Psychology Says If You Can Master These 10 Skills, You'll Be The Best Stepparent Ever
How to take on the role of stepparent with everything you have.
Andrea Piacquadio | Canva Fill in the blank: when it comes to disciplining their stepchildren, stepparents should _________.
We asked the experts this question, and 62% agreed: stepparents should discipline their stepkids as they would their own children. What else does it take to be a great stepparent? Here's what experts and psychology had to say.
If you can master these ten skills, you'll be an amazing stepparent:
1. Follow, don't lead
Agung Pandit Wiguna / Pexels
While each parent may have their own parenting style, as the stepparent, it's important to follow the birth parent's lead. Consistency in parenting style will help foster feelings of security in the child. These feelings will build the level of trust the child has for you. Research from 2023 tells us that children need to feel secure in order to develop healthy relationships. — Michelle LaRowe
2. Be a supporter
Vika Glitter / Pexels
Children always need allies. This is especially true for children who are adapting to a new stepparent.
Focus on being the best cheerleader you can be to your stepchild. Even when it seems unwelcome, supporting his interests, attending his school events, and being a consistent present person in his life will go a long way in communicating that you care. —Michelle LaRowe
3. Expect storms
fauxels / Pexels
The dynamic of every newly created stepfamily is form, storm, norm, and perform — and it can years for the "norm" to take hold.
Take advantage of all safe stress-releasing outlets, such as support groups or good friends, either in person or online. You might find solutions or just a place to let off some steam. Another good way to relieve stress? Research from Harvard states the easiest way is to ensure you're getting seven hours of sleep a night.—Paula Bisacre
4. Keep some old traditions and make new ones
Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels
Reinvent birthday parties. Celebrate good report cards with a trip to the ice cream store. Make your kid's favorite meal, create a silly dance together, or plan a special outing. According to the Institute for Family Studies, family traditions help children feel as though they fit in somewhere.
If your kids always went to the beach on a particular holiday, and he always went to the mountains, alternate the destinations from year to year. Set up two Christmas trees — one with a novel theme, the other more familiar. Make a new menorah and set it alongside the old one. — Paula Bisacre
5. Hold regular family meetings that appeal to all
fauxels / Pexels
Many teenagers abhor forced family bonding. Meeting at a favorite restaurant is a great incentive. Children who have strong family connections will be more successful in life, psychology tells us.
Center a meeting around a cookie-baking or fondue party. Create movie or book nights with discussion — and involve your children in choosing a topic from a list compiled by you and your spouse. — Paula Bisacre
6. Use your resources
Emma Bauso / Pexels
Discover the many resources available to help you navigate stepfamily life. It's never too late! Check out these notable nonprofit organizations: National Stepfamily Resource Center and the National Family Resiliency Center. — Paula Bisacre
7. Build trust with your stepchild
Daria Obymaha / Pexels
The first development task in any relationship is to build trust. In order for you to trust your stepchild, he/she must trust you first. To build trust, spend quality time with the child, letting them take the lead on what to do. Research from 2023 tells us that trust is the foundation for any kind of relationship.
Children of divorce may be hesitant to build relationships because they are scared to lose someone again. This process is going to take time so is patient. —Stacy York
8. Say what you mean and mean what you say
August de Richelieu / Pexels
Be clear and concrete in your words. Do not use hidden messages or agendas. If you make a promise or say that you are going to do something, follow through and do it. —Stacy York
9. Have family meetings
Kindel Media / Pexels
Oftentimes, kids have many opinions and thoughts but never get to voice them. The purpose of the family meeting is to allow everyone in the family to communicate things that are going well and things that are not. Then, work as a team to solve the problems in the family.
It is crucial for stepchildren to have a voice. That does not mean that they get to make all the rules. They need to be listened to, considered, and get a response to their concerns. Doing this allows your child to know their voice matters, psychology says.
—Stacy York
10. Act as a consultant
Julia M Cameron / Pexels
There is often conflict over who should "parent" the children. Set the precedent that while you may not be the child's parent, you will consult with the other parent. This lets children know that the parents are a unit that cannot be split but are working together to communicate and solve problems. Having good communication in a family shows children how they can communicate in their own relationships, 2023 research states. —Stacy York
YourTango brings our community of readers, writers, thought leaders, and the world’s leading relationship and mental health experts together to connect and engage where it matters most: the heart.