Mom Called 'Harsh' For Refusing To Let Her 'Incompetent' Dad Babysit Her Kids — 'He's Never Changed A Diaper In His Life’
She says he's incompetent to a point where it's dangerous.
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock It can be a complicated dynamic — raising children while still processing your own childhood, and developing a relationship with your kids while navigating one with your parents. There's an added layer of intricacy if you don't look back on your childhood fondly.
Things get even more complex for those who rely on their parents for childcare. Fortunately, one Reddit mom had the resources to get a nanny, as she was hesitant to trust her dad who wasn’t particularly present during her own childhood.
Her father, however, was furious with his daughter's decision, condemning her for allowing “a stranger” to babysit over him.
The mom refused to let her ‘incompetent’ father babysit her kids while she worked and instead hired a nanny.
“My father knows nothing about kids and is unwilling to learn, claiming he’s already an expert,” she wrote.
After both working from home for a couple of years, the woman and her husband admitted they needed some adult time for the sake of their mental health and decided to return to the office a few days a week. Of course, they couldn’t care for their two-year-old son while working, so a nanny seemed like the most appropriate option.
To the mom’s excitement, they found the perfect caretaker. “The woman we hired shares the same parenting ideas and has a three-year-old who she brings to our house on the days she babysits,” she shared. “We’re extremely happy with her and our kid always looks forward to spending time with them.”
Photo: Africa Studio / Shutterstock
It’s the healthiest situation for everyone — the parents get a few days in the office to interact with co-workers and their son gets quality play-time with someone his age. As many parents can agree, finding the perfect fit like this is nearly impossible, so they were more than relieved when everything worked out.
However, things took a turn when the woman’s father came over for dinner a few months later and expressed his distaste for her use of hired childcare.
“My retired father is extremely unhappy that we don’t just ‘bring the child over to his’ and would rather leave his grandson with a ‘literal stranger’ instead of family,” she revealed.
While it might seem like the first option that many new parents would consider, the mom knew it was the wrong one, admitting her father’s presence wasn’t what their son needed. “He hasn’t changed a single diaper in his life," she wrote. "He was the kind of father [who] comes back from work, eats dinner, scolds the younger kids for 15 minutes, and retreats to his office to drink whiskey and read for the rest of the evening."
Between the “unsolicited parenting advice” her father constantly offered and his mocking of her parenting choices, the mom was at a breaking point. She was unwilling to be scolded by her once-absent father, especially in her own space, with her own family.
However, she’d “kept it together” for months, knowing that her dad was still grieving the passing of her mother three years prior. “I know how hard it's been for him since mom passed away three years ago but I would never trust him with my kid,” she added.
The dinner ended in confrontation, with the mom insisting that her dad did not raise her.
By the end of the dinner, things were heating up, and ultimately, it ended with a much larger altercation than expected. “I lost it,” she admitted, “and basically told him I’d never leave my son alone with him because he’s incompetent to a point it's dangerous to leave a child alone with him.”
Despite her desire to keep the peace, the woman knew her dad’s parenting ability better than anyone, being on the receiving end of it for years. “He got offended,” she recalled, "saying that he’d raised four kids” — but that just wasn’t the case. “I told him that he didn’t raise us, our mom did.”
“I asked him what my brother was allergic to, what my birthday was, and similar things, just to provide a point," she continued. "He didn’t answer and stormed off.”
Although she stood by her decision regarding her son's childcare, the woman asked if she was 'unnecessarily harsh' toward her father.
Many Redditors supported the woman, acknowledging that she has a lot on her plate and also deserves to grieve the loss of her mother.
“He probably feels a bit disrespected,” one commenter wrote, “but he also knows how present he was when you were a kid. He wouldn’t get so angry if he didn’t know. Let him show you he deserves a place in your baby’s life.”
“He had his chance to prove his skills in childcare and your first-hand experience tells you that he's incapable. Your baby is not the way to test him,” another Redditor advised. “Maybe it was harsh but your child's safety is not the time or place to back down to keep from making waves.”
At the end of the day, the parents need to do what’s best for their family and their children. If that means slowly allowing this woman’s dad to “prove himself,” that’s great. If it means looking out for the safety of their baby and forbidding it, that’s just as valid.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture analysis and human interest stories.