11 Outdated Parenting Rules That Actually Created More Resilient Kids
A little old-school parenting can go a long way.
ORION PRODUCTION | Shutterstock As generations have continued to evolve and grow, so have certain parenting rules. While many of those so-called old-fashioned rules have been criticized for either being too strict, too rigid, or too harsh, some of them may have actually worked in being able to create more well-rounded, responsible, and respectful adults.
Modern parenting may have its successes, especially when it comes to the outdated parenting rules that actually created more resilient kids. Parents from older generations understood the benefits of these rules, and when parents today follow suit, they can also build healthier and more open relationships with their kids.
Here are 11 outdated parenting rules that actually created more resilient kids
1. Play outside until dinner
FamVeld | Shutterstock
Instead of putting kids in front of a tablet or television to occupy their time, children were once encouraged, and sometimes forced, to play outside until the streetlights came on. It was all about outdoor activities, like riding bikes, enjoying time on the playground, and playing with the other kids in the neighborhood.
Nowadays, there has been a decrease in kids playing outside. In fact, there was a 25% drop in children having unstructured playtime between 1981 and 1997. This rule of having to play outside helped kids develop a strong sense of independence because they were away from their parents and had to take care of themselves for the amount of hours that they were rolling around and having fun with their friends.
Kids today seem to spend a majority of their time inside or glued to technology, but having them play outside is one of outdated parenting rules that actually created more resilient kids in the end.
2. Do chores from a young age
Evgeny Atamanenko | Shutterstock
In past generations, chores were non-negotiable and were expected to be done before a child was able to do anything else. Not only that, but parents had little tolerance for kids trying to do their chores as the last thing before going to bed, and instead, kids were told to complete their chores by a certain time of day.
By giving them this responsibility, children were able to grow up with an understanding of discipline and hard work. "Chores can and should start early. Begun in preschool years, sharing in the work of home chores becomes a lifelong habit and normalizes teamwork in maintaining a home," explained assistant professor of clinical pediatrics Shelly Vaziri Flais MD, FAAP.
"Boys and girls who help with daily tasks get a boost in self-esteem, take pride in a job well done, and grow into young men and women who are equal stakeholders in the unpaid labor of running a home, promoting gender equity," she concluded.
3. You break it, you fix it
fizkes | Shutterstock
Parents were once adamant about teaching their children the necessity of taking accountability. If they were playing around with something and it broke, it was up to them to either fix it or find a way to replace it. Kids were encouraged to fix problems on their own without involving the help of their parents, especially if they were the cause of the ruin.
According to psychologist Cindy Graham, "I believe the primary way parents can teach their kids accountability every day is to model these behaviors. Children are likely to repeat what they see others doing, so it is important for caregivers to be aware of the lessons kids are learning from them."
Children being able to learn the importance of accountability from a young age meant that they ended up becoming more resilient as they grew up. And it's a lesson that parents today can learn from.
4. Not everyone is going to get a trophy
Dasha Petrenko | Shutterstock
In life, there are moments when you might not receive a trophy or medal to signify your hard work. When children are able to learn this lesson from a young age, they're able to develop a stronger work ethic and understanding that winning doesn't have to be everything and also doesn't equate success.
"There is much more than winning that makes competition an important socializing experience: Children should learn from competition the importance of teamwork and cooperation, of commitment to others and respect for our opponents, and, especially, learning to play by the rules," insisted psychologist Kenneth Barish, PhD.
Barish continued, "Although they may sometimes seem arbitrary to children, rules are there for a reason. We need to demonstrate these reasons to our children. If winning is everything, children will cheat."
Barish highlighted the importance of teaching kids that winning isn't everything. Though it may be rare nowadays, it's one of the outdated parenting rules that actually created more resilient kids.
