Mom Group Tells Mother Worried About Her College Freshman Daughter ‘Spending A Lot Of Time At The Boys’ Dorms’ To Get Therapy
It's time to cut the cord.
DGLimages | Shutterstock After her daughter went off to college, a mother became concerned once she realized that she was spending a lot of time with her boyfriend in the boys’ dormitories.
She turned to a Facebook group for parents of college-aged kids seeking advice on how she should handle the situation.
The mom was told to ‘get therapy’ after asking how she should handle her freshman daughter spending time at the boys’ dormitory.
The concerned mom took to a parenting group to share her college freshman’s latest adventures, which was later posted on Reddit.
“She has a boyfriend that doesn’t live on campus, but she has been spending a lot of time at the boys’ dorm,” she wrote. “How should I handle this?”
Reddit
However, most people believed that there was nothing for the mother to handle, given the fact that her daughter was now an adult living away from home.
“Nothing for you to handle. She is a college student; let her do her thing,” one parent commented.
“Acceptance! You may not like it, but she is an adult. If it is against the rules and she is breaking the rule, it will be on her. I know it is hard, but we must let go,” another user wrote.
While most people noted that there is nothing the mom can do to handle to situation, some did offer her a few coping strategies.
“Therapy for you?” one user suggested.
“Wine!” another urged.
Other than a therapist and alcohol, others claimed the mom might feel better by having a meaningful and open conversation with her daughter about making wise decisions and staying safe.
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“Have the safe sex talk and the consent talk, and then remember that she’s an adult,” one parent recommended. “Also, make sure she has an OB-GYN that she feels safe talking to.”
“It will be okay. Just support her success in her education. Set expectations that she goes to class and tries her best. Help her problem-solve when she asks for help. She’s navigating a whole new world,” another user noted.
“If you’re tracking her movements through an app, just stop. You will drive yourself crazy, and she’s entitled to some personal privacy.”
As difficult as it may be for some parents who have raised their children for their entire lives to let go once they hit college, the reality is that they are now entering adulthood and no longer need mom or dad hovering over their shoulders.
They are living away from home and will do what they want when they want. Once they are of legal age, there is little parents can do to stop them.
It is a perfect opportunity to learn on their own that their actions have consequences, and research would agree.
According to a 2019 study on helicopter parenting, young adults who feel smothered by their parents as they start to assert their independence end up with less self-confidence and less self-control than their empowered peers. That's exactly the opposite of what this mom wants!
However, that doesn’t mean that parents should no longer be in their children’s lives. They should try their best to serve as trusted adults their children can feel safe coming to when they need advice, miss their voice, or just need a shoulder to cry on.
No matter how old we get, there’s nothing like support from our mom or dad. However, to keep that relationship strong, give them space to learn and grow on their own.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.