11 Old-Fashioned Things Good Parents Never Regret Fighting With Their Kids About
Were these things a constant argument in your house? If so, chances are your parents set you up for success.
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock.com While it’s no surprise that the relationship we had with our parents greatly affects us while we're growing up, research also suggests that our family dynamics live in us on for much longer — affecting our adult social connections, workplace success, personal development, and overall well-being. According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, our parents' dynamic and priorities growing up influence our own romantic relationships, so it’s clear that the lessons and habits they choose to instill in us have power.
Of course, there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, but while they likely want to be peaceful with their children as much as possible, there are certain old-fashioned things good parents never regret fighting with their kids about. From household responsibilities to forming solid routines, standing firm about these things makes all the difference when it comes to raising good human beings.
Here are 11 old-fashioned things good parents never regret fighting with their kids about
1. Limiting screen time
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The average American checks their phone over 200 times a day, creating a habit that not only ensures they’re less emotionally balanced, but less regulated, happy, confident, and fulfilled. Especially for young kids in today’s digital age, it’s important to teach them about regulating screen-time and investing in hobbies outside the internet, as these negative consequences are exacerbated by their impressionable minds.
Limiting screen-time and investing in hobbies like reading, playing sports, or hanging out in-person with friends is one of the old-fashioned things good parents never regret fighting with their kids about, as it teaches them the importance of boundaries, healthy habits, and a routine later in life.
According to a study from the Developmental Science journal, children even have better cognitive and psychological outcomes when their parents read with them growing up, instilling the importance of hobbies and interests outside their phones. Rather than turning to screens as a means to seek validation, cope with stress, or self-soothe at home, they invest in their alone time with nourishing hobbies, because their parents were willing to fight with them about it.
2. Making time for family check-ins
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Ensuring that other people feel heard, valued, and understood in conversations is incredibly beneficial and important for both social connection and emotional well-being, but when parents don’t make an effort to help their children feel or prioritize those emotions, they’re left unfulfilled and yearning for validation.
Although many children grow irritated with storytelling communication styles with their parents — largely due to misaligned experiences and values — a study from the Social Work journal suggests that kids who learn open, honest, and thoughtful communication styles from their parents are less likely to experience the consequences of trauma, negative emotional wellbeing, and mental health struggles like depression later in life.
By being willing to fight about scheduling family dinners and having required check-ins with their kids, great parents teach their kids how to healthily communicate and be vulnerable without judgement — improving their relationships and emotional health for decades to come.
3. Not arguing in an angry manner
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Teaching kids how to regulate their emotions and communicate effectively with others starts incredibly early in life, reminding them that their words are just as important and powerful when they’re speaking calmly as when they’re yelling or loud. It’s the lesson of old-school respect: treat people how you want to be treated, even if you don’t agree with them.
There’s a delicate balance many parents have to achieve in regard to emotional regulation with their kids — one where they’re allowed and celebrated in feeling and expressing big emotions, but still learning to be emotionally intelligent enough to resolve conflict and communicate from a calm and level-headed space. Many kids learn how to regulate their own emotions from their parents’ modeled behavior — which is why one of the old-fashioned things good parents never forget fighting with their kids about is condemning aggressive or loud voices and unnecessary anger in their conversations.
Especially for adult children of divorced and separated parents, the modeled behavior they learn from at an early age is incredibly significant. According to a Family Law study, the most damaging and long-lasting effects on children from divorce are actually the conversations and arguments that take place before, during, and after the physical separation.
4. A balanced and nourishing diet
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Parents play a role in crafting their kids’ relationship and mindset around food – which can negatively contribute to the development of eating disorders and unhealthy eating habits when a misguided approach is taken, according to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health. By “fighting” about maintaining a nutritional diet and instilling a healthy relationship with food in their kids, parents may be fighting an old-school battle, but it has positive effects later in life.
From feeling a sense of empowerment nourishing their bodies, to feeling comfortable having a treat, to making meals, food is an incredibly powerful and important part of our lives — for better or worse.
By making it a point to nourish this relationship early in life, children don’t learn to adopt shameful or guilt-ridden behaviors around their food intake, letting it be an empowering ritual, rather than an emotionally taxing one.
5. Not immediately buying everything they ask for
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Outside of social media’s impact and the consumerist culture many adult children navigate today, the way that parents feed into the development of instant gratification in their kids starts from a young age. If they’re immediately buying everything their kids want or trying to soothe complex and uncomfortable emotions with a gift, they’re teaching their kids that material things are something they “deserve” for struggling.
