Mom Questions If She's Overreacting After Getting Upset That Her Husband Left Their Infant On The Floor To Cry
She is tired of her husband's lack of initiative when it comes to caring for their children.
Goran13 from Getty Images via Canva Pro A mom revealed that she's feeling incredibly frustrated with the lack of initiative that her husband takes when it comes to taking care of their children.
Posting to the subreddit "r/Parenting" — an online public forum where parents can share the ups and downs of raising children — a mom of three claimed that she's extremely tired of her husband leaving her to take care of all of the childcare responsibilities while he has all of this free time and chooses to not help her out.
The mom questioned if she overreacted after getting upset that her husband left their crying infant on the floor.
In her Reddit post, she explained that she and her husband currently have three children all under the age of 2 and most of her day is spent wrangling all of the children.
Recently, she had been trying to find a moment to wash all of the sippy cups and bottles that had been gathering in the sink for the past two days. She asked her husband, who works from home and was playing video games, to put a pizza in the oven for lunch while she fed their child. He refused, and she ended up having to it herself on top of changing, feeding, and putting their baby down for a nap.
"[The] baby doesn’t want to nap, so I let her play [on] her floor play mat and finally put the food in the oven and tackle the mountain of dishes that have been in the sink all weekend," she wrote. "[The] baby starts fussing a few minutes later, and [my] husband who is sitting literally 2 feet in front of her playing video games is ignoring her cries."
He only jumps up to help once he hears his wife walking toward their daughter to grab her. She doesn't say anything and uses this moment to finish what she is doing but ends up getting into a slight argument with her husband after she gets dish soap on the countertop. He criticizes her, saying that if she lets the soap get on the counter then it'll start a leak.
She assured him that she would make sure to clean up the suds and that it wouldn't start a leak since it's not enough water. Her husband abruptly put their crying, screaming baby on the floor, walked away, most likely frustrated with their argument, and went down into their basement to "get high" without saying anything to his wife.
"I’m not crazy for being upset at this entire thing right?" she questioned.
She admitted that she doesn't trust her husband around their children.
The exhausted mother explained that she does 99% of the childcare between her and her husband. She does all of the grocery shopping and makes sure everyone has what they need, while her husband plays video games all day and refuses to play or interact with their kids.
"I'm just tired of feeling like I need to stroke his ego as a parent and husband when he doesn’t deserve it. I’m [angry] off because I don’t trust leaving him alone with them. I don’t think he’ll intentionally physically harm them, but he thinks a newborn can be just left to cry for hours on end."
She recalled that a few days before she gave birth, she ended up getting laid off from her job, but has still been paying half of the bills and other household expenses. However, she admitted that her husband still expected her to be applying for jobs before she was even medically cleared after having a C-section.
It's been three months since then and she still holds resentment toward him and his attitude, especially for how he made her last pregnancy extremely emotionally difficult. He was virtually nonexistent during the newborn phase and on top of rushing her to get back to work, she's reached her wit's end.
People in the comments section agreed that she needs to either speak with her husband about how she feels or reevaluate the entire marriage.
"A man that can’t step up to be a partner to his spouse and dad to his children is such a turn-off. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this," one Reddit user wrote. "I’d lay it all out for him, calmly, and tell him you need to see [a] change in his behavior."
"You need a partner. Not a roommate. Not another person to parent. Not someone [who] storms off to get high when they’re in the wrong. You need a grown man that supports his wife and takes care of his children. Period."
Another user agreed, adding, "I don’t understand what the point of him is. You’re paying bills. Not working. Doing everything around the house and taking care of anyone. What’s his purpose in your life at this point? Seems like more of a burden than anything."
"I’m sorry he’s such a loser and you and your children are suffering for it."
A partnership, especially one with children involved, should never just fall on one individual.
The point of both marriage and parenthood is having someone to share all of these moments with, and the fact that her husband has been a shell of a human throughout her pregnancy, and now that the baby is here, he still hasn't stepped up, is a huge indicator of his mind not being with his family.
It's disheartening that she feels crazy for being frustrated when she has every right to be upset that her husband isn't involved and is choosing to let her do all of the work while he sits and plays video games. There's nothing wrong with having that conversation with her husband, and if there isn't a change, while it may seem scary, she has to do what's right for both her and their children at the end of the day.
If getting a divorce will play a role in helping her mental well-being, then so be it. But, there could also be a chance that her husband may see this as a wake-up call to change and be a better father and husband. It's just awful that it has to get to this point, but hopefully, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.