Mom Asks If She's Wrong For Excluding Her Picky Daughter-In-Law From A Dinner — 'I Know She Wouldn't Eat It'
No one owes you an invite. But it's still nice to be included even if you're not going to come, right?
Nicoleta Ionescu / Shutterstock Most of us have hobbies or interests that our loved ones don't share, so we tend to leave them out of those particular outings. As an avid camper and hiker, I don't invite my indoor-kid friends to go along with me. Pretty standard stuff, right?
A mom on Reddit is currently navigating this sort of conflict with her daughter-in-law, and it's turned into quite a sticky situation that rests in the gray area of when it is and is not appropriate to leave people out.
The mom excluded her picky daughter-in-law from a very special dinner, which sparked a huge conflict.
At first blush, this seems downright rude, right? Even the pickiest eaters like to go to restaurants for the company, if not the food.
We all have that friend who just orders a plate of chicken tenders or whatever and takes part in the conversation instead of the culinary journey. No biggie, right?
Well, not quite. It turns out this was a very special dinner. It's the kind of meal where the food, not the company or the conversation, is the entire point of going, which is … well, not exactly a picky eater's cup of tea, so to speak.
And a picky eater is precisely what her daughter-in-law is. Not exactly a good candidate for such an outing, right? But her daughter-in-law has not been at all understanding about these nuances.
Since it was a special dinner with a set menu of the chef's choices, she knew her daughter-in-law wouldn't enjoy it.
As an avid foodie, the mom had been dreaming of this meal for ages. "I like to try new food, and there is a chef I have been following for years," she wrote in her post. "She opened a restaurant near me a few years ago, and it is almost impossible to get a spot."
So imagine her elation when she finally got lucky and snagged one for a prix-fixe tasting menu of the chef's favorites. "You eat what you are served for the most part," she explained. "The menu changes or rotates about every week. They serve unique dishes."
If you've ever been to a restaurant experience like this, you know that "you eat what you're served" is kind of the whole point.
It's the chef's artful creations, and unless you're allergic, there are typically no changes allowed — just like when you, say, go to an art show, you're not allowed to change the paintings.
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In short, it's not at all a scene for picky eaters! So, the mom booked the experience for herself, her siblings, and her two daughters. She also decided to treat them all to the dinner.
Her daughter-in-law found out about the dinner and is hurt and furious, saying it was 'cruel' to exclude her.
"I didn't include her in the invites because I know she wouldn't eat it," the mom explained. "I can't even be certain she would try dishes. She is the type of person that eats like five foods."
But her daughter-in-law heard about the outing through the grapevine and was upset when she realized she wasn't invited. "She kept pushing, and I told her it was because she is a picky eater," she said, adding that she wasn't willing to pay a bunch of money "for someone to not like the food, or not even try it."
Suffice it to say, her daughter-in-law was not understanding. But people on Reddit were firmly on the mom's side and felt the daughter-in-law was way out of line demanding to be invited. "How has this become acceptable," one Redditor wondered. "Why she would even want to come is beyond me."
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But it's hard not to wonder if something else is at play here. Sometimes, people just like to be included even if they have no intention of participating. As I often tell my friends, "I will almost certainly not come, but please invite me anyway, or I will be mad."
Sure, that's mostly a self-deprecating joke about my annoying personality, but it's also not! It's just human nature to want to be part of things. Sometimes, simply saying, "I know this isn't your thing, but if you feel like trying it out, you're welcome to join us" goes a long way.
That said, nobody owes it to anyone to include them in something they're not into and wouldn't enjoy.
"Not everyone needs to be invited to everything," another Redditor wrote. "Have my feelings been hurt because I didn't get invited to something, yes. Did I call and berate the person who organized the event? No, because I'm an adult."
Hard to argue with that.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.