men. It can cause them to have internalized feelings of inadequacy and even a fear of their parents.
While it's normal for self-control to slip from parents' grasp from time to time, and they may raise their voice at their sons, shaming them for making mistakes is not the best approach to make them self-sufficient.
"It's often difficult for parents to know how to address disappointment, especially in cases where older kids 'really should know better,'" revealed psychologist Peggy Drexler, PhD.
"But it's important to remember that while discipline is crucial during all stages of raising a child, discipline is not about getting even, inducing guilt, or even punishing — all of which are forms of shaming a child. Instead, disciplining, at any age, is about correcting and guiding him toward more appropriate behavior."
7. Neglecting the importance of friendships
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Parents play a crucial role in helping their sons understand the importance of friendships, and the impacts that these strong social bonds can have on their emotional, social and mental well-being. According to research from Child Development Perspectives, friendships play a vital role in children's social development, building support systems, and reducing loneliness and isolation into adulthood.
When parents don't encourage genuine friendships, their sons may not develop fulfilling social connections that are necessary for their overall well-being, shaping them into lonely adults. Parents aren't going to be around forever to ensure their sons will manage without them. But urging them to build their social circle will give them the support they need long after their parents are gone.
8. Overloading them with responsibility
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While teaching your sons about basic responsibilities like brushing their teeth and getting themselves dressed are necessary for their overall development, burdening them with loads of responsibilities to handle on their own may hinder their development.
Little boys need time for playing, exploration, and unstructured activities to develop their emotional and cognitive skills. Overloading them with responsibilities can rob them of these experiences that are designed to aid their development.
Having to constantly worry about these responsibilities may also lead to issues like anxiety and depression, which can make children feel lonely even as they begin to enter adulthood. In fact, a Teen National Health Interview Survey found that 1 in 5 adolescents reported having symptoms of anxiety or depression.
Constant pressure to perform tasks that are far beyond the scope of their abilities can result in burnout, making adult men feel less motivated to go out into the world and exacerbating their loneliness, all due to parenting behaviors that turn sweet little boys into lonely men.
9. Not encouraging vulnerability
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In boys and men, vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness. In reality, it's a powerful tool that allows them to build self-awareness, trust and emotional intelligence. Discouraging vulnerability in little boys harms their potential of growing into emotionally healthy men who are able to express their feelings and connect with others in a meaningful way.
The first relationships boys ever have are with their parents. Rather than shunning them for being human and experiencing vulnerability, it's a parent's job to help their sons understand and navigate through it.
Demonstrating vulnerability will look different in every family. According to child psychologist Angela Karanja, "I have found that accepting, admitting and apologizing for mistakes and being accountable to your family, especially your kids, can enhance relationships."
When boys are encouraged to be open and are given good examples of what being vulnerable looks like, they are more likely to open themselves to others as adults and form more meaningful connections.
10. Enabling emotional detachment
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Parents may unintentionally enable emotional detachment in their sons through behaviors and practices that discourage emotional expression or neglect their emotional needs. They may do this by invalidating their emotions, avoiding conflict or difficult conversations, or fostering a "tough it out" mentality.
Over time, this detachment can lead to difficulty forming meaningful relationships in adulthood since they never learned how to manage their emotions. But it's essential for parents to create an emotionally supportive and healthy environment for their sons to openly express themselves and gain the assurance that when they do, they will have people who support them.
Otherwise, they may resort to a life of seclusion with nothing but their unresolved childhood emotions to keep them company.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.