5. Handle your own problems
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
In past generations, kids were often told to figure things out on their own instead of immediately going to their parents for a solution. There was rarely ever any hand-holding or coddling as we may see in today's generation of parenting, and because kids were given space to handle and work through their own situations and obstacles, they were able to think critically and find the appropriate solutions.
David Schwartz, licensed marriage and family therapist, explained that when parents let their kids handle their problems, it builds self-esteem and problem-solving skills they wouldn't have if their parents solved everything for them.
"Parents who quickly jump in to take over this responsibility and intervene in all of their child's complaints and disputes are depriving their children of the opportunity to acquire their own abilities. This can lead to teenagers, and even adults, who have not developed competent social skills, and/or the ability to handle their own situations," he concluded.
6. Talk to adults with respect
antoniodiaz | Shutterstock
Being respectful to those older was something that kids were expected to do. Whether it was to other parents, teachers, neighbors, or strangers, kids were told that any adult figure they encountered was to be treated with respect. They were told to address adults with "thank you," "excuse me," and "please," and it wasn't just about obedience, but rather, teaching kids the importance of having respect for others.
"Parents can teach respect by modeling it, clearly correcting all disrespectful behaviors, and creating an intentional family culture of respect," developmental psychologist Thomas Lickona explained. "Children are more likely to respect us if they feel loved and respected."
7. Money doesn't grow on trees
Ground Picture | Shutterstock
For older parents, money was seen as something valuable and not to be taken for granted. Instead of indulging their kids in material items or refusing to be transparent about money, older generations made sure to instill the knowledge that money truly doesn't just grow on trees and can't appear whenever they need it.
Not only were parents once teaching their kids about financial responsibility, but they avoided raising entitled kids who didn't understand that it's through hard work that money can be attainable.
Today, younger generations of parents can learn from the supposed outdated parenting rules that actually created more resilient kids. They can teach their children that money isn't expendable, and instill in them proper skills for financial literacy.
8. Do it right the first time
Yuganov Konstantin | Shutterstock
Parents were once adamant about teaching their kids that it's important to try and do something right the first time, instead of failing and having to try a second, third, or fourth time. Whether they were referring to homework, chores, or responsibilities at a job, kids were taught that cutting corners doesn't get them anywhere in life.
Because kids were being taught about having a strong work ethic and getting what they deserved, they were able to learn the value in being resilient and dedicated. For parents today, they may have the urge to step in and help their child. But as one study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found, parents who are too involved in their child's tasks can stunt their development. As the study determined parental over-engagement "creates fewer opportunities for children to practice self-regulation."
9. Not everyone will like you
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
It can seem cruel to teach kids that there are moments in life when certain people might not like them for whatever reason, but actually, by learning this lesson, kids were able to become more confident and emotionally aware.
Being rejected at any point comes with living and growing. Instead of shying away from it, parents encouraged their kids to embrace rejection as an opportunity for them to learn instead of something that is holding them back. At the end of the day, rejection is just redirection.
10. You're not getting a new one
Yarrrrrbright | Shutterstock
Parents were extremely diligent about making sure their kids knew that if something was lost, misplaced, or broken, they would not be receiving a replacement anytime soon.
One of the supposedly outdated parenting rules that actually created more resilient kids meant teaching children that anything they got, whether it was a gift or something they saved up to buy for themselves, must be treated with care and respect, and it would not be replaced at the first sign of damage, especially if it was their own fault.
By learning this lesson from a very young age, children were able to understand the value of material items and just have a deeper appreciation for the things they owned, whether it was expensive or not.
11. Sometimes life isn't fair
LightField Studios | Shutterstock
One of the most important lessons kids were taught growing up was the reality of life and that sometimes it just isn't fair. Whether it was seeing someone else get a better opportunity than them or losing out on a job they really wanted, parents were reminding their kids that life often throws curveballs at you, and there sometimes isn't anything you can do to prevent it or prepare for it.
By teaching children that life isn't always fair, parents can prepare their children for the realities of adulthood and help them persevere through setbacks and challenges.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.