Unhappy Mom ‘Can’t Trust’ Husband To Do ‘Simple Things’ After He Forgot To Pick Up Their Toddler From Preschool Because He Was Napping
Just another example of weaponized incompetence.
pixelshot / Canva Pro More and more moms continue to speak out about their frustrations dealing with husbands who can’t seem to fulfill their responsibilities as fathers to their children.
Moms are always there to pick up the pieces when situations happen, but husbands seem to get rewarded for doing the bare minimum or nothing at all.
One mom took to Reddit to ask for advice after her husband forgot to pick up their toddler from preschool because he was too busy napping.
In the r/Parenting post, the woman expressed how her husband “frequently enjoys taking naps,” to the point where he tends to run late and forget the responsibilities or commitments he made.
She explained how he was responsible for picking up their toddler from preschool the previous week, but when she called him to confirm, there was no answer. After calling and messaging him multiple times, she decided to call the preschool and find out if their daughter was picked up, only to hear what she was already expecting.
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He hadn’t picked her up, and she ended up picking their daughter up herself, but as she did, a deeply-rooted annoyance settled in. “I'm sure if I hadn’t gotten her, he would’ve left her there until after closing,” the woman stated.
“Trying to find joy in a relationship when I can’t trust my husband to do basic things. It has been like this our entire marriage and I’m feeling lost and hopeless.”
Taking naps is a healthy way to recharge and nourish the mind and body, and no one is perfect, however, her husband’s continual lack of responsibility as a father implies he isn’t just forgetful, he’s irresponsible.
Reddit users advised the woman to communicate her lack of trust with her husband.
While the woman continues to pick up her husband’s slack, he continues to let her down, and Reddit users suggested she communicate a need for change in his behaviors.
Several individuals even related to her husband's inability to keep track of time and emphasized how using alarms, ensures they fulfill their responsibilities and arrive to places on time. “It's sad, but I have probably 20 alarms on my phone. Some are less than an hour apart. I have to remember a lot during the day, and it takes a lot of stress off having alarms,” one person commented.
On the other hand, while alarms are a great solution to her problem, other commenters pointed out his seemingly weaponized incompetence.
Despite the woman’s relentless calls and efforts to wake her husband up, which could have served as alarms themselves, he was either away from his phone or too deep in sleep to notice. Either way, he didn’t make much of an effort to prioritize his responsibilities as a father, and as his wife stated, it happens often.
“Tell him how his actions (and lack thereof) are affecting you,” someone commented on the post. I would also give him responsibilities that don't actively harm your child, and if he screws up, stop covering for him. If he neglects his responsibility then let him suffer the consequences, including cleaning up his own mess.”
Someone else disagreed, believing it’s the husband’s responsibility to do better, and the woman shouldn’t have to baby him, as it will further enable his childish behavior.
“Upon realizing that this is an issue and it causes unnecessary stress and effort on [her] part, her husband should be looking for ways to correct his own behavior,” the person explained in the comments. “[She] shouldn't have to delegate or find simpler tasks that he can help with — that puts all of the mental load on her. He's a parent too, and picking up a kid from daycare on time shouldn't be rocket science.”
Women tend to pick up their husband’s slack, and these men need to do better.
There’s a rising trend in women expressing their irritation with husbands who can’t seem to accomplish the simplest of tasks. Men comfortably letting their wives take on all the responsibilities of a household should not be as normalized as it is.
The woman in this post just wants a partner she can rely on, but it seems her husband disappoints her over and over again. His ability to forget these responsibilities is likely a result of frequently relying on his wife to take care of everything, from household chores to parenting.
In fact, according to a study by the Harvard Business Review, women tend to exhibit more responsible behavior and emotional support than men.
Vanessa Marin, a marriage and family therapist on TikTok, further explained how when women submit to doing things themselves, they're simply "allowing their partner's weaponized incompetence to continue."
"It puts all the responsibility on your shoulders, and it's a one-way ticket to feeling resentful," Marin shared.
Instead, she suggested couples form a list of all their responsibilities and mutually divide them up "in a way that feels fair and balanced." While this may add additional responsibilities to a mom's already filled plate, it's a healthy way to encourage a husband's change in behavior and accountability.
The woman and her husband must talk this problem out so they can come to a reasonable solution.
The mom may not always be there to pick up the pieces, and if anything, she should step back and allow her husband to step up, because his responsibilities as as a father trump his desire to nap.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.