New Mom Furious That Her Sister Said She Deserved Gifts On Mother's Day Like The Rest Of The Family After Her Miscarriage
It was her first Mother's Day after deadly pregnancy complications, but her sister thought her loss held equal weight.
urbazon / Getty Images Signature / Canva Pro Mother's Day is supposed to be a lovely and heartfelt holiday, but for all too many, it's a painful one, including those who've experienced pregnancy loss.
For one new mom, her sister's experience with having a miscarriage turned their Mother's Day family gathering into an awkward conflict that has left her and her family wondering about how they handled
Her sister insists she deserved Mother's Day gifts after her miscarriage, just like the rest of the family.
There's no doubt that a miscarriage can be a deeply traumatic experience. Nearly 50% of women experience a subsequent mental health episode after miscarriage, including depression, anxiety, and even PTSD.
But this new mom feels like her sister's miscarriage doesn't quite rise to that level of devastation. "It was very early," she wrote in her post. "She had a positive pregnancy test, but then a couple days later tested negative and had her period."
For this reason, her family didn't consider her sister when it came time to celebrate Mother's Day, which made her absolutely furious. "For Mother’s Day, we all went to my parents’ house to celebrate," she said, and when her sister saw that all the mothers in the room got gifts except her, she "ended up throwing a fit and was yelling at us, calling us names."
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The new mom was angry because it was her first Mother's Day after years of nearly deadly pregnancy complications.
"I just had our first baby, who is now 3 weeks old," she wrote, and the birth of her baby is no small accomplishment — she is no stranger to the pain of pregnancy loss.
"I had an ectopic pregnancy that ended up rupturing three years ago, and we’ve been trying to have a baby ever since," she went on to say. "I lost a fallopian tube and basically nearly died. I’ve had two other miscarriages since then, as well. This was a very special first true Mother’s Day."
She thinks part of why her sister was upset might be because when she was hospitalized over Mother's Day three years ago following her ectopic pregnancy, their mom brought flowers and balloons to "help me feel better about going through something so traumatic so close to Mother’s Day."
Nevertheless, her sister's outburst left her furious. As her sister began yelling at the family about not buying her gifts, "I ended up yelling back that nobody owed her a Mother’s Day gift because she’s not a mother yet."
Many women who have experienced pregnancy loss say being acknowledged on Mother's Day helps them cope and heal.
For many women who've had miscarriages, celebrating Mother's Day is the last thing they want to do. For others, being included in the definition of what a mother is helps them heal. Every person is different.
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There would have been no real way to know what this sister preferred without her either saying something or her family asking, especially since, as many pointed out on Reddit, the sister's pregnancy was so brief that it could have been nothing more than a false positive.
But several women on Reddit also shared from experience that the length of the pregnancy has nothing to do with whether or not the loss is traumatic. And according to experts, simple validation of the difficulty can be helpful to women grieving this kind of loss. An acknowledgment of how her sister might be feeling probably would have gone a long way.
At the same time, experts also recommend that women dealing with this situation speak up to their loved ones to let them know exactly what they need, especially given how personal and private this matter is.
Throwing a fit and ruining everyone's Mother's Day over a misunderstanding is unfair, and the new mom's response was harsh. But in the end, this feels like a situation where everyone's feelings are valid — and the fiery conflict that arose could have been avoided if everyone had just been willing to discuss them.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.