Man Left Family After Learning His Son Wasn’t Biologically His — Then Threatened To Cut His College Fund If He Didn’t Visit
He wants him to come to visit — or else.
JP Valery via Unsplash / Cawis via Canva A 38-year-old father of three children, including an 18-year-old son, a 16-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter, found out a few years ago that the middle child of the three was not his biological son. As a result, he divorced his wife and moved out of the home they shared with their children to a totally different city, ultimately getting married and starting a new family.
The father left his wife and three kids after finding out one son was not biologically his.
The father revealed that while he wasn’t physically involved in his children’s lives while he took some time away to “heal,” he called them every single day and paid child support for all three of them. The problem is that he showed a very obvious preference for his biological children over Alexander, the middle child who is not biologically his.
“When I called my kids, I only called Sophia and Raphael (13F, 18M) because I felt uncomfortable talking to Alexander,” the father revealed in his AITA post. “One day he was angry and grabbed the phone crying and said: ‘Don’t you love me, dad, why are they more important to you?' I politely replied and said ‘Honey, look I love you but I need some time to heal, I’m still your father and I’ll be back soon’ (He knows I’m not his biological father),” he wrote.
For a while, he only spoke to his son via text message because FaceTime was too uncomfortable, and after eventually moving back to his city a year ago, Alexander refused to come visit him. Upon going to their mother’s house and confronting him, Alexander continued refusing the invitation to his father’s home, though he did meet him in public.
The man threatened to cut off the boy's college fund after he refused to visit with him and his new family.
“When he found out my wife (he refused to come to my wedding) was pregnant he told me not to visit him again,” he wrote.
He originally believed that Alexander was doing this because he wanted a relationship with his biological dad after the father found out his ex-wife had been seeing him, but Alexander rejected him as well, in favor of the man who raised him.
“My daughter was born 6 days ago and he hasn’t come to see his half-sister so I called him and said that if he doesn’t come to see me I’ll be cutting his college fund,” the man explained.
People rallied behind the man's son.
The people of Reddit banded together, but not to reassure him. Instead, everyone agreed that the man was in the wrong for treating his kid that way, biological or not. While it can be devastating to find out you don't share DNA with a child, genetics aren't the only factor at play when it comes to parenting.
"There are people who argue that it is just one thing that makes a man a father - the intention to have a child or the genetic connection, for instance - and there are those who argue that fatherhood is a more pluralistic concept, that there are a variety of ways in which a man can come to be regarded as a father," wrote Heather Draper, lead researcher in a 2007 study on paternity fraud published in the Journal of Medical Ethics.
Though it's normal to have to take time to come to terms with the traumatic information that a child isn't biologically yours, it's just as traumatic for the child who is left feeling abandoned through no fault of his own. Draper noted that abandoning the child for that reason "seems immoral," as it involves the emotions of not just the parent but also the child who has come to love that person as a parent regardless of genetic relatedness. As one person in the comments noted, "OP is selfish and self-serving; his entire post is about him and his feelings. Not once did he mention how his used-to-be kid must’ve been feeling."
Hopefully, the father tries harder to reconnect with his son in a way that doesn't involve sabotaging his future.
Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.