Mom Reveals Why She Feels So 'Guilty' Having Tween Kids During The Summertime
"This phase is not talked about enough!"
Alena Ozerova | Shutterstock A mother took to social media to express her feelings that many other parents of tweens and teens can relate to yet are not talked about nearly enough.
During the summertime, the mom admits to feeling guilty about entertaining her older children and finding activities they can all enjoy together.
The mother explained why she feels guilty being a parent of tween kids during the summer.
Cyndy Gatewood got candid about being a mother to older children during the summertime, admitting that it is not nearly as easy as it was when they were younger.
The mother of three, all of whom are 14 years old or younger, couldn't help but feel that she was not doing enough to keep her kids entertained throughout the summer, as opposed to when they were younger and experiencing things like playgrounds and the beach, for the very first time.
“They’re too old to go to a playground every day; they don’t really want to go to a pool every day,” Gatewood explained. “They will hang out with their friends sometimes, but it’s like when they were younger, there was so much you could do with them.
“Your days could just be filled with playing. And now, they just wanna be in their rooms.”
Gatewood confessed that she grapples with feelings of guilt that her kids are cooped up in their rooms for the summer, even if it is of their own accord.
“I still have that constant guilt that I’m not doing enough like their summers are being wasted,” she said. “I should be doing more; we should be traveling … when you look on social media, and you see other people on these trips with their younger kids doing stuff, you think, ‘What more could I be doing right now to give my kids a good summer?’”
“Every day, I feel this constant guilt trip.”
Other parents related to Gatewood’s feelings of guilt.
“This phase is not talked about enough!” one TikTok user commented.
“The teen transition is so hard. It’s hard to bring them joy now; used to be so easy,” another user wrote.
“My heart broke when my son wanted to stop exploring new parks,” another shared.
Others believed that Gatewood’s feelings were due to her reminiscing about the past when her children were younger and full of wonder.
Alena Ozerova | Shutterstock
It is normal as a parent to grieve the lasting memories you built with your children when they were little.
You will never be able to push them on the swing while they giggle for the first time, and you won’t get to see them try ice cream for the very first time again.
You are bound to feel a little nostalgia and pain when reflecting back on summers that used to be filled with trips to the zoo, amusement parks and just spending the afternoon at the local park.
While it can be difficult, parents should not feel guilty if their children want to do less as they get older.
As children transition into their teen years, they may want to spend more time alone in their rooms rather than going bowling with their parents. It is all a normal part of growing up.
“Privacy’s important for teens partly because they need to separate,” Dr. Peter Marshall a child psychologist and author of “Now I Know Why Tigers Eat Their Young,” wrote in his work.
“It’s tempting to think that they’re just goofing off, but they spend a large part of their time just thinking about things, trying to figure out who they are, who they want to become. There’s a lot of work for them to do, and they need some space to do it.”
Part of their thinking process may include how they want to spend their summers when they have time off from school. They may want to listen to new music, do some journaling, or just decompress by themselves before they need to jump back in the books.
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Your tweens and teens wanting to spend more time on their own and being not all that interested in the activities they used to love does not define your parenting abilities.
Parents should not feel guilty or as if they are not doing enough for their kids just because they are doing less than they used to do during the summer.
Bills get higher, time becomes more limited, and children grow up.
The best thing you can do for them as a parent during the summer is to allow them the much-deserved rest they need before going back to school.
They may enjoy just lying in their bed and taking a nap as much as they do going to the movies or bowling.
If you really want to connect with them, you can try to learn more about their interests. For example, if your teen likes horror movies, suggest taking them to see the latest release.
If they are into sports, take them to a baseball game and split corn dogs.
Your kids’ interests are constantly changing as they get older, and that is okay!
It doesn’t make you a bad parent if they no longer have an interest in going to the local splash pad or playground like they loved to do when they were younger.
Part of being a parent is realizing that your children will grow up and explore new hobbies. But it is certainly okay to look back and reminisce about when they didn’t want to leave your side for hours and spent the day playing with you, eating all the ice cream with you, and never wanting the day to end!
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.