Mom Asks If She’s Wrong For Wanting Her Ex To Pay Child Support Despite Them Sharing 50/50 Custody
She has to pay for all of their children's expenses on her own and doesn't think it's fair when her ex-husband has more than enough money.
Yuganov Konstantin | Shutterstock A woman questioned if she was being irrational for demanding that her ex-husband contribute financially toward their children and not leaving it all up to her and her husband to provide for them.
Posting to the subreddit "r/AmITheJerk," she claimed her ex-husband constantly leaves all of their children's financial expenses to her, and she's tired of it.
She wants her ex-husband to pay child support despite them splitting custody 50/50.
In her Reddit post, she explained that she's been divorced from her ex for around 8 years — and it wasn't amicable in the slightest. She ended up leaving abruptly with their three kids and didn't ask him for anything during the divorce proceedings other than a significantly reduced $400 a month for child support and 50/50 custody.
A year after their divorce, her ex lost his full-time job and was forced to find part-time employment. Because he lost most of his income, she decided to reduce the child support to the minimum amount in their state, which was $50, to make sure that her ex would still be able to pay his own living expenses. He eventually sold his house and moved in with his mother.
YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV | Shutterstock
"Now my husband and I have been paying for all the kids' expenses since, medical, clothes, toiletries, school supplies, extracurriculars, holidays, work expenses, and ALL transportation including drop off and pickups," she admitted.
It wouldn't be such an issue except for the fact that her ex-husband found employment again at a high-paying job and yet, still hasn't helped with any of his children's expenses.
It's no secret that mothers often have to carry the burden of childcare responsibilities.
According to the American Family Survey, men take about 47% of the responsibility for child care. Women, though, say that their partners are taking closer to 31% of the load. When it comes to chores, things are just as stark: Men say they do about the same amount of housework as their partners. Women, on the other hand, say that they are shouldering two-thirds of the responsibility.
So, as it is, mothers are shouldering this burden all on their own regardless of relationship status. Despite not being with her ex, this mom has fallen under the same umbrella, and to make matters worse, he has no issue paying for his girlfriend and her children's bills and expenses. But for his own children, he doesn't seem to have any desire to fulfill the responsibilities of being a biological father.
Olesia Bilkei | Shutterstock
"I recently received a letter from the state indicating we were eligible for a child support review. So, I sent a form back requesting one," she continued. "Now my ex, his girlfriend, and most of my ex's family are chastising me because, 'He shouldn't have to pay [child support] while having 50/50 custody, and it will be taking away from his family."
Most parents are struggling to afford childcare, forcing mothers, specifically, to stay home.
According to Motherly's 2023 State Of Motherhood report, 18% of moms changed jobs or left the workforce in the past year. Of those, 28% said they did so to be home with young kids, but 15% stayed home due to a lack of childcare.
The most frustrating part about this woman's debacle is the fact that her ex has no issue paying the expenses of children who aren't biologically his. Still, when asked to pitch in more for the children he brought into this world, his priorities seem to be extremely skewed.
Just because he has 50/50 custody of his children doesn't mean he's suddenly absolved from contributing to their upbringing and financial needs. Parenthood isn't just about sharing custody and picking up your children every other week for a visit; it's about emotional and financial support as well.
He's also making way more money than he had been at his previous job, which means that he has more than enough to pay the child support and still support himself. It's incredibly selfish and unjust that he's making his ex-wife and her new husband support and provide for his kids when he's more than capable of stepping up.
Their children may be too young now to understand the dynamic between their parents and their father's actions, but one day, they're going to become fully cognizant adults. By that time, they may realize their father's failure to adhere to his parental responsibilities and harbor resentment.
So, before that happens, he should take the necessary steps to prevent any irreparable damage.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.