Mom Says Parents Need To Stop Raising ‘Soft Kids’ After Her Son Got In Trouble For Hurting A Kid’s Feelings By Being Better At Soccer
“All you’re doing is setting them up to fail.”
Fotokostic / Shutterstock Failure is a part of life. At one point or another, everyone loses — you can't be the best at everything. However, in an era of participation trophies, many children are never taught how to fail, and it's resulting in "soft kids," according to one mom on TikTok.
The mom took to TikTok to vent about her son being reprimanded for making goals during a game of soccer at recess.
The mom, Steph Wilson, explained she got a call from her 7-year-old son’s assistant principal explaining he and two other kids played soccer during their recess time.
One kid decided to be the goalie, but as the other players scored goal after goal, the goalie grew so upset by their skills that he complained to the teacher in tears. "There was no teasing involved. I verified," the mom added. "He was so upset that the kids kept scoring goals that he went to the teacher and cried about it."
This prompted the teacher to send the mom's son and his friend to the principal's office, seemingly because they were better at soccer than other students. Wilson attributed the issue to parents raising their kids to be too ‘soft.’
“If you call me during the school day, there have better been a fight or a physical injury,” she emphasized. “Do not call me because some soft … kid’s feelings got hurt because some kid is better than him at sports.”
Enabling such dramatic behavior will only prevent the child from learning from his failures and mistakes. Instead, he will continue to blame others and inevitably have a difficult time navigating challenges in the future.
The goalie exhibited classic sore loser behavior.
He certainly isn’t alone in this experience, as many kids can struggle to accept loss or failure. But rather than helping him and the other kids understand the value of sportsmanship, the teacher reprimanded two innocent kids, further enabling the sensitive child’s irrationality. The teacher missed the opportunity to help them understand an important life lesson.
Additionally, the kid’s parents are missing the mark on raising their son to be strong and poised.
“Prepare your kids to be able to function in the world. Stop coddling your kids,” the mom said. “Teach your kids how to be confident in themselves and how to emotionally … figure their [stuff] out.”
Parents should teach their kids to be strong and resilient when they experience challenges.
While kids do need to be connected to their sensitive sides, good sportsmanship is a significant element of playing sports. It’s natural for kids to get upset when the opposing team continues to outshine them, but at the end of the day, they must shake it off and learn from the experience. That is what playing sports is all about! Kids need to understand that they won’t win every game, and that’s a part of life.
In a follow-up video, the mom detailed the advice she gave her son following the situation, empowering him about the strength he can gain from accepting the challenges he will face in life.
“We lose all the time — it may be recess soccer, it may be something else,” she said. “You need to understand you will not be the best at everything. You do not get to be upset at someone for being better than you. You do not get to do anything but self-reflect.”
It’s natural for kids to be competitive with athletics, but at the end of the day, it’s only a game designed for fun and physical activity. The pressure of competition is not for everyone, but it has the potential to offer valuable lessons about life, failure, and endurance. It teaches kids not only physical toughness but mental and emotional toughness as well, which can be applied to various areas of their lives.
Victim mentality is a learned behavior that can be much harder to overcome in adulthood.
No one is born believing they’re a victim. This behavior is either taught and enabled by parents or a result of trauma, according to WebMD.
When parents don't teach their kids how to approach their failures with patience and resilience, especially for something as innocent as a game of soccer, they will eventually grow up to adopt victim mentalities. As they face real-life challenges and setbacks, they’ll revert to their bubble of victimhood and struggle to take responsibility for their actions.
They’ll continuously play the "poor me" card out of their need to seek validation, sympathy, and attention from others, but this behavior only pushes people away, as the mom pointed out.
“Let me tell you right now, what no woman wants someday is to have to coddle their … husband,” the mom expressed.
These individuals will likely need to take the necessary steps to unlearn this toxic behavior and educate themselves about the discouraging ways a victim mentality can hinder their growth.
Kids are going to have their tantrums from time to time, but it’s the way parents choose to combat and navigate these meltdowns that will improve that child’s resilience. If parents fail to teach their kids how to work through this behavior maturely and instead cater to each of their theatrical outbursts, their child is in for a serious reality check.
“If your child at 7 years old cannot handle someone being better at sports than them, you’re failing as a parent,” the mom said. “The kid’s going to struggle for the rest of his life. Raise kids that can be a part of society, and stop raising a bunch of victims.”
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.