Mom Asks Husband To Do One Chore On Her To-Do List — He Says He 'Doesn't Know How' To Do It
What she was asking him to do was really quite simple.
Yuganov Konstantin, Luis Molinero / Shutterstock; CanvaPro A mother has pointed out the double standard that exists in most families after she asked her husband to give her a hand with her never-ending to-do list.
Her husband’s inability to complete even the simplest tasks highlights the reality that most family burdens fall onto a mother’s shoulders with little to no assistance.
The woman tasked her husband with dropping off their son’s medical information at his school.
Carly Ely pretty much does it all to keep her family running smoothly. She takes care of the kids’ school drop-offs and pick-ups, doctor's appointments, bathing routines, and feeding.
However, the to-do list can quickly pile up, and sometimes, Ely could use an extra set of hands.
One day when she was overwhelmed with tasks, she recruited her husband to drop off their son’s medical forms and EpiPen at school after the school nurse requested them.
Ely ensured that she made the task as simple as possible for her husband. “I relay all of this information to him. I actually send it in email form,” she said in an Instagram video. “I give him everything he needs to complete this task.”
Even with detailed instructions, her husband struggled to complete this one simple job.
After a few days, Ely checked in with her husband to see if he had done his job. “You can’t just give the task over… you have to circle back and follow up on the delegated tasks,” she noted.
Ely’s husband still had not dropped off either the forms or the EpiPen and asked her where he should pick up the medical forms (which she included in her detailed step-by-step email). He eventually picked up their son’s medical forms from the doctor’s office like he was supposed to before letting another few days go by to pick up the EpiPen.
Ely’s husband then left the items on the counter, assuming that she would be the one to drop them off at the school.
“Even if we ask for help, we still have to do all the mental work,” Ely pointed out.
In a perfect world, she claimed that mothers would either ask for help only once and they would receive it or not have to ask at all. “Even if we ask for help, we’re still mentally on the hook,” Ely wrote in the caption of her post.
“Creating a list, step-by-step instructions, answering questions, and following up to make sure it gets completed is actually more work than if we had just done it ourselves.”
Ely's story resonated with many wives and mothers.
Ely is not the only mother impacted by this burden. Others shared their own experiences receiving little or no help from their partners.
“My husband was at Target today picking up diapers and he called me at work to ask what size clothes our two-year-old would wear. She was with him. The two-year-old was with him. And I assume wearing clothes. With a tag. That says the size,” one Instagram user commented.
Often described as weaponized incompetence, these examples highlight how some men would rather manipulate their partner and avoid being equally invested in the relationship.
“I had this exact conversation with my husband last night. We’ve been together for seven years. He has never changed the sheets, he doesn’t know what day they get changed, he’s never grocery shopped, planned a meal,” another user revealed.
Historically, women take on the role of the default parent, the parent who typically takes on the majority of the responsibilities.
Women are expected to handle various aspects of child-rearing, such as organizing schedules, managing school activities, preparing meals, and handling day-to-day caregiving responsibilities. Meanwhile, men do little to help out, under the assumption that those are not their jobs.
However, if both parents are living in the same household and raising the same children, then both of them should be equally responsible.
A mother should not have to guide a father step-by-step on how to look after his children. If there are dirty dishes still sitting in the sink while the mother is wrangling the children together for bathtime, he should do them without being asked.
Parenting involves various tasks and responsibilities, from physical care to emotional support, educational guidance, and more. Sharing these responsibilities ensures a more balanced and comprehensive approach to parenting.
Men equally sharing in the childrearing and household responsibilities can break down stereotypes and promote the idea that both genders are equally capable in all aspects of life, including parenting.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.