New Mom Refuses To Tell Her Family Which Of Her Two Babies Is Adopted Because She Thinks They Will Treat Them Differently
Her story highlights the importance of treating adopted children just the same as biological children.
Svetlana Satsiuk / Shutterstock Adoption is a wonderful thing that gives a child the chance to have a family when they wouldn’t otherwise. Unfortunately, the process can be very complicated.
While some family members immediately welcome the new addition, some don’t find it as easy.
One extended family struggled with this very thing, causing the mother to set some serious boundaries.
A new mom had to step in when her family insisted on knowing which one of her children was her ‘real daughter.’
An anonymous new mother posted on Reddit to share her story and ask for advice after she felt her family disrespected one of her daughters.
She explained her complicated story. “I, a single, twenty-year-old female, gave birth to a baby girl about two months ago, and at the same time adopted a second baby girl who was born about three days before. The daughter that I had in my uterus I will call Rose. The daughter that I didn’t carry, I will call Lily,” she said.
The mom shared that she actually has a special connection to Lily’s mother. “I got pregnant with Rose about the same time that my best friend, who I’ll call Anna, got pregnant with Lily,” she stated. “While I was ecstatic about being pregnant, Anna was not. Anna felt that she wasn’t in a good place emotionally, financially, or any other way to have a child. She told me she was considering getting an abortion, but that she wished her child could have a good life somewhere else.”
That’s when this mom and her best friend “came up with a hesitant plan.”
Rose’s mom would adopt Lily and raise them both. That way, Anna could still be in Lily’s life, and when the time was right, they could tell her the truth. She was going to “raise the girls as twins.”
Everything seemed to be on track for the two friends and their babies, who were born healthy. That is until the mother’s family met the babies.
“As soon as my grandmother met my babies, she asked me which one was my daughter, and I replied that they both were,” she said. “She rolled her eyes and said that I knew what she meant. I told her that, no, I don’t, because they are both my daughters. She got mad about that and asked me which one was ‘my real daughter,’ and my parents backed her up saying that I should tell them which daughter I had adopted.”
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This woman was shocked and dismayed. In her mind and in her world, they were both her daughters. So, she did the only thing she could think of.
“I kicked all of them out and said that unless they apologize and stop asking which daughter is adopted, they would not get to see either of them,” she said.
It seemed clear that the mother’s family planned on treating her daughters differently based on who was adopted and who was not.
As can be inferred from the details of the story, and as was the consensus in comments from other Redditors, there was a major concern about this mother’s family treating her two daughters differently.
The Adoption Center of Illinois addressed the issue of extended family treating an adopted child differently.
“Foster an environment of inclusion and acceptance within the extended family network,” they said. “Encourage family members to treat the adopted child no differently from biological children and to include them in family activities, traditions and celebrations. This will help create a sense of belonging and support the child’s integration into the family.”
It’s important for a child to not feel that they are treated any differently than others just because they’re adopted, especially if the child doesn’t know they’re adopted. There is no reason to treat one child differently from another and no reason they would deserve that.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.