Mom Tells Her Husband He's A 'Deadbeat Dad' After He Misses Their Son's Entire Birthday Dinner Because He 'Fell Asleep'
It seems like his excessive sleeping might be a sign that he just really doesn't care.
fizkes / Shutterstock Everyone has had at least one time when they slept through something they didn’t mean to. It happens. However, turning this into a pattern could be a sign of apathy.
One woman said her husband missed their son’s birthday dinner because he fell asleep.
A wife and mother took to Reddit to ask for advice after her husband missed their son’s birthday dinner for a strange reason — he fell asleep.
“My … husband … has this wonderful gift of being able to fall asleep in any situation,” she explained. “I first noticed this talent when we were first dating, and we would be texting, and then he would stop responding and wake up the next day saying, ‘Sorry, I fell asleep.’”
She clarified that her husband had been tested for different medical conditions that could cause this issue, and he was found to be perfectly healthy.
“Since then, we’ve had kids, and minus a few times [he’s] done it where I truly blame exhaustion, he’s been consistent with not doing it anymore,” she said. “Until tonight.”
The mom shared that her family went on a special birthday trip to Disney World for her son. “My son loves outer space, and the plan was to have dinner at Epcot’s Space 220 Restaurant,” she said.
Much to her dismay, one person did not make it to the party. “Well, everyone showed up but my husband,” she said. “I called and called and called with no answer. We eventually just sat and started eating without him, and he missed our son’s entire birthday meal.”
She had no doubt about what had happened to her husband. “I saw my husband’s location and knew he was still at the hotel, and I knew he probably fell asleep, so I was pretty upset,” she continued.
The husband and wife had it out later that night.
The wife went on to say that her husband did join the family later in the evening, but the damage was done.
“My husband eventually woke up and met up with us for the fireworks and never even apologized,” she said.
She didn’t want to have a fight, but she felt she had no other option. “I don’t believe in fighting in front of my kids, but I couldn’t contain it and had us go over to a less crowded area and just started yelling at him,” she said. “I asked what happened; he said he just wanted to take a quick nap and thought he would wake up in time. He didn’t even set an alarm.”
Worst of all, the husband didn’t understand the seriousness of what he had done. “He said it wasn’t a big deal since my son’s birthday is technically tomorrow, but we were only able to get reservations for that restaurant tonight, which is why it was such a big deal,” she explained.
That was when it all came out. “We went back and forth on this, yelling over fireworks, and I essentially called him a deadbeat dad who didn’t care,” she said.
The real reason for the husband’s sleep habits may actually prove that he is a deadbeat.
According to Medical News Today, there are multiple medical conditions, like sleep apnea and narcolepsy, that could cause this kind of behavior. However, the wife insisted her husband had been cleared of having any medical problems.
His wife also stated, “He’s very openly someone who is avoidant to any conflict, so he sometimes uses it to get out of doing stuff.”
If he has been assessed medically and no abnormalities were found, it is most likely that he chose to sleep because he simply didn’t care enough to be there.
Dr. Kimberly Van Buren explained to marriage.com, "Apathy thrives in the silence of unspoken desires and the complacency of unaddressed needs, casting shadows over love until indifference replaces passion and connection." Since medical causes have been ruled out, Van Buren pointed to another cause for the indifference that plagues many marriages: being worn down by life.
Is this real? Yes. Is it a legitimate excuse to miss a family celebration? No. Should he have prioritized differently and set an alarm or simply skipped a nap? Yes, but the damage is already done. It's what he chooses to do now, moving forward, that will determine the health of their marriage.
The most important step in healing from apathy is communication. Instead of fighting, this couple needs to talk. They need to really talk and listen to each other. Once their honest feelings are revealed, they can take that information and begin to heal.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.