According to Dr. Frederic Neuman, spoiled children often grow up with a sense of self-entitlement and greed that not only sabotages their adult relationships, but their internal emotional wellbeing.
Arguments around purchases and spending are one of the old-fashioned things good parents never regret fighting with their kids about because they instill a sense of thoughtfulness, rather than entitlement, in adult children around their money and spending habits. Consuming and purchasing things isn’t a self-soothing tactic, a coping mechanism, or something they feel innately entitled to, but rather a thoughtful and intentional decision that’s better fulfilled with time.
6. Pitching in on household chores
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Considering many adult relationships and family dynamics struggle later in life as a result of misaligned household labor responsibilities — specifically in regard to women picking up the majority of these obligations — it’s not surprising that doing chores is one of the old-fashioned things good parents never regret fighting with their kids about.
Outside of relationship responsibilities and balances, teaching kids the importance of doing chores can instill a healthy routine in them later in life, especially once they’re living on their own and taking care of their own space. Not only do they know how to do the chores they learned to do growing up, they adopt a sense of pride over keeping their spaces clean and taking care of their responsibilities.
7. Sticking to their commitments
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According to experts from Utah State University, being consistent and reliable are two of the most essential ways to build trust in a relationship, whether it’s with yourself or others.
When you consistently adopt a healthy routine, you build trust with your mind and body — reassuring your inner critic that you’re willing to prioritize your wellbeing and listen to your physical needs. In relationships, keeping promises and staying true to commitments is equally important, reminding people that they can securely count on you.
Parents that make it a point to push their kids to keep their commitments with sports, school, friends, or family instill this practice in them from a young age — reminding them that canceling last-minute or making excuses isn’t an option.
8. Crafting a consistent routine
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Whether it’s going to bed, keeping up with a consistent hygiene routine, or moving their bodies, parents who instill a sense of empowerment alongside healthy routines generally help their kids to support better emotional and physical wellbeing into adulthood.
Not only do consistent routines — like going to bed at a certain time or eating foods that align with a healthy mindset — help to promote better psychological outcomes, a study from the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine found that they can also be incredibly helpful for physical health.
Having a consistent and nourishing routine to fall back on, even after a hard day or a difficult life change, is a form of preventative medicine — helping people to look out for themselves, even when everything else seems chaotic. Of course, learning to fall back on these routines and craft them in a healthy manner isn’t easy, especially when you’re doing it for the first time as an adult, which is why this is also one of old-fashioned things good parents never regret fighting with their kids about.
9. Being grateful for the small things in life
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According to experts from Harvard Health, expressing gratitude and being grateful for the little things in life helps people live happier and more fulfilled lives. Whether it’s a gift from their partner, a compliment from a sibling, or a helping hand at work, people who recognize these small bonding moments and acts of kindness are also more willing to help others and combat stress, anxiety, and overwhelm.
While it might be a battle for parents and their kids growing up, teaching them to be grateful is a gift that follows them into adulthood. Rather than simply saying something like “be grateful,” great parents model their healthy gratitude and teach their kids about perspective, empathy, and challenge in thoughtful ways.
10. Learning to say and accept ‘no’
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Learning to accept and appreciate “no” as a full sentience is a fundamental skill that helps adult children thrive in many aspects of their lives, from setting boundaries in relationships, to advocating for themselves at work, and nurturing more thoughtful connections with others. However, teaching this practice and belief is a two-way street, where parents have to be equally respectful of their kids' boundaries.
While discussions about these boundaries and protecting your wellbeing may be new-age ideas, the fundamentals behind them are technically old-fashioned in practice. Great parents teach their kids to stand up for themselves by saying “no” and encourage them to listen to their minds and bodies in stressful situations.
11. Taking accountability for mistakes
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Being self-aware and thoughtful enough to take accountability for your mistakes is the key to nourishing happier, healthier, and more trusting relationships, according to counselor Becky Lennox. When our parents teach us about accountability, it’s a practice, but also a mindset.
Great parents are willing to fight with their kids early in life to teach them that it’s not a weakness or embarrassment to own up to your mistakes, especially considering it helps them to feel more confident embracing challenges, personal growth, and better trust in their connections.
Of course, many instances where parents get the chance to teach accountability to their kids is through modeling behavior — not making excuses for their own mistakes and learning to apologize genuinely when it's needed.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.