Mom Wants To Stop Paying Her Bills After Her Adult Son's Family Moves In With Her To Help Out
“She wants me to put my children in daycare and get a ‘real job’ to pay the remainder of her bills.”
Bearfotos / Shutterstock.com Relationships with in-laws can be difficult to navigate. Add in financial stressors, and tensions start running high.
That's exactly the predicament one Reddit woman found herself in after her husband made the decision to move their family into her mother-in-law’s home. “I didn’t want to do it under any circumstances,” she wrote, “but my husband pushed the issue…I’ve let my distaste be known.”
The woman’s mother-in-law told her to put her children in daycare and get a ‘full-time job’ so that she could quit her job and stop paying bills.
She explained that when her 59-year-old mother-in-law fell ill the year before, she begged to have her son and his family move in — not only to care for her health but to help contribute to her bills so she could invest 100% of her full-time salary into her “non-existent” retirement fund.
“We moved in in November and she signed the deed to the house over to my husband. All the other bills are still in her name,” she explained. “I don’t work…I have been a SAHM for 6 years now.” With 4 young kids, this is the reality that makes the most sense for their family — and her husband’s income allows them to continue doing so.
“I do have income, however, doing hobby work… my husband is currently paying nearly $2,800 a month here, and I pay for all the food. His mother literally only contributes by cleaning and maybe $400 a month, despite working full-time and making around $4K monthly.”
Her mother-in-law is frantically trying to save money for retirement.
Studies show that over 75% of couples have dealt with issues with an in-law, so it’s not surprising that this overt closeness is causing tension in the family dynamic. However, this specific mother-in-law’s expectations have only exacerbated the issue — to the point where this Reddit woman is ready to jump ship and leave her mother-in-law to be “100% responsible” for her obligations.
“She’s been pushing the fact that she wants me to put my younger children in daycare full-time and get a ‘real job’ so I can contribute to the remainder of her bills,” she wrote. “She feels too weak to work and wants to quit her job. I have refused.”
While signing the house over to her adult son was helpful, especially in the current home-buying market, the couple was still responsible for paying for it and several other bills her husband’s mother had passed off to them. Especially considering this wasn’t the home she wanted to raise her family in, it made no sense for her to rework her life plans and invest tons of money into childcare when they didn’t need to.
“My MIL is eating for free and having 90% of her bills paid for by my husband. She doesn’t need anything else from us,” she said. “But, last night, she started screaming at my husband about how she wanted us to come here so that she could ‘retire early’... it was ‘the least we could do’ since she signed over the house.”
Despite paying for food and the home’s mortgage, her mother-in-law demanded she get a ‘real job’ so that she could quit hers and retire.
Many commenters immediately jumped to this woman’s defense, arguing the “kindness” her husband showed to uproot their life in support of his mother was already admirable. “She clearly has no idea how much childcare costs,” one person wrote. “She’s 59 years old… does she expect you to commit the next 20 years to paying for this home and providing a space for her to live?”
“She said I needed to ‘get off my [expletive]' and contribute because he shouldn't be made to pay for everything when I'm ‘more than capable.’ I walked in and told her she shouldn’t speak about me when I'm not in the room to defend myself.” She went so far as to tell her husband's mom she was “more than welcome” to go to a retirement home or, better yet, pay for 100% of her own bills.
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock.com
At the end of the day, this mother-in-law is part of their family. Clearly, her husband cares about her enough to uproot his family to help support her, and his wife has the right to advocate for what she wants, as well.
Most commenters argued this woman’s defense was valid, admitting her husband should “put his foot down” to avoid being taken advantage of. Yes, retirement planning is difficult. But so is caring for a parent, raising four children, and taking on an entirely new set of expensive bills and obligations.
A step in the right direction would mean clear communication about this family’s priorities for the future and how they can help support his mom without potentially giving up decades of their lives.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.