Mom Who Let Her Kids ‘Just Be Kids’ To Not Have To Worry About Anything Says She Made A Big Mistake
Now that her children are older, she believes that she's failed them when it comes to taking care of themselves.
fizkes / Shutterstock A mother named Amber has revealed that she deeply regrets the way that she raised her three children, and offered a warning to other parents not to make the same mistakes she did.
In a TikTok video, Amber explained that she became a mother at 15 and has three children, her youngest being 17 and her oldest being 24. Now, at the age of 40, she's started to rethink a lot of the parenting choices she used while they were growing up.
Amber said she made a big mistake after letting her kids 'just be kids' and not worry about anything.
"One of my biggest mom regrets, I wanna share with you guys so maybe I'll help one of you," Amber began in her video. "I don't want you guys to make the same mistake."
She explained that as her children were growing up, she felt that it would make her a good mother if she just took care of everything so that her children never had to themselves. She wanted her children to just enjoy their childhood and stay young and carefree for as long as they could.
Amber recalled not wanting her children to have to worry about doing miscellaneous chores around the house. She didn't want them to have to work to earn everything they needed, and instead, Amber just wanted to give them everything herself.
"They had small chores but basically I took care of everything," she continued.
While Amber didn't explicitly say that this parenting choice fell under the popular parenting style of gentle parenting, the act of allowing children to have a choice versus giving orders falls under that category. Despite how popular gentle parenting is, many individuals believe that parents these days aren't being hard enough on their children.
According to a YouGov survey, Americans were asked about their experiences with six popular parenting styles to better understand opinions on the effectiveness of each. Three-quarters (75%) of Americans said the authoritative style of parenting is somewhat or very effective, far ahead of the other five styles polled.
By contrast, only 13% of Americans said the same about the uninvolved parenting style. The parenting style that has Americans evenly split is gentle parenting: 46% said this style is effective, and the same share said it is somewhat or very ineffective.
While parenting her children, Amber noticed her other friends who had children would be making them clean the entire house by the time they were 10, which Amber felt was a bit excessive, and never wanted to mirror that with her own kids. However, now that her children have grown up, Amber realized how wrong she was about refusing to be like that.
She admitted to doing her children a huge disservice by not teaching them responsibility.
"Now my kids are grown and they don't have a lot of the life skills that they should have," she observed. "I have taken care of everything for them their entire lives. They don't understand the value of things because it has been just handed to them their whole lives."
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Amber continued, saying that she didn't see this in her children until they got older. Her regret only worsened when she saw her friend's kids. The same kids who she felt were forced to do a bunch of house chores and other tasks that taught responsibility. They were incredibly well-adjusted in their adulthoods.
She acknowledged that she wasn't saying that she has terrible kids, quite the opposite actually, but she worried it's going to be a "rude awakening" for them when they're all on their own.
"It's a lot harder on them than it should be and that is my fault, it is 100% my fault. I should have prepared them better, I should have. But, we all make mistakes. I did it with the best intentions and just think about that, guys."
Amber isn't alone in reflecting on the job she did as a mother during her children's adolescence.
Parenthood is a complex and ever-changing journey, and it's more than natural for parents to have these moments of self-reflection about some of the choices made.
However, parenting does not come with a step-by-step manual that tells moms and dads the exact outcomes that will happen if they do certain things, and setting impossibly high standards for yourself doesn't do your children any favors.
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In Amber's case, she set out to raise her children with the best intentions, and that's all you can really do. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes, look at how much you've given your children, and how every experience, whether positive or negative, offers an opportunity for reflection and growth.
Amber's reflection and her insistence to share with viewers that things she viewed as being mistakes can encourage parents to admit their own faults, while also leaving room to be kind to themselves and focus on the love and effort that was used to raise a beautiful family.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.