Mom Wonders Why Parenting Is So Much Easier When Her Husband Isn't Home — And She's Not Alone
While every family dynamic varies, some parents prefer handling childcare solo, finding it more manageable.
A mother is asking why she finds parenting duties so much easier when doing it solo, and to her surprise, many other moms could relate.
Despite not having an extra pair of hands around to help, the woman said that managing her children is much easier when she is alone.
The mother said parenting is much easier when her husband is not there.
Taking to the subreddit r/Parenting, the mother revealed that when it comes to caring for her two children, things run much more “efficiently” when her husband isn't around.
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“I can feed, bathe, put both kids to bed, do activities, and get everything cleaned up,” the woman wrote. “When he is there, it just is harder; the kids whine more, they hang on me and cry for me, and I can’t accomplish anything.”
The mother added that she also finds herself less patient, angrier, and snappier when her husband is around.
“How can I change my tune on this to show up better as a mom and partner because he and the kids (and me!) deserve more patience, fun, and happiness when we are together as a family?” she asked other Redditors.
Interestingly enough, many other moms confessed they felt the same way when their husbands were around.
Some suggested parenting can be more difficult when their husbands are around since they can unintentionally throw off their routine.
“Same here. Three kids ages 9, 6, 18 months. I miss him so much when he’s gone (a few days a month for work), but damn do I run a tight ship when he’s not home,” one Redditor commented.
“My partner will have the baby a few hours when I go to work for a few hours and when they are home if I ask for help. Otherwise, I function better on my own time with my own routine with the baby,” another user shared.
A change in routine could also impact the kids, and they may act out more than they usually do, which is not fun for either of their parents.
Some mothers may find that having their husbands around is more difficult because they do not help out in the ways they need them to.
Although their husbands may be physically present, they might not be actively engaged in assisting with childcare and household chores, thereby adding to the mother's concerns rather than alleviating them.
“Most of the time when people feel this way, it's because their partner isn't carrying their weight,” one Redditor commented.
“I find I’m snappier and less patient when my husband is home, not because my kids need me more, but because he’s just there, doing his thing, and that’s a luxury I don’t get,” another user shared.
“Like, I’ll be trying to bathe one kid, and the other will be coming in and out of the bathroom asking for stuff, and their dad is watching a movie or playing on the computer or whatever.”
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Even if their partner does help out, parents are still two entirely different people with entirely different personalities.
They may not always agree on how to handle the children at bedtime, what to give them for dinner, and what to take them to do on the weekends, which can make parenting together even more challenging.
Some parents (dads included) may prefer to solo parent their children while the other is out of the house.
Solo parenting refers to a situation where one parent takes on the primary responsibilities of raising and caring for their children. While the other parent may be around, they are not as involved as the other parent, who manages the children’s schedules, gets them fed, dressed, and bathed, and helps them with homework.
For some families, having one parent handle the main priorities of the children while the other contributes to the household financially or maintains the house is a routine that works best for them.
Others may prefer having both parents involved with the children’s routines and actively helping each other out.
There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to family dynamics.
However, some mothers (and even fathers) may find parenting easier when only one of them is fully involved. Sometimes, the best way to help is to avoid interfering with the children’s usual routine and focus your attention on other areas of the house that need to be cleaned and maintained.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.